The Anti-Wife

Checking in!

2009-07-12T20:14:00.000-07:00

Greetings and hallucinations! Hope this finds everyone well and happy.

Life is very good. Work is going well, I have an active social life, my cult keeps me busy and my job is secure. I am a lucky, lucky woman.

I put writing and blogging on hold for a few months to focus on other areas requiring my attention. No regrets for doing so, but now I need to think about resurrecting my story and taking another stab at getting the words from my brain to paper.

This time I will concentrate on maintaining balance between the various parts of my life that need my attention. I won't punish myself for not being able to partipate in NANORIMO or other challenges. If I want to not blog for a while, I hereby give myself permission. I will write when the story flows from me and not berate myself when it doesn't.

I want to write, but I'm not driven by it. Perhaps that's a result of my comfortable life.

Whatever happens - I'll be hanging out here occasionally and will visit some of my favorites once in a while.

I'm well. I'm happy. Life is good. Hope you are the same.

Today's lesson: They're, their and there

2009-02-02T12:11:00.000-08:00

Reading has occupied much of my scarce spare time lately. It takes a lot to irritate me, but the recent spate of misusing the words there, their and they’re has steam rolling out my ears. So, here’s today’s lesson on the proper usage of there, their and they’re.

First – THEY’RE

This is a contraction. It means they are. That’s all it is – ever!

Second – THERE

The primary use of there is as a location. “It’s there.” “Go over there.” They live there.”

As an adverb, it is:
1. used to introduce sentences in which a state, fact etc is being announced. "There has been an accident at the factory; There seems to be something wrong; I don't want there to be any mistakes in this. "

2. means at that time; at that point in a speech, argument etc. "There I cannot agree with you; Don't stop there – tell me what happened next!"

3 (with the subject of the sentence following the verb except when it is a pronoun) used at the beginning of a sentence, usually with be or go, to draw attention to, or point out, someone or something. "There she goes now! There it is! "

4 (placed immediately after noun) used for emphasis or to point out someone or something. "That book there is the one you need."

As an interjection, it is
1 used to calm or comfort. "There, now. Things aren't as bad as they seem."

2 used when a person has been shown to be correct, when something bad happens, or when something has been completed. "There! I told you he would do it! There! That's that job done. There! I said you would hurt yourself!"

The primary point here is; there is not a person or persons – ever!

Third – THEIR

This is a possessive form of THEY

As an adjective

1 belonging to them. "This is their car. Take a note of their names and addresses."

2 used instead of his, his or her etc where a person of unknown sex or people of both sexes are referred to. " Everyone should buy his own ticket. Everyone should buy their own ticket."

As a pronoun,
a person, thing etc belonging to them. "The child is theirs. He’s a friend of theirs. He’s one of their friends."

Their is not a location – ever!

Please, please, please – I beg you – use them correctly.

All assistance courtesy of www.thefreedictionary.com.

Are you using these words correctly? What word misuse sends steam rolling from your ears?

Hope!

2009-01-16T11:52:00.000-08:00

Bleak and dire predictions, stock market crashing, massive debt and unemployment, savings wiped out and homes foreclosed. 2009 started out with a depressing thud.

In Seattle we had the snow from hell – happily downplayed by Mayor Snowpuff Marshmallow Man. Then ark inspiring rain fell to ruin lives and livelihoods.

Hope. Where’s the hope? Where’s the promise for a brighter future? Where’s the inspiration? Not a person – a sign of better things to come. In the media we only hear what’s wrong and how difficult and long it will be to repair. A little bit of hope – that’s all I ask.

Then yesterday, on a foggy day in Seattle, a bright ray of sunshine appeared on the Hudson River in New York. It illuminated the country and world and reminded us of all the reasons we have to hope.

On January 20th another ray will shine – this time as our new president is sworn in. Change won’t come immediately – but I have hope.

Pain under my shoulder blade that spread to my head creating shockwave headaches exacerbated by typing – my reason for not blogging much lately. With a new doctor, physical therapy and minimal drugs, things are improving daily. Other than that, my life is very pleasant and full of hope.

Are you well and happy? Do you have hope?

Happy New Year

2009-01-04T09:05:00.000-08:00

That was perfect! Thank you Uncle Jay. Will you marry me?

Reverse psychology, by its most rudimentary definition, infers that to get someone to do something we must tell them to do the exact opposite. For years, New Year's resolutions made were New Year's resolutions unkept for me. So this year I hope to use reverse psychology on myself so at the end of the year I can say I actually kept some of my resolutions.

So here are my reverse psychology resolutions for 2009! (In reverse order of course)

10. To not win more than a million dollars in any lotto, lottery, mega-millions or anything else I forget to enter.

9. To gain 20 or more pounds.

8. To be broke and homeless.

7. To be sickly and infirm.

6. To have no friends.

5. To lose my job.

4. To lose my appetite for chocolate and hamburgers.

3. To have no clothes and walk naked throughout the Pacific Northwest.

2. To lose my memories.

1. To not finish the cozy mystery lounging happily in my head and partially on my computer.

There you have it! My reverse psychology resolutions. Any bets on how many I won't keep? Any you want to add?

Happy Holidays!

2008-12-24T18:05:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas

Happy Hanukkah

Happy Kwanzaa

Etc.

Whatever you celebrate at this time of year, I hope it brings you joy.

I'm fine - just really, really busy. Thanks to everyone who e-mailed or left messages. It's nice to not be forgotten.

Hugs to all!

Late to the Moonie Lovefest!

2008-11-09T12:21:00.000-08:00

Crap! Crap! Crap! I got so caught up in the sunny blue skies, sparkling blue-green water, warm soft sand, tropical breezes, mai-tais and all the Hawaii ambiance, I forgot to post my Moonie appreciation. That's what I get for not opening my computer for a week!

Moonie,
You are the greatest and we all appreciate your wisdom and expertise - and snarky sense of humor. Thanks for all you do!

Hugs!
Anti-Wife

Falling back into a routine

2008-10-28T09:57:00.000-07:00

At my new age, it takes longer to recover from big events.

I had a wonderful birthday and truly appreciate all the great messages everyone left on my blog. It was lovely.

It seems most blogs are now full of either election related content or cheers for NaNoWriMo. For those who plan to participate - best wishes to you. With only 4 days in November with nothing on the calendar, I have to pass this year. Can't you do this in January - the calendar is much clearer then and the weather more conducive to staying inside and writing? Lynn Viehl has some excellent advice on her blog today for those who are participating.

I was in Eastern Washington last weekend which means a trip through our beautiful mountain passes. The pictures are from Highway 2 that goes over Stevens Pass.

The fall colors are spectacular this year. The golds and reds are vibrant and the leaves shimmer on the trees.

I took these pictures while driving through the pass at high rates of speed. Aren't digital cameras great? Stopping and getting out of the car would be required otherwise.

Next week I'm off to Hawaii and our annual conference. Because I'm in charge of all the arrangements, it's a lot of work - but it is Hawaii! And, I'm going to spend some time with Pat Wood on Orion. Have I told you lately how much I love my job?

Just a phone call

2008-10-14T15:38:00.000-07:00

That would have been nice.

My 60th birthday was spectacular – as close to perfection as possible. But a phone call would have been nice.

My day started with a phone call from my favorite 7 year old (the son of a co-worker) singing Happy Birthday and telling me he loves me. Sigh!

At the office, my cubicle was decorated to the hilt. To get into it, crepe paper and balloons had to be moved aside. My bosses and co-workers took me to lunch at a very nice restaurant, made me wear a silly hat and sang as I blew out candles on the cake. I received expensive presents from my bosses and wonderful presents and cards from everyone – then another cake for the whole office (about 50 people) about 2:30. No phone call yet.

Left work at 3 and was greeted by 4 friends at home who took me out to dinner and then home for more cake and presents. There was a wonderful card from my little sister, Dr. Anonymouse with a very generous gift card. Have I mentioned lately how much I love my little sister?

Saturday was another day of celebrating with friends and off to another dinner. Still, no call.

Sunday, Dr. Anonymouse called to see if I was still alive from all the celebrating and to fill me in on her news. Couldn’t talk too long because my contractor was getting ready to leave and I needed to go over some things with him. But no other call.

It’s Tuesday. I’m 60 + 4days now. Life is settling back to normal. My friends, by blogging friends and my little sister made my birthday fabulous.

My mother and older sister forgot.

Just a phone call. That would have been nice.

Wisdom of the Aged - Part III

2008-10-10T11:19:00.000-07:00

On change

A wise woman once told me, “You can change.” So, I did! It’s harder than hell but it can be done. The most difficult part is convincing people you’ve known for years that you have actually changed. Many people don’t like change and don’t deal with it well. They cling to the past as if to a lifebuoy, afraid of what’s ahead even if what’s behind was worse.

People try to keep you in the past, or continue to make references to how you were instead of letting you move forward. It isn’t always malicious. They may not realize what they’re saying or how they’re acting is hurtful. They haven’t come to terms with their past experiences and allowing you to move forward would force them to deal with their own issues. I understand this and am happy to have found a way out of the maze. I try to live in the present, not the past or the future - to live every day as if it’s the only day that matters because it just may be.

Changing is a constant struggle and requires unwavering attention and introspection. Sometimes to accomplish it, you have to distance yourself from your past. You have to put space between yourself and the memories of who you were. Sometimes that space requires a physical move – far away where you can start fresh without all the people around to remind you of how completely you screwed up your life. It can be emotionally isolating but also liberating. It requires making a decision about what’s most important – placating other people, or making yourself happy.

I don’t blame anyone for my bad choices. That’s the easy thing to do and shifts responsibility for my decisions to others. Once I left home my decisions were all mine. No one forced me to do anything. Some people influenced me more than others but no one controlled my mind. I accept full responsibility for everything that happened to me. I live every day with the knowledge of my past mistakes but I don’t suffer from them anymore. I learned from them and moved on to a much happier life.

I don’t see myself as selling out for not taking my family and others to task for what they did or said to me years ago. I see it more as me taking back control of my life. They no longer have the ability to make me feel bad or inadequate because I won’t let them. They have no more power over me and what I do or how I feel. My choices in life are no longer dictated by what they might think or feel about me.

People who aren’t content with themselves will never be content with another person. Dragging another person into my issues isn’t going to solve them. It’s just going to make two people miserable.

I haven’t forgotten anything from my past. That’s both a problem and an advantage of having a good memory. I remember everything – good and bad, funny and sad, except for a few hours in Haiti, I remember it all. I remember the situations, the emotions that accompanied them and the pain they caused. However, I no longer feel the pain or suffer from the memories. I learned how to put the pain away and replaced it with the comfort of knowing I not only survived it, I grew and prospered.

I’ll never forget. I don’t want to. It keeps me humble and in touch with what’s important. I’m not just a survivor. I thrive. I made a conscious choice to live my life happy. I may be temporarily affected by what people say or do but I have no intention of allowing anyone to permanently change my choice to enjoy life.

I did some pretty stupid things in my past but don’t do them anymore and I don’t allow others to make me wallow in them either. Holding on to memories of how you were wronged is not going to make things right again. Forgiving (or at least forgetting) will. We have to move forward and leave the wrongdoers in our past where they belong.

Choices can be proactive or reactive. You can live life from the outside in, always focusing on external things to provide you with stimulus and meaning, or you can live life from the inside out by giving external things stimulus and meaning. You can live by your own decisions or you can live based on the decisions of others. You can live your dreams or you can live the dreams of others. It’s your choice. You have to define yourself not allow others to do it for you.

I haven’t resolved all the issues in my life, but most things that were so important and urgent 25 years ago are now either non-issues or under control. I appreciate life and have something a lot of people who had cancer or any serious disease will never have - the opportunity to continue working on my issues and looking for solutions.

I have hope for the future and a present full of good friends, a wonderful job, several “families” and a darling dog who thinks I am the greatest – especially when I give her treats. And best of all, I no longer aspire to be a drama queen. I’m very fond of my easy, comfortable, low trauma way of life. If I wasn’t me, I might just envy me!

I have lots of love in my life but not the love of my life. That’s okay. One of those unresolved issues is a fear of relationships. I don’t want to be a hotel again and I don’t want to check into any more hotels. I have too much self esteem now to do that again. There’s a real difference between being alone and being lonely. I recognize the difference and am happier alone than I ever was in a relationship. That doesn’t mean I’ve given up the idea of finding true love, just that without it, it’s still good.

Writing this gives me another opportunity to maintain my perspective. I can focus on the fact I had this health issue – cancer - that overwhelmed me and redirected my life for over twenty five years, or remember that the health issue was my catalyst for change and brought me where I am today. What an interesting conundrum. Did I have the disease, or did I allow it to have me? Or, both? And does it really matter?

Life should be a blessing. Always maintain your perspective. Don’t be afraid to take chances. Don’t be afraid of the unknown. Never give up hope. You can change.

Happy Birthday to me!

WooHoo! Let's Party!

2008-10-10T08:23:00.001-07:00

Welcome to my 60th birthday party!

Here's what greeted me when I arrived at work today!

Wisdom of the Aged - Part II

2008-10-09T08:48:00.000-07:00

More random thoughts.

I’m a simple low maintenance person who considers blush, mascara and lipstick a lot of makeup. My hair is wash and wear and to the chagrin of my hair stylist, I sometimes cut it myself. In fact, I have to change stylists occasionally because they get tired of trying to fix my self-inflicted mistakes.

I don’t look my age unless you get up close enough to see the lines and wrinkles. I smile and laugh a lot so they’re fully visible. No botox for me! Those lines are badges of honor for a life well lived and lessons learned. I’ll age gracefully – unless they come up with a pill to reverse the process – but I only want to reverse it physically and back to about age 25.

I don’t wear makeup on weekends unless I’m going somewhere. Jeans and t-shirts or comfy sweaters suit me just fine. I like being nondescript in stores because salespeople rarely bother with me. This is one time I’m happy to be the invisible woman.

I’m not a born shopper – except for shoes. I usually go into a store with something specific in mind, purchase it and leave. I don’t wander around a store and just look with no purpose in mind. Several friends are serial shoppers and they wear me out. It’s a concept to which I cannot relate.

I’m not in love with my cell phone. People who never lived without one don’t quite understand this. They think if the phone is off their life will stop. There’s such a thing as being too connected. I don’t need to share my every thought with someone as soon as I think it. The important ones will wait and still be there later.

I learned not to make any definitive statements about what I will or won’t do because they usually come back to bite me in the ass. That’s also why I no longer make New Year’s resolutions.

When people ride in my car, I turn off the radio because I like to converse with them, not just mention things in passing during commercials. When alone with the radio on I like all kinds of music, although I never learned to appreciate rap or heavy metal. When I’m driving down the interstate during rush hour with the radio blaring, singing at the top of my lungs and dancing in my seat, other drivers tend to give me a wide berth.

I like to talk to people who are deep thinkers and well informed because they challenge me to see alternate sides of issues and look at life from a different viewpoint. It may be a cliché, but I like to think outside the box and appreciate people who stimulate me to do so. When I’m tired, or my brain hurts from too much thinking all day, shallow thinkers are great. Then I just nod and smile and appreciate the respite.

I’m still doing drugs, but now they all come with prescriptions from my various doctors. Instead of buying them from dealers off the street, or growing them in my closet, I purchase them at Walgreen’s and pay a deductible.

The older I get, the more I get right but my choices seem to be less bold. Twenty years ago I moved every couple of years. Now I’ve owned my house for fourteen years and plan on staying there indefinitely. I used to be a job-hopper but now am happily entering my tenth year at the same company.

I am spiritual, though not part of any organized religion and don’t go to church on a regular basis. But I’m firmly convinced there’s a higher power into which I can tap in times of need. This brings me great peace. I believe someone watches over me, protecting me from harm and preventing me from making any totally irreparable mistakes. I’m glad they’re there and hope they hang around as long as possible. I listen to my intuition and trust it to move me in the right direction or keep me from being downright stupid.

Religion is a very personal thing and evokes deep emotions. Because of that I try not to discuss it with other people. If someone is searching for an answer I steer them to information that will help them discover their own path because the one I’m on may not be right for them. The result of being forced to make a choice that doesn’t ring true is usually chaos.

I live my life at a slower, quieter pace than many people. I think it’s the rural country girl in me trying to return to her roots, but not willing to give up all the conveniences of city life. I appreciate what I have and realize the difference between a want versus a need. Every year I get rid of more stuff and somehow, never miss it.

Occasionally I have moments of great clarity. They happen at the oddest times and always fill me with peace. They seem to be occurring more often with age. I realize, at that very point in time, I am right here in the present. My past and my future don’t matter. I get a peaceful feeling, forget all my worries and fears and enjoy the experience of just being.

I’m not prefect – not yet! I still talk myself out of doing things before giving them a chance to happen. I can have an idea, build it up, and make it progress into something wonderful, then come up with all kinds of reasons why it won’t work. Therefore I don’t even try it in the first place because I’ve already decided it was doomed before the start.

I can be discouraged and have a hard time shaking off criticism or negativity. So much of it was dumped on me in the past; it’s difficult not to focus on it. I’m moving beyond the old patterns of discouragement and criticism and when things seems overwhelming, remember the old saying, “The best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.” There are signs in my cubicle at work and office at home that say, “I will not be discouraged!”, to remind me to focus on the positive and good in my life because there’s so much of that now.

I don’t drive looking in the rear view mirror. I may glance at it occasionally for perspective but what’s in my field of vision is what’s most important. The present is precious and a great gift. Learning to appreciate what’s here and now is a difficult but invaluable lesson. And I don’t worry too much about the future – plan for it but don’t worry about it.

The final bit of wisdom comes on the big day - tomorrow.

Wisdom of the Aged

2008-10-08T10:27:00.000-07:00

In anticipation of my big day on Friday, I'm sharing some random pieces of wisdom gained from years of making mistakes.

Random Thoughts
Life is a series of choices. Unhappiness and misery are a choice. I deserve all the misery I experienced because I chose it. I also deserve all the good and happiness because that was also my choice. I no longer feel sorry for people who have the intellectual capacity but aren’t proactive in their own situations. I can certainly empathize with them but I don’t sympathize with them.

It’s more important to be happy than to be right. I didn’t consider how detrimental my stubbornness was to my happiness, and how hurtful it was to others. In examining my actions sometimes the things about which I most needed to be right were not really important.

The world is filled with love and happiness and we will find what we’re looking for when we know what we want. This was a difficult concept for me because since early childhood I’d never known real love and happiness. I had no idea what I really wanted and how it was supposed to look and feel. There was no role model to go by. There was no list and no rules to guide me. When I learned to look for the good – I found it.

Every person we meet is a reflection of ourselves. We learn something from them all, and the briefest encounters or the longest relationships provide opportunities for growth. Since I didn’t particularly like a lot of the people I met, it was painful to think they were personal reflections. The most irritating part was that many of the people I disliked kept hanging around. When I finally realized the only way to make them go away was to actually learn the lesson they were here to teach, they gradually started disappearing.

Everything that happens is either from love or from a call for love. All the negative feelings - anger, fear, hatred, envy, etc, - are just a call for love. We can see things differently just by looking at situations and people with unprejudiced eyes. Instead of reacting to the negative feelings with more negativity, if I look at it as a cry for help from that person, it’s easier to tap into the love inside myself and return love to them.

You need to have something that takes you outside yourself - a safe place to go where people don’t care what you do, or how much money you make, or how many mistakes you made in your past. It can be an organization, a sports league, a theater group, a book club, a sewing circle, a hiking or travel group, or you can volunteer. It really doesn’t matter what it is as long as it gets you away from the TV and computer once in a while and creates an opportunity for you to interact with other people.

You have to put yourself out there even if you occasionally make a fool of yourself. And if you do make a fool of yourself don’t internalize it. Laugh along with everyone else. Most people truly want you to succeed. There will always be a few negative, unhappy people who’ll gossip behind your back and make a point of exposing all of your flaws. But most people enjoy sharing in your success. It’s important to just do something.

I learned sometimes you have to take a chance and push yourself out of your comfort zone.

When I screw something up, it’s best to immediately admit it and find a solution.

All my diverse jobs and experiences provided me with a wonderful perspective about what’s important in my working environment. The route I took was filled with potholes – all of which I stepped in - but I don’t regret the journey. Some people are lucky. They know what they want to do in life right away and they pursue it. They find their bliss and follow it even if they have to make sacrifices along the way. The rest of us use the trial and error method. I know people who worked all their lives and were never happy. I learned it’s not easy to give up the security of a job - no matter how bad it is - to follow your bliss, but it can be very fulfilling.

There’s a right exercise for everyone. You have to find what works best for you and stick with it. Eventually, doing it feels so much better than not doing it that it becomes second nature. And, walking from the couch to the refrigerator and back several times a day does not qualify as an exercise routine unless your couch is at least a half mile away from your refrigerator. You don’t have to join a club or buy fancy equipment or exercise tapes or DVD’s to get exercise – you just have to get your butt off the couch and move. It’s important to take care of your body and your health. The older you get, the more things are prone to fall apart, but you can postpone that by taking care of yourself.

Plants can be a lot like the people in your life. They can enhance it, or detract from it. There’s nothing more depressing than a bunch of slug slimy sticks or more beautiful than a bed full of lovely flowers. We can’t be afraid to change our gardens occasionally.

I don’t have a “best” friend anymore, but I have lots of good friends for which I’m very grateful. People come and go. Some stay longer than others, but it’s a natural cycle and when one person leaves another comes in to fill the void. I no longer get upset or melancholy when I lose touch with an old friend. I’m just thankful I had them in my life at all and know I’m all the richer for having enjoyed their presence.

Being part of a family is important, even if it’s not the one into which you are born.
Sometimes the families you develop with others based on common beliefs, interests or activities can better provide you with things you need to nourish and sustain yourself. Learning to be thankful for friends and families you choose to have in your life is a mutually beneficial experience and well worth the effort. Friends are very important. They fill the spaces of your heart and keep you from taking yourself too seriously.

People may not do things the way I think they should but that doesn’t mean they’re wrong. There’s usually more than one way to accomplish goals. The roads taken may not always be the straightest and most efficient routes to the destination, but sometimes the scenery is just as good or better by straying from the interstate.

And some common sense - My old VW convertible had a black interior. When I lived in Las Vegas, I learned black is not a good interior color in the desert heat. With the windows cracked open, the ever present sun shields in place and a white towel draped across the steering wheel, you could still roast a turkey in the interior of your car on a summer’s day.

More tomorrow!

Flu

2008-10-03T09:49:00.000-07:00

Fighting it! Thank god for Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup!

It's another Saturday Night and I.....

2008-09-30T09:06:00.000-07:00

Went to the bookstore,

To let John Robison Look Me in the Eye.
(Sing along with me now!)

He was animated and very amusing,

He's really quite a guy!

Okay, enough of the silliness. Last Saturday night I ditched one of my cult meetings to go see one of my favorite authors - John Elder Robison. It was so worth it!

John is amazing. He talked for almost 45 minutes, digressing to tell stories along the way, and never once lost his train of thought or stumbled. He has an excellent command of the English language and is very entertaining.

I don't think the audience was prepared for John. There were so many people there with Aspergers or Autism in their families. I think he gave them a lot of hope, especially when he talked about the TMS study at Harvard and his successes in regaining some of his emotional intelligence.

I won't give away too much because everyone needs to hear him speak and listen to his message. He is dynamic and very interesting.

It was a great way to spend a Saturday night and I now have 3 signed copies of his book - the hardcover I won in a contest when it first came out, the hardcover I bought to lend out to friends and the paperback I bought Saturday.

I will continue to lend out the books because everyone who reads them is enlightened and impressed.

Thanks John for a wonderful experience!

Two weeks - I wonder.......

2008-09-26T10:34:00.000-07:00

Just two weeks to go until I turn 60.

I wonder why we "turn" to the next age.

Are we supposed to physically turn around? If so, when are we supposed to do it? At the exact time we were born?

I was born at 3:33 am CST. I don't want to stay up that late just to "turn" 60.

If I must "turn" 60, how do you propose I do it?

I wonder if this would work?

2008-09-25T08:57:00.001-07:00

A friend forwarded this - author unknown - and it seems like a great solution to me. What do you think?

I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.

Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a "We Deserve It" Dividend.

To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+.

Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up.

So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00.

My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a "We Deserve It" Dividend.

Of course, it would NOT be tax free.

So let's assume a tax rate of 30%.Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.

That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.

But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife has $595,000.00.

What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?

Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads
Put away money for college - it'll be there
Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs
Buy a new car - create jobs
Invest in the market - capital drives growth
Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves
Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean or else

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.

If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG - liquidate it.

Sell off its parts.

Let American General go back to being American General.

Sell off the real estate.

Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't.

Sure it's a crazy idea, but it can work!

But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!

How do you spell Economic Boom?

I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion.

We deserve that dividend more than the geniuses at AIG.

Author Unknown - I salute you!

I wonder............

2008-09-22T08:01:00.000-07:00

This was forwarded to me and it was too good not to pass on.

I'm a little confused. Let me see if I have this straight.....

If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're "exotic, different."

Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, a quintessential American story.

If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.

Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a maverick.

Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.

Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well
grounded.

If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.

If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.

If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.

If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.

If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.

If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're very responsible.

If your wife is a Harvard graduate laywer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's.

If you're husband is nicknamed "First Dude", with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.

OK, much clearer now.

I wonder if I'll ever understand politics!

I wonder........

2008-09-18T14:51:00.000-07:00

If I'll ever be able to retire. A year ago, I was on schedule to hang up my work mouse on December 31, 2014 - at age 66. Then I decided I could probably delay that until 12/31/15 because I love my job and waiting would give me even more social security income.

A year later, although I continue to force feed my 401k, contribute to a Roth IRA and have good investments, I'm almost $40,000 poorer. That's about how much I've lost due to the the Amazing George's financial crisis. I still have a good sized nest egg and lots of equity in my house, but this is playing havoc with all my financial retirement models.

I'm pissed and getting pretty cranky!

Working past 2015 almost seems a certainty right now and that really sucks! I started babysitting at age 10. I had my first paycheck job at 13. I always worked during breaks in high school and I helped put myself through college by working part time the entire time. That means I've been working in one form or another for almost 50 years. and contributing to Social Security for so long the government will simply be returning my principal and interest until I die.

A friend asked my advice on what to do in the current climate - sell, buy, wait? I advised her to just sit it out and wait. It's too late to sell. Buying in such a volatile market doesn't seem prudent. My advice sucks - but it's fairly sound. So I sit and wait and dream of an amazing recovery when Obama takes office and reforms our government.

Barring that, maybe Sarah can teach me how to shoot and dress an elk so I won't starve after I retire in my 80's.

I wonder ......

2008-09-15T15:57:00.000-07:00

This is from the Everett, WA Herald newspaper. It's about the town I live in. This has been in the news here for the last week and it makes me wonder -WTF were they thinking?

By Julie Muhlstein, Herald Columnist

Innocent children. No lunch money. Food denied.

What a perfect recipe for the heated brouhaha stirred up last week when the public caught wind of a new Edmonds School District lunch policy. Before officials changed their minds Thursday, the district had started the school year enforcing a pay-or-else practice that was nothing short of Dickensian.

Kids behind on bills had cafeteria lunches taken away -- and thrown away, because of food safety rules -- after they'd gone through lunch lines. A substituted cheese sandwich must have been cold comfort after a child was embarrassed in front of other kids.

Reading all that, I could almost hear echoes of Oliver Twist in the work house, holding his bowl for gruel and begging, "Please sir, I want some more."

A day after adding milk to the meager fare, the Edmonds district decided instead to suspend the new policy while seeking a better solution to the lunch budget crunch.

In Herald reporter Kaitlin Manry's article on the issue Wednesday, the money pinch hurting so many families was thrown right in our faces, particularly in the words of Hazelwood Elementary School cashier Barbara Burley: "Could you look into a kindergartner's eyes and take away their lunch and give them a cold cheese sandwich and nothing else?"

No doubt the district's lunch-money shortfall of $207,763 last year had myriad causes, from forgetful kids and irresponsible parents to children who brought sack lunches but decided instead to have cafeteria food. Part of it, though, is real need.

We all know that. Somewhere between paychecks many families bring home, even with several jobs, and the qualifying income for free lunches, is poverty in the shadows. With high costs for housing, groceries, gas and everything else, there is no question some families' cupboards and cash reserves are frighteningly bare.

Of course readers were disturbed by the lunch take-away policy, which put kids on the front line. Manry listened to callers and answered e-mail about the issue all week. What disturbed me was thinking that this is what it takes to stir people up about families in need -- an up-close scenario of a kindergartner being denied a school lunch.

We know there are poor families. We know there are kids living in cars in our own county. We know it, but rarely do we see it. Or think about it. Or get upset enough to do a thing.

Nina Mellish, of Bothell, was upset enough to contact The Herald. The 71-year-old has worked as a teacher's aide and a social worker. In Salem, Ore., she worked at a school in a poor neighborhood where the PTA helped pay for free breakfasts and lunches.

"A lot of these kids would come to school in winter with rubber boots and no shoes or socks," Mellish said. She's seen kids who've had nothing but potato chips for breakfast. "There is no way we should be penalizing a small child," Mellish said. "I really believe little kids should be cared for."

That's a simple statement, but a profound one. It goes way beyond lunches, to health care, educational opportunities and emotional needs. Yes, parents should be responsible. But no, sometimes they are not, for whatever reasons. And kids should be cared for. Period.

I also wonder......

2008-09-14T18:02:00.000-07:00

Why people can't stand to just be quiet anymore? Everywhere I go, people are attached to either I-pods or cell phones or some variation thereof.

I know I'm getting old compared to the rest of you, but sometimes I like to turn everything off. Walking my dog and listening to nothing in particular, or driving in the car with the radio off, or sitting at home reading or cross-stitching with no TV or anything makes me happy and peaceful. I do my best thinking at those times.

Why does everyone need noise all the time?

I really wonder..............

2008-09-13T16:22:00.000-07:00

How many politicians it takes to change a light bulb?

Personally, I'd say none. They would study the bulb until the building and fixture to which it was attached rotted and fell apart. Then they would bulldoze it, build a new building with new fixtures and pay several government employees to put in new bulbs at the rate of about one per hour to allow for plenty of breaks.

Bragging rights to the person who can comes up with a better answer.

Stupidity - I wonder....

2008-09-12T10:30:00.001-07:00

I wonder how stupid people make it through life. Seriously! Some people seem so clueless it baffles me how they can even make it through a single day, much less a whole lifetime.

Any thoughts?

Recovery – I wonder….

2008-09-11T09:09:00.000-07:00

I wonder how long it takes to recover from a broken heart? Not the kind where you break up with your spouse or significant other – the kind where you suffer a devastating loss.

I live in a friendly, stable, middle-class neighborhood. People who move here have a tendency to stay for a long time. We get to know each other but don’t intrude in each other’s lives. We watch out for each other when any of us are gone on vacation or when we see strangers in the neighborhood. We share gardening tips, talk about things going on in our lives and sometimes discuss the world situation. Occasionally we gossip about each other and we have gone through good times and bad together.

New York and Washington D.C. are far away from our comfortable little environment. On the morning of September 11, 2001, my alarm rang at 6 a.m. Pacific time. A song was playing and I was in a fog headed for the shower. Ten minutes later there was no more music and the normally light-hearted DJ’s were somber. It was obvious something serious happened, so I turned on the TV and saw the smoke and flames coming from the north tower of the WTC. No one was sure what happened, but the term “tragic accident” was used when -WHAM - at 6:03 a.m. Pacific time I witnessed a plane fly into the south tower.

I’m not often stunned, but I had to sit down because of the shock. I watched for a few minutes then rushed to dry my hair and get ready for work trying not to miss any coverage. The talk changed from tragic accident, but there were no real theories yet on what happened. The scenes from New York looked surreal.

Shortly after 6:37 a.m. the news the Pentagon had been hit was broadcast. Hijacking and terrorists were words used with increasing frequency. While we sat waiting for pictures from the Pentagon, at 6:59 a.m. the north tower collapsed. The scene on TV was utter chaos and it was apparent that even the newscasters were in shock.

Pictures came in from the Pentagon with smoke and flames, then the replay of the north tower collapse, then the news that Flight 92 crashed in the Pennsylvania countryside at 7:06 a.m. and just 22 minutes later at 7:28 a.m. the south tower collapsed in a huge cloud of dust.

I watched for another 10 minutes then left for work, not caring about running late. I listened to the radio all the way in and noticed the solemn looks on the faces of other drivers. People at work were shaken and we all had the news streaming on our computers. It was impossible to talk or think about anything else. We had jobs to do, but our hearts weren’t there. We ate lunch in the conference room with the TV and as soon as work was over, went home to turn on our TV’s.

I pulled into my garage then went over to my mailbox to grab the mail. I was in a hurry to get inside and watch the news, but my next door neighbor yelled at me. I didn’t want to talk and was a little irritated, but she insisted and what she said stopped me in my tracks.

My neighbors – a couple in their late 70’s at the time – their son might have been in the Pentagon.

No one was sure yet. There hadn’t been any confirmation, but his wife said he went into work that morning. He was only 30 days away from retiring from a long career in the Army and wasn’t supposed to be in his office that day, but he was trying to finish up some paperwork. He was a dedicated officer, a good and only son, had 3 children and a stable marriage. I met him a few times and he was a very nice person.

His office was directly in the path of Flight 77.

We spent that evening and most of the next day waiting to find out if he was in the Pentagon when Flight 77 hit.

He was there.

They never found him.

There was nothing left to find.

It was a sad time for all of us and though we were on the other side of the country, it made the whole tragedy very personal and real for us.

I took a pie because that’s how I was raised. When something tragic happened to someone, you took food. Olga told me later she was glad to have it because they had so much company. The flowers arrived, and arrived, and arrived and arrived. The official Army vehicles came and went several times. Friends and relatives paid their respects and gradually things got back to normal.

On the first anniversary of the tragedy, I took some flowers and a card to let them know I was thinking of them. They showed me a wonderful portrait someone had painted of him after his death. They were so proud of him. We all were.

September 11th is always a sad day in this neighborhood.

Today it’s even sadder. Last November Olga died. She never really recovered from his death. In June, Lee died too. He was an ornery old cuss, but he needed Olga so he went to find her.

The house is sold and soon new neighbors will settle in.

Olga and Lee never recovered from their devastating loss.

I wonder if they ever would have had they lived longer.

Countdown begins

2008-09-10T10:05:00.001-07:00

One month from today - October 10th - I turn 60. The countdown begins! As I reach this new milestone, there are many things about which I wonder, so I shall share them with you as we progress to the big day.

Today, I wonder why there were so few comments on the last post. I know almost 100 people read it, but only a handful commented. This is an important topic and whether you agree or not with Ms Steinem, surely you have an opinion. So, thank you to those of you who replied and to those of you who didn't - why not?

Palin - WTF?

2008-09-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

Opinion Palin: wrong woman, wrong message
By Gloria Steinem
September 4, 2008

Sarah Palin shares nothing but a chromosome with Hillary Clinton. She isPhyllis Schlafly, only younger. Here's the good news: Women have become so politically powerful that eventhe anti-feminist right wing -- the folks with a headlock on the RepublicanParty -- are trying to appease the gender gap with a first-ever female vicepresident. We owe this to women -- and to many men too -- who have picketed,gone on hunger strikes or confronted violence at the polls so women can vote. We owe it to Shirley Chisholm, who first took the "white-male-only" signoff the White House, and to Hillary Rodham Clinton, who hung in there throughridicule and misogyny to win 18 million votes.

But here is even better news: It won't work. This isn't the first timea boss has picked an unqualified woman just because she agrees with him andopposes everything most other women want and need. Feminism has never been about getting a job for one woman. It's about making life more fair for womeneverywhere. It's not about a piece of the existing pie; there are too manyof us for that. It's about baking a new pie.

Palin appears to disagree with McCain on sex education

Selecting Sarah Palin, who was touted all summer by Rush Limbaugh, is no way to attract most women, including die-hard Clinton supporters. Palin shares nothing but a chromosome with Clinton. Her down-home, divisive and deceptive speech did nothing to cosmeticize a Republican convention that has more than twice as many male delegates as female, a presidential candidate who is owned and operated by the right wing and a platform that opposes pretty much everything Clinton's candidacy stood for -- and that Barack Obama's still does. To vote in protest for McCain/Palin would be like saying, "Somebody stole my shoes, so I'll amputate my legs."

This is not to beat up on Palin. I defend her right to be wrong, even on issues that matter most to me. I regret that people say she can't do the jobbecause she has children in need of care, especially if they wouldn't saythe same about a father. I get no pleasure from imagining her in the spotlight on national and foreign policy issues about which she has zero background, with one month to learn to compete with Sen. Joe Biden's 37 years'experience.

Palin has been honest about what she doesn't know. When asked last monthabout the vice presidency, she said, "I still can't answer thatquestion until someone answers for me: What is it exactly that the VP does every day?" When asked about Iraq, she said, "I haven't really focusedmuch on the war in Iraq."

She was elected governor largely because the incumbent was unpopular, andshe's won over Alaskans mostly by using unprecedented oil wealth to give a$1,200 rebate to every resident. Now she is being praised by McCain'scampaign as a tax cutter, despite the fact that Alaska has no state income orsales tax. Perhaps McCain has opposed affirmative action for so long that hedoesn't know it's about inviting more people to meet standards, notlowering them. Or perhaps McCain is following the Bush administration habit, as in the Justice Department, of putting a job candidate's views on "God,guns and gays" ahead of competence. The difference is that McCain isfilling a job one 72-year-old heartbeat away from the presidency.

So let's be clear: The culprit is John McCain. He may have chosen Palin outof change-envy, or a belief that women can't tell the difference betweenform and content, but the main motive was to please right-wing ideologues; the same ones who nixed anyone who is now or ever has been a supporter ofreproductive freedom. If that were not the case, McCain could have chosen awoman who knows what a vice president does and who has thought about Iraq;someone like Texas Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison or Sen. Olympia Snowe of Maine.McCain could have taken a baby step away from right-wing patriarchs whodetermine his actions, right down to opposing the Violence Against Women Act.

Palin's value to those patriarchs is clear: She opposes just about everyissue that women support by a majority or plurality. She believes thatcreationism should be taught in public schools but disbelieves global warming; she opposes gun control but supports government control of women's wombs; she opposes stem cell research but approves "abstinence-only"programs, which increase unwanted births, sexually transmitted diseases andabortions; she tried to use taxpayers' millions for a state program to shootwolves from the air but didn't spend enough money to fix a state schoolsystem with the lowest high-school graduation rate in the nation; she runs with a candidate who opposes the Fair Pay Act but supports $500 million in subsidies for a natural gas pipeline across Alaska; she supports drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve, though even McCain has opted for the lesser evil of offshore drilling. She is Phyllis Schlafly, only younger.

I don't doubt her sincerity. As a lifetime member of the National RifleAssn., she doesn't just support killing animals from helicopters, she doesit herself. She doesn't just talk about increasing the use of fossil fuelsbut puts a coal-burning power plant in her own small town. She doesn't justecho McCain's pledge to criminalize abortion by overturning Roe vs. Wade,she says that if one of her daughters were impregnated by rape or incest, sheshould bear the child. She not only opposes reproductive freedom as a humanright but implies that it dictates abortion, without saying that it alsoprotects the right to have a child.

So far, the major new McCain supporter that Palin has attracted is James Dobson of Focus on the Family. Of course, for Dobson, "women are merely waiting for their husbands to assume leadership," so he may be voting forPalin's husband.

Being a hope-a-holic, however, I can see two long-term bipartisan gains fromthis contest.

Republicans may learn they can't appeal to right-wing patriarchs and mostwomen at the same time. A loss in November could cause the centrist majority of Republicans to take back their party, which was the first to support the Equal Rights Amendment and should be the last to want to invite government into thewombs of women.

And American women, who suffer more because of having two full-time jobs thanfrom any other single injustice, finally have support on a national stage from male leaders who know that women can't be equal outside the home until men are equal in it. Barack Obama and Joe Biden are campaigning on their belief that men should be, can be and want to be at home for their children.

This could be huge.

Gloria Steinem is an author, feminist organizer and co-founder of theWomen's Media Center. She supported Hillary Clinton and is now supportingBarack Obama.

Chuckle!!!!

2008-09-03T14:03:00.000-07:00

I apologize for the lack of posts lately, but I'm busier than that one-armed paperhanger we all hear about. To prevent you from abandoning me completely, here's a little something that made me snort.

Fall Classes for Men at

THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED

by Friday, September 12th 2008

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--S
tep by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--
Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5 Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Scientific proof against this theory.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6 Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Support Groups with hotline available to participants.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7 Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
An entertaining presentation with moderated discussion--bring paper and pen for notes.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8 Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Power Point Presentation.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--
Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11 Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14 The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Remarkable people

2008-08-24T19:02:00.000-07:00

My little sister is about the only member of my family to whom I’m close. She’s 8 years younger and suffered greater emotional and mental abuse from our parents. She was a young, innocent victim of the nasty divorce war they waged. Both mother’s second husband and dad’s third wife treated her horribly. From age 11 on, I had a terrible home life but she had much worse.

She ran away from home at age 15, came back for about a week when she was 16 and then left again. We didn’t hear from her until she turned 18. Her life was difficult and when she came back her health was poor. Our parents paid lip service to her and threw some money at her health, but they failed to give her what she most needed – their time and attention.

She moved permanently to California where she worked, got her GED and eventually graduated from university. She found a wonderful man at school who loved and cared about her. They married and eventually moved to Massachusetts where she received a master’s degree. She was working on her PhD from Harvard when they returned to California.

She took time out to have a beautiful daughter and adopt a remarkable young man from Eastern Europe. When they learned he is autistic, she became an expert on the subject. Eventually they made me very happy by moving to within 5 miles of Disney World. What a great sister!

Her daughter is starting college this month, her son is making remarkable progress in school and life, she’s a wonderful mother, her marriage is solid, she is a published author, a college teacher and an accomplished, intelligent woman. Despite all the predictions of our negative and nasty relatives, she is a smashing success.

Obstacles were no match for her determination. The past didn’t weigh her down – it propelled her onward.

This week she received her PhD.

I know you’re reading this Dr. Anonymouse. You are my hero. I couldn’t be more proud of you.

The wisdom of Andy Rooney

2008-08-20T08:11:00.000-07:00

A friend sent this to me and it's too good not to share.

In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40:

60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forth right and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one . You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!

A secret to staying young

2008-08-14T12:59:00.000-07:00

Someone gave me a sign that says, “The secret to staying young is to lie about your age.”

What a crock of shit! Everyone knows the secret to staying young is liposuction, botox, cosmetic surgery, youth serum injections and overdoses of vitamins and minerals.
My body’s like a car that’s so old and with so many miles the warranty is expired and everything’s either falling apart or needs replacement. No matter how many times you get new oil, tires, or brakes, something else is going to fall apart and the costs just keep getting higher.

In 2 months I’m turning 60 and can guarantee you that youth is highly overrated, except for the physical part. Unfortunately, there’s no trading your body in.

I’m grand now – seriously. I am a grand officer in my cult this year. It’s a great honor and I’m having a wonderful time, but it means meetings 2 to 4 nights per week and many Saturdays – all over the state. This explains my serious lack of blog time lately and my perpetual physical tiredness. Note I said “physical”.

In my 20’s and 30’s I had more energy physically, but emotional demons and mental strain from work and life prevented full enjoyment of each day. Years of experience, personal introspection and therapy exorcised most of those demons, so mentally and emotionally I’m having a fabulous time. But I’m tired.
Walking the dog as often as possible, using the stairs instead of the elevator, eating healthy food, taking my vitamins, following the doctors orders and not listening to advice from unhealthy people hasn’t solved this problem. Friends in high places in the cult say I’ll adjust to the schedule in a couple of months and stop pining for my old, familiar routine. Meanwhile, I limp along trying to suppress my yawns and look alert and interested in cult meetings, then stay awake at work during the week.

Yesterday I went on a work outing. About 12 staff members took about 80 senior citizens to Tillicum Village on Blake Island. All the pictures are from this great adventure.
It was a fabulous day with excellent weather, delicious food and fun. It was also a wonderful lesson in aging. We had 3 people in wheel chairs, about 15 with walkers, and several with canes. The average age of the seniors was about 83, so this level of infirmity wasn’t unusual. Those who needed no assistance and had no trouble negotiating – who actually ran up and down the stairs on the boat taking pictures and walked around exploring the island – were a fantastic example of what life can be like if we take care of ourselves when we’re younger.
With the knowledge gained over time, if I could go back and change anything - I wouldn’t, with one exception; I would take much better care of myself physically. It’s not too late, and I’m working hard to counteract the effect of aging. Now, if they could find a way to take my brain with all my wisdom and memories and put it into a really healthy 25 year old body……..

Openness

2008-08-11T13:18:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago, Erica made a comment that caused me to rethink my position on authenticity – thus the blog post. After seeing my post, she e-mailed me to make sure she hadn’t offended me with her comment.

Twenty or thirty years ago, my reaction might have been, “What a bitch! How dare she question my authenticity?” Today I welcome the input and the opportunity for growth. I wasn’t offended at all and told her I love being challenged to look deeper inside and examine my actions. Then, the other day my horoscope said, “Sometimes new people enter out lives to make us question ourselves, not just to enjoy ourselves.”

Everyone has the potential to affect our lives if we are open to it. Whether the encounter is brief or lengthy, the impact can be profound – IF WE ARE OPEN TO IT!

People often take offense when none was meant. We become so guarded and engrossed in our own dramas, so sure we are right and others can’t possibly know or understand our situations, we miss opportunities for wisdom and growth. There are messages everywhere – from people, billboards, newspapers, advertisements, nature. Answers jump up and down and wave red flags at us, but we don’t see them.

Life is hectic, people come and go, we are bombarded with noise and information and we become resistant to outside influences.

The simplest encounters can provide great insight if we are open to it.

Are you open to it?

E-mail updates

2008-08-05T12:22:00.000-07:00

This is a slow day at work so I thought you might enjoy sharing the contents of my junk e-mail box. There are only 107 items in there right now. I deleted about 500 last Thursday night, so it’s still recovering.

Lots of people want to give me some training. Do they know something about my current work situation that I don’t?

There are 8 offers for medical transcription programs promising me a bright future and I can start today, work from home and do easy work for great pay. Or I can accept one of the 5 offers to do medical billing. My rewarding career can begin with a nursing degree, or I can take up any one of the 6 current offers for x-ray technician training. If I want to be on the periphery of the medical industry, there are several offers to work in a relaxing environment as a massage therapist or I can take advantage of a wide range of job opportunities in health and wellness centers and spas and resorts.

If I want to stay away from the medical field, Kaplan University is hotly pursuing me with opportunities to learn online while I work. I can become a CSI and get hands on training in forensics. Someone thinks my name is Wilhemina and wants me to know that Google has work available for me. I can even get grant funding from the government for all of these things.

The casting department is looking for actors and movie extras in my area. I always did want to be a star! Helen wants to help me upgrade my skills and advance my career. Janet tells me that local home-workers are needed and Jenny and Denise have information about data-entry positions. Or, I can go to Psychology School! Perhaps the message here is that I need to suck-up to my current bosses a little more.

I’m thrilled to report that I’ve been selected for several Wal-Mart cards and at least 2 Exxon gas cards. Or, even better, a $500 dollar Target gift card. The Wall Street Journal has sent a limited time offer. Dish Network wants to give me 100 channels for only $29.99 per month including HBO a DVR and no cost installation.

Captiva wants to pamper my skin and remove the stretch marks. (Good luck with that one! How many barrels do I get?)

The Acai Berry Association, AHA, American Diet Institute, Janice and Marisa all want to let me know that Acai has been voted 2008 superfood of the year. But does it taste good with chocolate?

My credit score seems to be of great concern. 3-in-1 Credit Report, Credit Report Adviser, Credit Report Center, Credit Security Notice and Credit Report Time all want to assist me in this area.

Aha and the American Diet Institute want to reveal celebrity body secrets to me and WuYiTea is willing to let me know what celebrities know about them. Obviously they know how concerned I am about how celebrities stay so emaciated and artificial looking.

The American Diet Institute and the American Health Association want me to flush up to 50 lbs. Is that 50 lbs of fat or marijuana?

Amy has sent several e-mails about the average US auto insurance rates. Alexandria wants to know why I pay more for my remedys. (Her spelling) Branda has pain remedys (her spelling) at low cost. Damon is offering wholesale prices on all health related items. Pfizer discount is offering a private renewal. (Of what?) In case I have it, both Ringing in Ears and Tinnitus Relief are offering a formula to Stop the Buzz! And, Lorie is offering to ship generic brand remedys quickly and discreetly to my front door.

Approved Auto Loan wants my drivers license for final approval on a loan I don’t know about. Barbain Network will help me find foreclosed homes from 10,000. (They don’t say 10,000 what.)

Car Loan Credit Waiver wants people with the WORST credit possible. (I'm feeling depressed here!) Fuel Solution has a secret to saving me 70 cents per gallon on gas. Funds Available has sent several e-mails about a cash/credit transfer I didn’t make. Truly Affordable Coverage wants to help with my health insurance with instant quotes and expert service. Vacation Flight Card wants to give me a getaway trip for 2. (Do they provide the second person? Do I have a choice among contenders?)

Several people are trying to find me – at least according to Finding People, Person Locator and Reuniting People. Consuelo wants to discuss Next Month with me and Edmond is giving me his phone number in case I need to get hold of him.

And last but certainly not least; Viagra @ genuine Shop wants me to have greater male volume and power and Gustavo Coley wants me to get a bigger penis.

Does that penis come with a man, Gustavo? Do I get to pick him out? I have a list of requirements I can e-mail to you.

Update on my memoir

2008-08-03T19:59:00.001-07:00

A friend e-mailed me recently to ask if my memoir is done.

My memoir is done. I don’t mean done as in ready to publish. I mean done, as in finished and safely tucked away. It served its purpose by bringing me full circle and allowing me to exorcise the demons of the past. I looked them in the eye, came to terms with our unresolved issues, and let them go.

My life wasn’t extraordinary. Millions of people went through the turmoil of the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. They indulged in sex, drugs and rock and roll. Millions of people had cancer. Millions of people went back to school, had several careers, moved across country and changed their lives completely. Maybe none of them experienced things the way I did, but my life wasn’t extraordinary.

When you start with a premise that isn’t extraordinary, the writing MUST be. My writing was good, but I couldn’t make my story extraordinary. To do that would require trashing my family and throwing my life open to the scrutiny of friends and acquaintances. Neither of those appeals to me.

No matter how difficult my past relationships were or still are, throwing them under the bus doesn’t solve anything. Exposing my version of their flaws would reopen old wounds and embarrass them. Nothing I said to bring closure to the issues would stop the pain and anger they would feel from reading my truth. No amount of praise or explanations from me would dull the pain.

My family and friends aren’t perfect – not even close – but they aren’t monsters. They deserve the opportunity to live the rest of their lives in peace – far away from me. We have a truce. We have limited but polite contact and we all do our own thing. Occasionally we see each other for brief periods then run to our respective homes and de-stress.

I have a happy life now – including great friends, a good job, financial security, mostly good health and the world’s sweetest dog. I don’t want to jeopardize that by publishing my memoir. Any money, or notoriety received wouldn’t be worth it. The price is too high.

I’m slowly working on a cozy mystery and having a wonderful time developing the story and characters.

And my memoir is done.

Honesty

2008-07-27T15:19:00.000-07:00

My last post and all the comments discussed authenticity. Most of us seemed to agree that in some situations social decorum might be better than outright honesty. To me, there are some circumstances that require absolute honesty. For example;

Occasionally I delude myself into thinking my Mr. Right is still out there looking for me. In those moments of weakness, Match.com usually gets another 3 months worth of my hard earned pay. After numerous winks, e-mails and even a few quick encounters at Starbucks, no one has managed to hold my attention long enough to continue the exploration. The chemistry was non-existent.

My profile is honest and my pictures are recent and that’s what I expect from others. I’m baffled by those who post false information. A while ago I received an e-mail from Mr. X who said he read my profile and thought we would be a great match. He invited me to read his profile and respond if I was interested.

His profile stated he was divorced, 5’10”, athletic and toned, seemed to indicate he was stable and sane and his pictures didn’t bark at me from the page. A couple of e-mails later we agreed to meet at a Starbucks near my office. I own stock in Starbucks, so everyone has to meet me there to contribute to my retirement.

I walked into Starbucks in my 3 inch heels, which make me 5’10” tall, and looked around for someone matching his description/picture. I ordered my drink, and sat down when a man walked up to my table and asked if I was me. He didn’t look anything like Mr. X, so I thought this was a friend of his that was either scouting me out, or telling me he couldn’t make it.

It was Mr. X.

I stood up and towered over him by at least 4 inches. In his pictures he had hair, but in reality he had almost none and his belly was doing flops over his belt.

RED FLAG

I said, “You don’t look like your picture.”

He said, “Oh, that was taken about 10 years ago. I didn’t have a recent one and my wife threw away everything else.”

RED FLAG

I said, “I thought you were divorced.”

He said, “We’re in the process, but she wants everything so my lawyer and I are holding out. You know how it is.”

BRIGHT RED Flag

I said, “No, I don’t. I’ve never been married. Your profile also said you were 5’10” tall and athletic and toned.”

He said, “Yeah, I know. If you don’t say those kind of things most women won’t e-mail you back. I’ve been on Match.com long enough to know that.”

BRIGHT RED WAIVING FLAG

I picked up my drink and purse and said, “Thanks for meeting me here. I have to go.”

He said, “Is that it? You’re leaving just because I’m not tall and handsome enough?”

I said, “No. I’m leaving because you lied. You lied about your height, body type, and marital status. It makes me wonder what else you lied about or might lie about in the future.”

And I left.

Everyone has flaws and problems. How we handle them says a lot about our character. Lying in a social situation by pretending you’re having a good time when you aren’t is, to me, forgivable. Lies like Mr. X told aren’t.

What do you think, and what would you have done?

Authenticity

2008-07-13T20:13:00.000-07:00

“Authenticity" in psychology refers to the courage to live one's life according to the needs of one's inner being, rather than the demands of society or one's early conditioning.

This topic bonked me in the brain a couple of times lately. Erica Orloff did a post July 9th about what we dreamed about becoming when we were young – did we really want to be writers and did we do it.

When I was young I dreamed of being a great actress and standing on the stage to accept my Academy Award thanking all the little people who made it possible. No, I didn’t become a great actress, but I spent a lot of my life acting like I was interested, amused, happy, caring and so on. I was an actress. I just didn’t get paid or win any awards for it. Erica responded that she always tried to live her life authentically. Uh, Oh!

Then I was at a wedding reception recently where of 10 people at the table, I knew 2. I’m not very outgoing unless I know people and am comfortable in a situation. This was not one of those times. I’m almost 60 and I was the youngest person at the table by about 10 years. The woman sitting next to me was from Scotland and only wanted to talk about golf. When she learned I play golf infrequently – last time was about 5 years ago – she quickly turned to the person on her other side.

I engaged in some conversations, smiled, ate, and got the hell out of there as soon as appropriate. As I was getting ready to leave the table, the woman on the other side of golf lady (who was in the loo) smiled at me and asked, “Are you authentic?”

I must have looked puzzled because she said, “You’ve been sitting here for almost 2 hours, smiling, laughing, nodding and talking, but I don’t think you’ve really been here. Was your participation authentic?”

Wow! I hesitated for a moment unsure of how to respond. I said, “I hope I haven’t offended you. I’m not very good at social interactions with strangers. This isn’t my forte. Am I authentic? I’m not sure. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

She said, “The fact that you didn’t have a ready answer means you’re probably more authentic than many people. At least you’re willing to consider it.”

Am I authentic? With my friends and in most areas of my everyday life, I am. I’m very honest and straightforward – tactfully so (usually). I like the truth and believe being true to myself is as important as being truthful with others.

However, in social situations I’m an actress. The truth is I’d rather be home or with close friends, but that isn’t always possible so I pretend. Normally I’m a very good actress. The lady at the reception is the first person to ever question me. It was odd because I’m the one who is usually accused of being hyper aware – of practically being able to read people’s minds.

So, the answer to her question is yes and no. Yes about 80% of the time and no the rest.

Are you authentic?

My Town Monday - Seattle's Pike Place Market

2008-07-07T13:36:00.001-07:00

Between 1906 and 1907 the price of onions rose from 10 cents per pound to $1.00 per pound. (By comparison, a pair of shoes cost $2). Seattle citizens, angry at price-gouging middlemen, pressured the city to establish a public market where customers could 'meet the producer' directly. Saturday, August 17, 1907, about ten farmers pulled up their wagons on a boardwalk adjacent to the Leland Hotel. Before noon that day, all their produce had sold out. After an enthusiastic response from local shoppers, the first building at the Market was opened in late 1907. Within a decade, the Corner Market, Economy Market, Sanitary Market, and North Arcade were built.

By the 1940s, more than two-thirds of the stalls in Pike Place Market were owned by Japanese-Americans. Following the bombing of Pearl Harbor December 7, 1941, President Roosevelt signed Executive Order 9066 February 19, 1942, which forced all Americans of Japanese ancestry in the "exclusion zone" of western Washington, western Oregon, California, and southern Arizona into internment camps in California. Their property, including any stalls at Pike Place, was confiscated and sold.

In 1963, a proposal was floated to demolish Pike Place Market and replace it with Pike Plaza, which would include a hotel, an apartment building, four office buildings, a hockey arena, and a parking garage. However, there was significant community opposition and an initiative was passed on November 2, 1971 that created a historic preservation zone and returned the Market to public hands. The Pike Place Market Preservation and Development Authority was created by the city to run the Market. Over the course of the 1970s, all the Market's historic buildings were restored and renovated using the original plans and blueprints and appropriate materials.

In the 1980s, federal welfare reform squeezed the social services based in the Market. As a result, a nonprofit group, the Pike Place Market Foundation, was established by the PDA to raise funds and administer the Market's free clinic, senior center, low-income housing, and childcare center. Also in the 1980s the wooden floors on the top arcade were replaced with tiles (so as to prevent water damage to merchandise on the lower floors) that were laid by the PDA after staging a hugely successful capital campaign - people could pay $35 to have their name(s) inscribed on a tile. Between 1985 and 1987, more than 45,000 tiles were installed and nearly 1.6 million dollars was raised.

Currently, the longest tenured vendor at the Pike Place Market is Sol Amon's Pure Food Fish. Inheriting the business from his father, Sol has donned his apron at Pure Food Fish for over fifty years. Sol's presence can often be seen outside his stall chatting with visitors and helping them choose the best fish to bring home to their families. He helps them package his special Alderwood Smoked Salmon or Copper River Salmon to enjoy in their homes after their trip.

One of the Market's major attractions is Pike Place Fish Market, where employees throw three-foot salmon and other fish to each other rather than passing them by hand. When a customer orders a fish, an employee at the Fish Market's ice-covered fish table picks up the fish and hurls it over the countertop, where another employee catches it and preps it for sale.

According to the employees, this tradition started when the fishmongers got tired of having to walk out to the Market's fish table to retrieve a salmon each time someone ordered one. Eventually, the owner realized it was easier to station an employee at the table, to throw the fish over the counter. The "flying fish" have appeared in an episode of the television sitcom Frasier that was shot on location and have been featured on The Learning Channel and was also in the opening credits of MTV's The Real World: Seattle.

Starbucks Coffee was founded near Pike Place Market in 1971. The three partners were inspired to open the store and sell high-quality coffee beans. The first store relocated to Pike Place Market in 1976, where it is still in operation. The sign outside this branch, unlike others, features the original logo - a bare-breasted siren that was modeled after a 15th century Norse woodcut. It also features a large pig statue, a landmark throughout the market.

Pike Place Market's official mascot, Rachel, a bronze cast piggy bank that weighs nearly 600 pounds, is located at the corner of Pike Place under the "Public Market Center" sign. Rachel was designed by local artist Georgia Gerber and modeled after a pig (also named Rachel) that lived on Whidbey Island and was the 1977 Island County prize-winner. Rachel receives roughly $9,000 annually in just about every type of world currency, which is collected by the Market Foundation to fund the Market's social services. Locals make a habit of emptying their pockets and rubbing Rachel's snout for good luck.

My Town Monday is the brilliant conception of Travis Erwin. Please visit his blog for links to other fabulous places.

Happy 4th of July

2008-07-02T18:31:00.000-07:00

Hope you have a wonderful 4th of July! I'm taking time off to completely heal and get caught up. Hope to be blogging again next week.

Hugs to everyone for all the e-mails and comments!

Why Father's Day sucks

2008-06-17T14:20:00.000-07:00

This is a repeat of a previous post, but it's still accurate.

I’d love to tell you all the warm and fuzzy tales about my Dad and our relationship, but that would be utter bullshit. There aren’t any. Growing up, he was always busy – working or playing golf with his friends, or going out to various functions. He didn’t sit around the house much and wasn’t interested in playing with his girls. I always wanted him to love me and he may have, but not enough to pay any attention to me.

Still, at age 11 when Mom and Dad started fighting openly and Dad left, I was devastated. My world crashed down around me and reality took a big bite out of my ass. Daddies didn’t leave. They stayed and loved and protected their little girls, watched them grow up, and then walked them down the aisle and passed them on to their husbands. They didn’t leave!

My parents’ separation was ugly. I remember screaming and shouting and seeing Mom chase Dad through the house with a cast iron skillet and a tennis racquet. It scared me to death. I begged them to stop fighting and my father not to leave - but of course he had to. He was caught having an affair with his secretary and in our very small town this was very big news. My Mom moved my 2 sisters and me to another town 250 miles away and we saw Dad occasionally for the next few years.

When I stayed with him in the summers I worked, either as a bus girl, maid, porter or sometimes at the front desk of his hotel. It kept me busy, but created long, lonely memories. I once overheard one of his employees commenting that I seemed to be a very sad girl. She was right. He didn’t know how to give me what I needed most – his time and attention. I was in his life but not part of it.

I went to college in the town where he lived and worked for Dad part time while in school. Having him in the same town was an advantage because I got to see him occasionally, I had a job, and a lot of people in town knew him and watched out for me. It was a disadvantage because a lot of people in town knew him and watched out for me. I learned to be very sneaky – or so I thought until he ended up having to extricate me from a couple of embarrassing situations. He never said anything except, “Try to be more careful next time.” I think in some ways I was too much like him for his comfort. I wanted him to love me and only seemed to get his attention by acting out. I acted out frequently.

We disagreed on almost everything. He was a staunch conservative Republican who boasted he never voted for a Democrat in his life. I was and still am a liberal Democrat and never tired of reminding him that at every election I was proudly and deliberately canceling out his vote. In fact, that was one of my prime motivating factors for always voting.

When I moved to Chicago the first time, because I was still rather shy and not assertive, Dad decided I needed something to bring me out of my shell and prevent me from being eaten alive by all those big city folks. So, he made me go to a Dale Carnegie course which was a good thing for me. Those were the type of things he did that indicated he might actually care for me. They didn’t happen very often.

When I went back to college and got my 2 master’s degrees Dad gave a party for my graduation and even told me he was proud of me. It was the first time I ever remember hearing him say that. I didn’t believe him.

He married twice after my mother. The first stepmother – the secretary with whom he had cheated - gave new definition to the term wicked . Unfortunately, she lasted 10 miserable years. She left for another man whom she thought had money. She had big plans for him. I heard he dumped her. Karma!

My second stepmother was wonderful and took good care of Dad. He still wasn’t interested in his girls, but since my sisters insisted, she encouraged him to get to know his grandkids. Since I didn’t have any kids, there wasn’t much reason for him to see me. They lived in Florida for the last 15 or so years of his life. In all that time, I was invited there once and it was a command appearance. It was his 75th birthday party and I was told to come, given accommodations and plane fare and then summarily dismissed when the big party with all his rich friends was over.

I dutifully sent Father’s Day cards, birthday cards and Christmas cards and he dutifully sent cards and money on birthdays and Christmas. Occasionally we talked on the phone but there was never much to say so we talked about my 2 sisters and their kids. It was really the only thing we had in common.

He died July 19, 2000. I cried briefly but more because all hope of ever having a warm happy relationship with my father was gone forever than because I was truly sad he was dead. His picture sits on my mantle, but it doesn’t evoke any strong emotions.

The ironic thing is – I look just like him.

The light at the end of the tunnel

2008-06-11T17:53:00.001-07:00

I see it! It's faint, but getting brighter every day. Stamina and energy are returning slowly and my naps have been reduced to 1 or 2 per day. It's a good thing I didn't realize how debilitating this surgery would be because I might have postponed it and tried Voodoo or something.

However, it's over and my recovery is well under way. I learned:

I'm a horrible, impatient patient.
My hearing is selective (i.e., Dr. says, you can probably return to work part time after about 10 days." I hear, "You'll be working full time in a week.)
I'm a total optimist, except when I don't feel good and turn into a grouchy pessimist.
I hate being incapacitated in any way.
I'm going to start eating really well and exercising lots and get really healthy so my senior years won't be spent alienating all my friends with my crappy attitude.

Sorry I haven't been around blogland lately, but napping, sleeping, drugs and work have required all my energy. However, I'm going to start rectifying that tomorrow by visiting all your blogs and saying hi. Just hi for now. Since I'm so far behind, catching up is going to take a while, so please be patient with me. If you're really good, I'll post a picture of my uber attractive scar!

Hugs!
AW

Book Review - "Queen of the Road" by Doreen Orion

2008-06-09T10:48:00.000-07:00

“Soon I couldn’t take it anymore and rather dramatically announced I was going to the back of the bus to kill myself. As always, Tim brought me back to earth. This time with the observation, “So I guess you’ll be in the bathroom, trying to slit your wrists with your electric razor?””

Considering how different Doreen Orion and her husband Tim Justice are, the fact that they are both psychiatrists and able to analyze each other may have prevented a journey to divorce court. Tim being one of the world’s most patient men probably helped too.

She, the princess from the Island of Long who is happy to stay in her pajamas and work from her bedroom all day, is a martini drinking shoe addict. He is an easygoing, beer-loving outdoorsman, dedicated to his patients and practice. When he finally convinces her to take a year off and wander around the country in a 340 SF bus, everyone is stunned – including Doreen.

This isn’t just any old bus. It’s a converted Prevost (the kind rock stars use) with a hand blown glass sink in the bathroom, rare granite countertops, cherry cabinets, stainless steel tiles, full refrigerator, dishwasher, washer/dryer combo, a custom appliqué ceiling, merino wool window coverings, and every electronic device known to man. It’s furnished and equipped better than my house!

The shakedown trip almost does her in, but somehow he convinces her to only take 100 of her favorite pairs of shoes and head out on a journey that will cover 22,000 miles and 47 states.

Each chapter of the book starts with a new cocktail she has invented to reflect her mood on that particular leg of the journey. Here are a couple of my favorites:

Hurlatini
1 part rum
2 parts Midori
1 splash pineapple juice
1 splash sweet ‘n Sour
1 white-knuckled squeeze of lime
Pound martini shaker against emergency exit until window breaks or ingredients sufficiently mixed for tasty self-medication.

Love Me Bender
2 parts passion fruit liqueur
2 parts champagne
1 part raspberry liqueur
Rest shaker on hip, gyrate, drink. If you can still recall the love of your life is making you live on a bus, repeat.

It’s a wonderful book filled with humor, love and transformation. By the end of the journey, they still love each other, both have mellowed, and Doreen finds she can do without many of life’s “necessities” when she realizes she only wore 6 of the 100 pairs of shoes.

“Queen of the Road” is a fun, easy read, appropriate for both sexes. I highly recommend it.

Health update

2008-06-02T13:53:00.000-07:00

Thank you to everyone who has e-mailed and commented asking about my health. I am well on the road to recovery, but it's a steeper road than usual. Normally, recovery is a quick process for me. This time it seems to be taking forever. My strength is finally returning along with my appetite, but soft foods still go down best because of the swelling in my throat. Stamina is an issue and the desire to nap several times a day is beginning to subside. Headaches, numbness and random pains plague me, but at least they aren't the same or as intense as before the surgery.

Forgive the irregular blogging and know that your thoughts and jokes have helped tremendously. I hope to be shoe shopping again soon!

My sentiments exactly

2008-05-27T09:13:00.001-07:00

Ello asked me to mention the following and I'm happy to do so:

"Dr. Gigi Durham, the author of the Lolita Effect, the media sexualization of young girls and what we can do about it, is guest appearing on my blog this coming WEdnesday to answer questions on this very important topic. It would be wonderful if you could help spread the word or at the very least stop by and be part of our Q&A discussions."

Another reason being old can suck

2008-05-26T10:30:00.000-07:00

If I'd had this surgery 20 years ago, I'd be doing cartwheels and climbing Mt. Rainier by now. My body always recovered quickly - until now!

So today, instead of taking advantage of all the sales and buying more shoes so Doreen, Polly and Robin don't overtake me, mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, enjoying all the Memorial Day activities and getting on with life.......

I'm wrapped up like an Eskimo on the chaise lounge, eating toast, Campbell's regular chicken noodle soup, tea, juice, bananas and water, popping pain pills because every time I try to wean myself from them the pain returns, wearing an incredibly uncomfortable ugly white collar, wearing even uglier anti-embolism stockings and feeling sorry for my pitiful self.

What a woos!

There is some good news. I took a shower this morning - being extremely careful not to get soap on my neck - and even washed my hair. Do you know how hard it is to wash your hair when you can't bend your neck or get soap on it? Let's just say an hour's nap was required after that. I also washed the protective covering on my collar and the lovely socks. They may not be comfortable, but they're clean.

Belle has been pouting for days. Every time I open the door to let her out to poo, she gets so excited because she thinks we're going for a walk. Major disappointment = major pouting!

Anyway, I could use some cheering up. Jokes, stories - hit me with your best shots! Please!

Recovering

2008-05-22T14:39:00.000-07:00

Still a little loopy from the anesthesia, but definitely better. No more pain in my shoulder and head. Lots of baby sitters taking good care of me. Good drugs. Appetite returning. Can't take a bath until the 24th (baby sitters will probably start deserting me pretty soon). Get to wear lovely anti-embolism stockings for next few days. Try not to be too jealous of the lovely collar.

Thanks for all the good thoughts. Much appreciated!

Thanks, Miss Snark

2008-05-19T17:15:00.000-07:00

(This is early, but my surgery is at 0Dark:30 in the morning and hopefully the drugs will be good enough to keep me hallucinating all day. No way I could miss the opportunity to pay tribute to the great one!)

Miss Snark was my hero.

Her cluegun delivered stinging blows to stupidity. Her stilettos left punctured egos in the dust. Her kitchen sink had three faucets – hot, cold and gin. Clooney was her boy toy. Killer Yapp and Grandmother Snark provided aid in her distress – and vice versa.

Unless she was responding to a total nitwit, her advice was always straightforward. She gave us the facts – nothing but the facts. She didn’t sugar coat the publishing business. She presented it realistically and gave us the good and the bad. We gasped when she set her hair on fire – a sure sign another ultimate nitwit had appeared in her inbox.

Her Snarklings were addicted to her. Any recognition from her – positive or negative – could send us jumping for joy or down to the Nitwit Lounge to drown our sorrows. We trusted her advice and opinions and had complete faith in the wisdom she imparted. Had she advised sprinkling glitter on themselves and running down Broadway naked to guarantee being pubilshed, some of them probably would have. Running is not my thing.

For Belle and the late Rosie, Killer Yapp was the Clooney of canines. They would have done anything for him. Squirrels – we don’t want no stinking squirrels!

This blog started because I thought you had to have a one to respond to Miss Snark. After lurking on her site for months I dared ask a question. Her response was honest and informative. I was a nitwit, but she was gentle with me.

I entered her Ides of March contest and was thrilled to receive the "Best Suck-Up" award. The fact that she didn’t delete my entry was a triumph! That she recognized my ability to kiss ass was breathtaking

May 20, 2007 was a day of mourning in publishing blogland. From the day she announced her retirement until that final day, I was depressed. Like so many others, I prayed she would reconsider. But she was determined and exited gracefully leaving broken hearted Snarklings soaking in their gin.

Normally one year completes an official mourning cycle, but my heart is still heavy and the hope for her return refuses to dim. Thanks to Miss Snark, I had the opportunity to "meet" people in many different countries and made some wonderful new friends. She was and still is the greatest.

I miss you Miss Snark and Killer Yapp! Thank you for everything you did for us.

Please come back!

PS. Please keep me in your thoughts today. Keep repeating, “Sober, steady-handed surgeon!”

The Great Shoe Off

2008-05-17T19:51:00.000-07:00

My love for shoes has not gone unnoticed. Apparently I'm not the only shoewhore in the blogging universe. Doreen Orion, Polly Kahl, and Robin Altman are having a Shoe Off. They each believe their shoes are the best and most stylish. They've seen my shoe posts and believe I'm an easy mark. They throw around names like Prada - starts with P like pooh!

Fie on them! I searched through my vast shoe collection and pulled a few meager entries for the shoe off.

You've met Vivian before. Red, comfortable and sexy. Did I say red? Sofft Shoe.
Don't know the name so we'll just call them black and hot! Alfani!
Sexy, silver sandals. And they're comfortable. Believe it or not - Naturalizers.

This pair makes everyone take notice. Nice straw look with a cute little flower. One of the least comfortable pair I've ever worn - but very sexy! What's a little pain? Lifestyle.
My newest babies - Charis. Comfortable, lightweight and yummy. Sofft.
Yes, I know we're only supposed to do 5 pairs, but I have so many great shoes it seemed only appropriate to throw in one more. Unnamed, comfortable, stylish. Ann Klein.

Take that, Doreen, Robin and Polly! Anyone out there brave enough to challenge me?

Shoes, Glorious Shoes!

2008-05-14T10:33:00.000-07:00

First, let me apologize for not being active in blogland lately. With my upcoming surgery, there seems to be a never-ending stream of last minute details to which I must attend.

In March I posted about my new shoes and the epiphany they inspired. Despite how my posts may sometimes sound, I’m a humble person and grateful for everything. It took lots of hard work and determination to get here, but my life is very good – great job, wonderful friends, comfortable home, sweet dog, no debt.

I’m a lucky woman, but not in a winning the lottery way. My blessings have come through hard work and perseverance. I’m used to fulfilling my own needs, not having others help me. All my donations are done anonymously and I don’t expect thanks or anything else in return. I’m the giver, not the receiver.

The post about my favorite brand of shoes was done to express gratitude for all the good in my life. Imagine my surprise when an e-mail arrived from Katie, the Director of Media Relations at Sofft Shoes thanking me for the post and for being a loyal customer. Even more surprising was her offer of a free pair of shoes.

I was stunned and thrilled by the offer. How incredibly generous of them. I searched their website and found several potential additions to my shoe wardrobe, then went out to some local stores to try them on for size. One pair followed me home. To assist in the decision, I requested my fellow bloggers’ opinions and gave three lovely choices.

Decision made. E-mail sent to Katie. A week later the new pair arrived. Meet Charis!

Isn’t she adorable? The color is sun bronze.

Her new Sofft shoe mates were somewhat wary of her at first? She’s pretty racy compared to the rest of them.

After checking her out thoroughly, they had her pose at the front of the group before making a decision.

Belle offered her opinion, then promptly fell asleep.

In the end, she won them over and is now part of the Sofft shoe crowd in my cluttered closet.

Thank you to Katie and everyone at Sofft shoes, not only for making wonderful, comfortable and stylish shoes, but for your incredible generosity. I really appreciate this!

I’m a very lucky woman!

My Town Monday - Seattle - Space Needle

2008-05-11T16:16:00.000-07:00

The Space Needle is a major landmark of the Pacific Northwest and a symbol of Seattle. Located at the Seattle Center, it was built for the 1962 World's Fair, during which time nearly 20,000 people a day used the elevators, with over 2.3 million visitors in all for the World Fair.

The Space Needle is 605 feet high and 138 feet wide at its widest point and weighs 9,550 tons. When it was completed it was the tallest structure west of the Mississippi River. It is built to withstand winds of up to 200 mph and earthquakes up to 9.5 magnitude and has 25 lightning rods on the roof to prevent lightning damage.

Edward E. Carlson, chairman of the 1962 World's Fair in Seattle, originally had an idea for erecting a tower with a restaurant at the top as part of the World's Fair celebration. Carlson was then president of a hotel company and not previously known for art or design, but he was inspired by a recent visit to the Stuttgart Tower of Germany.

John Graham, a noted architect became involved in the planning and design. Graham's first move was to make the restaurant featured in the plans revolve, in the same manner as a tower he had previously designed for the Ala Moana shopping center in Honolulu.

The proposed Space Needle had no land on which to be built. Since it was not financed by the city, land had to be purchased that was within the fairgrounds. It was thought there would be no land available to build a tower and the search was nearly dead when in 1961, a 120 foot by 120 foot plot that contained switching equipment for the fire and police alarm systems was discovered and sold to the investors for $75,000. At this point, only one year remained before the World's Fair would begin.

It was privately built and financed by the "Pentagram Corporation" which consisted of Bagley Wright, contractor Howard S. Wright, architect John Graham, Ned Skinner, and Norton Clapp. In 1977 Bagley, Skinner and Clapp sold their interest to Howard Wright who now controls it under the name of Space Needle Corporation.

The earthquake stability of the Space Needle was ensured when a hole was dug 30 feet deep and 120 feet across. An army of cement trucks (467 in all) took one full day to fill it up. In fact, the foundation alone weighs almost 6,000 tons and there are 250 tons of reinforcing steel in the base. With this concrete base weighing the same as the above-ground structure, the Needle's center of gravity is just 5 feet above ground level. The entire structure is bolted to the foundation with 72 bolts, each bolt being 30 feet long.

The construction team worked around the clock. The top dome housing the top five levels (including the restaurants and observation deck) was perfectly balanced so that the restaurant could rotate with the help of one tiny electric motor, originally 1 hp but later replaced with a 1.5 hp motor. With fresh paint of such names as Orbital Olive for the body, Astronaut White for the legs, Re-entry Red for the saucer, and Galaxy Gold for the roof, the Space Needle was finished in less than one year. It was completed in April 1962 at a cost of $4.5 million; the last elevator car was installed the day before the Fair opened on April 21.

In 1974, author Stephen Cosgrove's children's book Wheedle on the Needle postulated a furry creature called a Wheedle who lived on top of the Space Needle and caused its light to flash. Its closing quatrain is: There's a Wheedle on the Needle/I know just what you're thinking/But if you look up late at night/You'll see his red nose blinking. The Wheedle had since become a fixture of Seattle, becoming for a time the mascot of the Seattle Supersonics.

In 1982, the SkyLine level was added at a height of 100 ft. While this level had been depicted in the original plans for the Space Needle, it was not built until this time. Today, the SkyLine Banquet Facility can accommodate groups of 20–360 people.

A panoramic view of the Space Needle, Downtown Seattle, Qwest Field, and Safeco Field.Renovations were completed in 2000 that cost nearly five times the original price ($21 million). Renovations between 1999 and 2000 included the SkyCity restaurant, SpaceBase retail store, Skybeam installation, Observation Deck overhaul, lighting additions, and of course, new coats of paint all over.

On May 19, 2007, the Space Needle welcomed its 45 millionth visitor. The guest, Greg Novoa of San Francisco, received a free trip for two to Paris which included a VIP dinner at the Eiffel Tower.

Every year on New Year's Eve, the Space Needle celebrates with a fireworks show at midnight that is synchronized to music.

My Town Monday is the brilliant idea of Travis Erwin. Please visit his blog for links to others participating in this fun exercise.

Difficult decisions

2008-05-07T21:09:00.000-07:00

I was gone most of Monday and Tuesday – over in Eastern Washington for a cult meeting. I spent 7 hours in the car on Monday and 3 on Tuesday. Yes, I’m crazy!

I’ve had neck problems for a long time. Four years ago my regular doc referred me to an ortho specialist. After an MRI detailed the problem, he put me through 2 extensive rounds of physical therapy. Didn’t work.

Then we tried steroid shots in my spine. Worked fine for about 5 months. Then the pain came back even worse.

Another MRI last month revealed the problem is worse. The bone spurs are pressing on the nerve and causing major pain on my left side – just my left side. My right side is young and happy and having a great time. My left side is old and miserable and in agony. It’s the newest version of schizophrenia.

So I had another steroid shot in my spine about 2 weeks ago. It provided minor relief for a while. The drive to Eastern Washington clarified the need to find a more permanent solution. Today I called and scheduled surgery for May 20th. I figured since I would already be sad and in mourning because it’s the one year anniversary of our beloved Miss Snark going dark, being totally drugged might help get me through the day without too much trauma.

I will miss the party honoring Miss Snark at Pat Wood’s blog. I have to be at the hospital at 5:45 a.m. and since Pat, and most other normal people, will still be asleep then, I won’t be able to post and party with you all. However, I’ll try to post a tribute to the Queen of Snark before they take me away.

Yes, I’m concerned. They do the operation through the front of my neck. Do you know how much important stuff is located in your neck? But the pain outweighs the concern. I’ll try not to mention it again until it’s over. Don’t want to bore you with it. But I’m asking all my blogging buddies to think positive thoughts for me.

Hugs!

Things I've Learned - Lesson 2

2008-05-04T12:25:00.000-07:00

It's often better to be happy than to be right.

When I first moved to Seattle, I was an emotional mess. Abandonment issues from my childhood caused me to live in a hard-shelled cocoon of self-preservation. I wanted to love and trust people, but didn’t know how and so was self-sufficient in the extreme. Knowing it wasn’t healthy to be like that – master’s degree in psychology – I decided to seek help. However, since no one was trustworthy, finding an alternate way to healing was critical.

During my first year in Seattle, I found a non-denominational new-age church. It was small, in an intimate setting and suited me very well. Some people at the church decided to start a Course in Miracles study group, and I was delighted. We met every Saturday morning.

In case you are unfamiliar, The Course is divided into three sections: the “Text,” the “Workbook for Students,” and the “Manual for Teachers.” At the advice of our original group leader, we started by reading from the “Text” and then closed every session with one lesson from the “Workbook.” By the time we got to the “Manual for Teachers” we realized it was probably where we should have started, because according to The Course, everyone is a teacher and that section was the most basic and easiest to understand.

Over time, we went through The Course from cover to cover several times – all 1,108 pages of it - not including indexes. The first time through, it was like walking through a maze. We’d round a corner and see what looked like an exit only to find a dead end which propelled us back into the labyrinth. We talked for hours about what it meant, reading one heading and sometimes one paragraph per session in our attempt to decipher it. It was confounding and confusing and frustrating.

There were times I walked away from our meetings thinking I would never break through the complicated language to find meaning from the words. But slowly over time it started to make sense. It was through our own united willpower and desire that we were finally able to break through.

I learned it’s more important to be happy than to be right. I never thought about how detrimental my stubbornness was to my happiness, and how hurtful it could be to others. Sometimes the things, about which I most needed to be right, were not very important in the general scheme of things. Simple things like how to arrange your kitchen cabinets didn’t really matter. I had to let them go.

I learned that the world is filled with love and happiness and we will find what we are looking for when we know what we want. This was a difficult concept for me because, since my early childhood, I’d never known real love and happiness. I had no idea of what I really wanted and how it was supposed to look and feel. There was no role model to go by. There was no list and no rules to guide me. Figuring out what I wanted was a seemingly impossible task.

I learned every person we meet is a mere reflection of ourselves. We can learn something from them all, and the briefest encounters or the longest relationships provide opportunities for us to grow. Since I didn’t particularly like a lot of the people I met, it was painful to think they were personal reflections. The most irritating part was, many of the people I disliked kept hanging around. When I finally realized the only way to make them go away was to actually learn the lesson they were here to teach, they gradually started disappearing.

I learned everything that happens is either from love or from a call for love. All the negative feelings - anger, fear, hatred, envy, etc, - are just a call for love. We can see things differently just by looking at situations and people with unprejudiced eyes. Instead of reacting to the negative feelings with more negativity, if I looked at them as a cry for help from that person, it was easier to tap into the love inside myself and return love to them.

Applying these lessons isn’t always easy, but over time it’s become deep-rooted in me and it’s more natural now to react from love.

Sometimes being perfect is really, really hard work!

Cool author's week.

2008-05-03T09:26:00.000-07:00

Our friend and blogging buddy, Christine Eldin has a week of contests, prizes and fun happening next week. Be sure to stop by and join in.

A week of contests, prizes, fun!!!! And don't forget hobnobbing with famous authors!!!!

Festivities will kick off on Saturday May 3 with an Oldies but Goodies Contest.

Who are the Oldies but Goodies, you ask. Well, they are just the swellest group of authors who first supported my idea of "Author's Week." To thank them for their encouragement, I will be hosting a weekend contest based on some personal information I was able to dig up. And I will be giving away cool prizes from Dubai. Josephine wants a camel. I'll see what I can do.

The Oldies but Goodies authors are listed below. They might pop in. But really it's about thanking them for their generosity in the past.
Elaine Alexander DEATH AT DEACON POND
Mary Cunningham CURSE OF THE BAYOU
Evil Editor NOVEL DEVIATIONS
Edna Cabcabin Moran THE SLEEPING GIANT
John Elder Robison LOOK ME IN THE EYE
Patricia Wood LOTTERY
******************************************

Author's Week!!!!! May 5 - May 9
May 5 - May 9 will feature the following authors giving away books and making appearances on my blog. Come chat, make jokes, win prizes!!! Every day, 9am - 9pm eastern U.S. time.
Monday, May 5: Charles Allen Gramlich “Swords of Talera”http://charlesgramlich.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, May 6: Holly Kennedy "The Silver Compass"http://author-in-the-trenches.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, May 7: Daniel Tomasulo "Confessions of a Former Child"http://www.formerchild.com/
Thursday, May 8: Sandra Cormier "The Space Between"http://chumpletwrites.blogspot.com/
Friday, May 9: Stacia Kane "Personal Demons"http://decemberquinn.blogspot.com/

Things I've Learned - Lesson 1

2008-04-30T13:36:00.000-07:00

In 163 days - 5 months and 10 days - I will celebrate my 60th birthday - and I do mean CELEBRATE. I am a very lucky person and have a rich full life. This wasn't always the case. It took years of experience and hard learned lessons to reach this state of bliss. So, I thought I would start sharing some of the things I've learned with you.

Lesson 1 - You Can Change

The majority of people in this world have everything in common. We have two arms, two legs, two eyes, one nose, ten fingers, and ten toes on two feet and we all poop and pee. We have basic needs – food, water, shelter and air. If you put all of us in one spot naked with no make-up or any other accessories, aside from differences in body mass, varying shades of flesh color, and the size of different body parts we would be similar. If no one had money, prestige, fame or any other symbol of wealth and power, we would be equal.

That’s how we start and that’s how we end. What we do in between defines us as individuals. What keeps the playing field from being level is not what we are but what happens once we arrive in this world – it’s who we are.

Children born in abject poverty have different experiences from those born to wealth. Children born in countries where there is war and upheaval have different experiences from those born in politically and economically stable countries. Children born into loving, happy and nurturing families have different experiences from those born into angry, unhappy and neglectful families. Children born into love have different experiences than those born into fear.

As children we’re at the mercy of our environment. We don’t know better yet. We haven’t developed the skills and instincts to move us beyond our circumstances. We rely on adults to set an example for us and show us the way. We trust them to teach us how to successfully navigate the road of life. Our choices later in life can be permanently affected by the actions of those into whose charge we have been placed.

While we’re children and still trying to develop our skills and instincts, we have every right to blame those on whom we’re relying for help if they don’t provide it. We have every right to call them to task for not fulfilling their responsibilities or for not finding someone else who could discharge those responsibilities and help us realize our potential.

When we become adults and start taking responsibility for ourselves, live on our own, make our own money, and create our own reality and families, the time for blame and finger pointing has ended. Once we enter the world on our own or with our mates we have choices. We can choose to be perpetual victims – to wallow in our shame, sorrow and issues, live in turmoil, repeat the past and create bleak and unsatisfying lives for ourselves and those around us. We can act as if someone is pointing a gun towards our head and forcing us to be miserable. We can be willing participants in our own despair. But we don’t have to.

If the news media covered positive and enlightening stories, every day you could read about those who have decided not to be victims of their circumstances. You could hear and read about people rising above their situations and creating their own success. You would learn of the courage and fortitude of some amazing people who overcame what seemed to be insurmountable odds. These are people who made their own happiness and refused to allow their past or their circumstances to prevent them from achieving their goals.

The point is, once we’re adults we’re no longer victims of our circumstances and environment. We’re victims of our own thoughts and actions – or lack of actions. We’re as good or as bad as we think we are. We’re as happy or as miserable as we believe. We’re a success or a failure depending on our own perception of success.

I’ve read countless books and articles on abandonment issues, intimacy issues, emotional abuse, addiction and whatever else you want to blame your life on. To some extent, they all fit the way I lived my life. I can see myself in every scenario. I was a victim of my circumstances because I chose to be. Choosing to be a victim was extremely painful. When the pain became unbearable I took the steps necessary to find another way - to choose again.

I learned life is a series of choices. Unhappiness and misery are a choice and that’s the choice I made for years. I deserve all the misery I experienced because I chose it. I also deserve all the good and happiness because that was also my choice. I no longer feel sorry for people who have the intellectual capacity but aren’t being proactive in their own situations. I can certainly empathize with them but I don’t sympathize with them.

I could say I wish I’d chosen a different path when I first left home but that would be bullshit. I have no regrets. I did what I did. I am who I am. What I did has made me who I am and I think I’m a good person who is worth knowing – issues and all.

Sometimes we just need a kick in the pants to get us started on the right path. When I was at my lowest point, I called an old friend for sympathy. For a while she listened to my litany of excuses for being miserable, and then she interrupted me and said, “If you’re so unhappy, do something about it. You can change."

My Town Monday - Seattle, WA

2008-04-28T09:35:00.000-07:00

Early history of Seattle

What is now Seattle has been inhabited since the end of the last glacial period (c. 8,000 B.C.—10,000 years ago). Archaeological excavations at West Point in Discovery Park, Magnolia, confirm that the Seattle area has been inhabited by humans definitively for at least 4,000 years. Tohl-AHL-too ("herring house") and later hah-AH-poos ("where there are horse clams") at the mouth of the Duwamish River in what is now the Industrial District has been inhabited since the 6th century BC. By the time the first European settlers arrived in the area, the Dkhw'Duw'Absh and Xachua'Bsh people (now called the Duwamish Tribe) occupied at least seventeen villages in the areas around Elliott Bay.

The first Europeans to attempt settlement in the area were the Collins Party, who filed legal claim to land at the mouth of the Duwamish River on September 14, 1851. Thirteen days later, members of the Collins Party were on the way to their claim when they passed the scouts of the group of settlers that would eventually found Seattle, the Denny Party. The scouts for the Denny Party, Terry Lee, David Denny, and John Low, would lay claim to land on Alki Point on September 28, 1851, with Terry Low returning to Portland, Oregon carrying a message from David Denny telling his brother, Arthur Denny, to "Come at once." Following the instructions of David Denny, the rest of the Denny Party set sail from Portland and landed on Alki during a rainstorm on November 13, 1851. The landing party's first sight of their new homestead was the roofless cabin that David had been unable to complete because of a fever.

After spending a winter of frequent rainstorms and high winds on Alki Point, most of the Denny Party moved across Elliott Bay and settled on land where present day Pioneer Square is located and established the village of "Dewamps" or "Duwamps." The only members of the party that did not migrate to the eastern shore of Elliott Bay were Charles Terry and John Low, who remained at the original landing location and established a village they initially called "New York," after Terry's hometown, until April 1853 when they renamed it "Alki," a Chinook word meaning, roughly, by and by or someday. The villages of New York-Alki and Duwamps would compete for dominance in the area for the next few years, but in time Alki was abandoned and its residents moved across the bay to join the rest of the settlers.

When Henry Yesler brought the first steam sawmill to the region, he chose a location on the waterfront where Maynard and Denny's plats met. Thereafter Seattle would dominate the lumber industry.

Henry Yesler's house in the 1870's. Notice the elevated water pipes.

Seattle in its early decades relied on the timber industry, shipping logs (and, later, milled timber) to San Francisco. A climax forest of trees up to 1,000–2,000 years old and towering as high as nearly 400 ft (100 m) covered much of what is now Seattle. Today, none of that size remain anywhere in the world.

The logging town developed rapidly over decades into a small city. Despite being officially founded by the Methodists of the Denny Party, Seattle quickly developed a reputation as a wide-open town, a haven for prostitution, liquor, and gambling. Some attribute this, at least in part, to Maynard.

When Charlie Terry sold out Alki (which, after his departure barely held on as a settlement), he moved to Seattle and began acquiring land. He either owned or partially owned Seattle's first timber ships. He eventually gave a land grant to the University of the Territory of Washington (later University of Washington), and was instrumental in the politics to establish an urban infrastructure.

Real estate records show that nearly all of the city's first 60 businesses were on, or immediately adjacent to, Maynard's plat.

All of this occurred against a background of sometimes rocky relations with the local Native American population, including a nominally pitched battle January 25, 1856.

David Swinson ("Doc") Maynard, one of the village's founders, was the primary advocate for renaming the village to "Seattle" after Chief Sealth (si'áb Si'ahl) of the Duwamish and Suquamish tribes. Doc Maynard's advocacy bore fruit, because when the first plats for village were filed on May 23, 1853, it was for the Town of Seattle. In 1855, nominal legal land settlements were established. Seattle was incorporated as a town 14 January 1865. That charter was voided 18 January 1867, in response to unrest. Seattle was re-incorporated 2 December 1869. At the times of incorporations, the population was approximately 350 and 1,000, respectively.

Chief Sealth

My Town Monday is the brilliant idea of Travis Erwin. Please visit his blog for links to others who participate in this fun exercise.

Sole searching advice

2008-04-22T19:04:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen – I need your assistance.

Okay. So this probably isn’t what you first thought when you read the title, but I did spell it correctly. I’m getting another pair of my fabulous Sofft shoes. I blogged before about my adoration of this brand of shoes and my nine pairs.

Not long after that I received the offer for a new pair. Call it a loyal customer reward. All I have to do is pick out a pair and let them know my choice. This may sound easy to most of you, but I’m a Libra and I tend to agonize over the stupidest things. Here I am – a woman in shoe heaven. I can choose any pair I want. Aaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhh!!!!

I went to their wonderful website to try to narrow down my choices and found several candidates to join my shoe world. However, I have slightly strange feet in that my right one is a 10 and my left one is a 9.5. Normally I buy for the right foot and do sneaky shoe tricks to make the left one fit right. However, 2 of the pairs I selected fall into the sandal category and my tricks would thus be exposed. So I ventured off to the local shoe emporiums to do some trying on.

I ended up with several possibilities and another pair of Sofft shoes. Meet my newest addition: Vivian - This handcrafted peep toe sling is versatile enough to wear for business or pleasure.

Yes, I understand I could have requested these as my new pair, but they were having a one day sale and the price was great plus I had a $20 off store reward coupon. How could I resist? I couldn’t and I didn’t! Quit lecturing me!

Here’s where you all come in. I have narrowed it down to 3 pairs and love them all, so I’m asking you to help me choose by voting for your favorite. Men, please join in. Your opinions are important too. Here are the candidates:

Charis (light gold) - Elegance and grace weave together on this charming kitten heel.

Lydia (copper multi)- This interwoven, braided sling unites a unique blend of extravagance and modesty.

Serena (deep purple) - With its delicate floral detail and patent trim, this pump can be worn to any special occasion.

Vote early and vote often. I want to send in my choice this weekend before they decide I’m some kind of deranged old bag lady and withdraw their offer.

Thanks!

My Town Monday – Mt. Vernon, WA

2008-04-20T11:32:00.000-07:00

Note: This isn’t really my town. It’s about an hour north.

Hanging out with the old people

There are many of you out there who would argue that I am an old person since my 60th birthday is fast approaching. However, the people in our group on Friday made me look young. The average age was in the low 80’s. Some looked and acted it, but others gave me hope for the future.

It turned out to be a wonderful day. When my co-workers picked me up it was raining so hard we could barely see the road. But this is Western Washington and, as we say, if you don’t like the weather either wait 5 minutes or go 5 miles. By the time we were about 20 miles north of my house, there was no more rain and the roads were dry. It was chilly – in the 40’s – and windy, but we had cloudy blue skies and sunbreaks for the rest of the day. By the afternoon it was almost pleasant outside.
This was the 25th year for the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival. We concentrated on the 2 largest tulip companies – Roozengarde and Tulip Town. Their fields and gardens are spectacular when the flowers are blooming and they were out in force on Friday. For those who aren’t traveling with 100 seniors, there’s also a wonderful street fair through the center of Mt. Vernon, WA and lots of wonderful places to eat. It runs from April 1st through April 30th each year and is absolutely worth a visit is you’re in the area then.

Everyone had a good time with a few exceptions and those people would probably hate DisneyWorld. Total blasphemy! The tulip fields were beautiful and the salmon barbeque lunch was delicious. The cakes were a big hit, but next time I’m only taking one flavor. No more choices!

We left absolutely exhausted. You try corralling 100 senior citizens – many with walkers and canes – through 2 tulip fields and a lunch. Those little doggies have minds of their own!

About 20 miles north of my house, it started raining. Five miles further south it turned to snow. SNOW IN APRIL in Western Washington. That’s like a sacrilege. It snowed all night and this is what it looked like out my downstairs front window on Saturday morning.

Fortunately, this is Western Washington. This is that same view Sunday morning.

Anyway, if you tuned in just to see what life was like in college in the 60’s you’ll have to come back another time. I promise to post about that – when I’m in the mood. I'm old you know!

A huge thank you to Travis Erwin who inspired us to participate in My Town Mondays.

Attitude

2008-04-18T08:17:00.000-07:00

This may shock you, but it’s raining and in the 40’s here in the Seattle area today. They’re expecting another 8 inches or so of snow in the mountains. So guess where I’m going? To the tulip fields with about 100 senior citizens!

The company I work for owns 46 retirement communities – many of them in the Puget Sound area. One of my many “other duties as assigned” is to help arrange outings for our residents. Planning for this event began several months ago and the money was paid, so we’re going.

I’m not alone with all these wonderful seniors. There’ll be about 20 staff members with me. Since I work in the corporate office, they don’t trust me alone with their residents and I don’t blame them. I would try my best to corrupt them.

When I woke up and looked out at the gray, rainy day, I was depressed. All the planning and organizing down the drain. Then I said, “To hell with this attitude! We’re going and we’ll have a great time.”

I have 3 cakes in the back of my car, the people at the salmon barbeque are expecting us for lunch, one of the tulip fields has a large covered area and we’ll slog through this with a smile.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to spend the day out of the office with our residents. They deserve my best and that’s what they’ll get today. I may have pneumonia tomorrow, but today my attitude will be great!

No matter what you do, YOUR attitude determines how it affects you.

Answers to Demon's and Bookfraud's questions

2008-04-16T13:08:00.000-07:00

Demon said:
AW, I love the Minnie pic! :*) Hmmm, question. What genre(s) do you write in? Why? What do you do for fun?

Bookfraud said:
being interrupted is my major A-No. 1 pet peeve. it drives me batty. all i do is stew in anger when it happens, so my question to you is: what is a snappy reply to someone who constantly interrupts me?

Demon,

I’m in the cozy mystery category because that’s what I love to read the most. Since I was a kid, it’s always been my favorite genre.

For fun, play with my friends, garden, read, shop – just about anything that strikes my fancy. I’m pretty easy to amuse.

Bookfraud,

I’m not patient with rude people. I tend to glare at them until they’re finished interrupting me then say something like, “Do you think you could let me finish my thought before you interrupt me again?” or, “Now that we know your thoughts, do you mind if I finish telling you mine?” You’d be amazed at how many people don’t get it.

Anyone else have better comebacks? We’d all love to know what to say to these a@%holes.

Any other questions?

Answers to more of Precie's Questions

2008-04-16T08:35:00.000-07:00

Precie Said:

Follow-up Qs:

1) Favorite Christmas ornament and why?

2) Favorite Disney ride? And have you been to DW to ride Mission: Space and/or Soarin' and/or Test Track?

3) Favorite Disney film?

4) Favorite Disney character?

5) What was that about a cult?

6) What are your biggest pet peeves?

Thanks for answering my previous questions. For some reason, I'm in an inquisitive mood lately. :)

1. Favorite Christmas ornament? Yikes! This is really tough. I could probably narrow it down to 25 - maybe. Some of them aren’t that pretty, but they have lots of meaning.

This is an interesting experiment. I may have to pull them all out again and see if I can find an absolute favorite.

2. Favorite Disney ride? A toss up between Space Mountain and Big Thunder Mountain. I don’t like the big roller coasters, but those small ones are great.

I tried Mission:Space once. I got in the car, they shut the door, the capsule narrowed and I started pounding on the door screaming for them to let me out. Seriously! I’m claustrophobic. The a#%hole attendant finally came and let me out and yelled at me for trying to ruin their millions of dollars worth of equipment. Right! Yeah! Like that’s gonna happen with my girlie fists. It was the only time I’ve ever had anyone at Disney be rude to me. But I was so freaked out I just hopped out of the capsule and ran out of the building as fast as possible. Probably won’t be trying that again!

Went on Soarin in December at DW. It was fabulous. Highly recommend it. Never been on Test Track but my Anonymouse Sister probably has. She’s a Disneyholic and lives really close to DW.

3. Favorite Disney movie? Animated – Snow White. Love those 7 little dwarfs. Live action – The Parent Trap – both old and new versions. Hokey but very fun.

4. Favorite Disney character? Can there be any doubt?

5. Cult. What cult? Who said anything about a cult?

6. Biggest pet peeves. People who pop their gum and chew with their mouths open. (Something my mother drilled into me with a laser when I was young.) Second - people who constantly interrupt others when they’re talking and finish other people’s sentences. I don’t have much tolerance for rude people.

Any more questions? Anyone?
I also give excellent advice. Don’t believe me? Just ask me!

Answers to Writerkat's questions

2008-04-15T21:44:00.000-07:00

Writerkat said:
I think 1976 was the year I went to DW for the first time. It was in the middle of a snowstorm on the east coast.
Here's my questions:
1.) What is the knarliest chore you've let go while you write?
2.) What do you suggest to look for in considering an on-line class for writing?
3.) In one sentence, what did you learn about yourself when taking this course?

1. I feel a list coming on! Ironing, dusting, vacuuming, mowing the lawn. I haven’t really given them up so much as postponed them. I did the first 3 last week because of company over the weekend and finally called my gardening service to come and do their semi-annual cleaning next Saturday.

The most needed chore right now is just some additional de-cluttering and reorganizing. Occasionally I have to stop and put everything back in order. It helps my concentration and makes me more productive.

2. If you haven’t taken a fundamentals class – do it. It may be a repeat of many things you know, but it’s a great refresher and helps you refocus. If you’ve taken a fundamentals class, decide where you’re weakest and take that class. If you’re not really weak in any area but just need some additional coaching, take a more focused class on writing in your genre.

Look carefully at your instructor’s resume. The one mistake I made was in taking a class with someone who was teaching several classes at the same time – not just for the group from whom I took the class, but for a couple of other groups too. I really don’t think she had the time to give us the kind of feedback we wanted or needed. When questions were asked, she was sometimes rude (and I don’t mean in a constructive way) and it took her a long time to respond or she didn’t respond at all.

That said, the class was still worth it because of all the additional reading assignments.

3. My idea is good and will work, but it’s not going to happen overnight so I need to be patient and not rush through it.

More questions? Anyone?

Answers to Precie’s Questions

2008-04-15T14:15:00.001-07:00

Precie said:

Ok, remember...you invited us to ask questions...

1) How did your final assignment go?

2) Is your Christmas tree still up? It's too cool.

3) How many times have you been to Disney World (or Disneyland)?

4) Now that the class is done, do you feel you've found a new focus or direction in your fiction writing?

1. I was happy with my final assignment. It was a new first chapter to the book using a different character’s POV. The classmates who critiqued it were very positive. The instructor’s comments made me wonder if she actually read it, but she did have some positive feedback and some useful suggestions of a very general nature.

While I learned a lot during the class, it was mostly from the reading assignments. The instructor provided very little input either in the lecture hall or through the critique process. I would probably take another class through them, but not with this instructor.

2. Regretfully, my tree came down in January and is now resting comfortably in its box beneath the stairs. It’s always a treat when Thanksgiving arrives and the boxes come out of storage. It allows me to relive 40 years of growth in one weekend as the ornaments go up on the tree.

3. DisneyWorld – first time in 1976. 4 or 5 more times since then.
DisneyLand – first time in 1963. At least 10 times since.

4. Interesting question. In a way, yes. It helped clarify the direction I was already heading and proved I have the ability to do it. Finding the time to focus on writing is a challenge. I work full time, am active in my cult, have a house and yard to manage, keep volunteering to help my friends with projects and am just a busy person. However, with the new direction for the manuscript I’m inspired and the ideas are flowing freely for the first time in a while.

Any more questions? Anyone?

Answer to Cyn's question

2008-04-15T11:39:00.000-07:00

Cyn said: I want to know when you began writing and if your parents or friends, etc encouraged it?

Cyn,

I’ve been writing all my life, but nothing publishable. For years my life was so chaotic and unhappy I couldn’t finish anything. I wanted everything to have a happy ending, but since I never had one myself the writing was too hokey and unbelievable.

My family barely knew I existed. The only thing I ever got from them was amazement that I succeeded at anything. Fortunately, I was intelligent and street smart and able to thrive despite their disinterest. As for friends, I’ve always been a loner – never fully trusting anyone. It stems from my childhood. I’m a much better friend now and feel very fortunate to have many wonderful people in my life.

A year and a half ago I sat down and wrote my memoir. It took about a month to come up with 65,000 words. Parts are really good, but it’s not publishable. It was a great way to let go of my past demons and move forward.

Until now, writing has always been a way to release my emotions. That’s one of the reasons I took this class – to find a different focus.

I’ve had more encouragement from this community of bloggers than anyone else and am grateful for the feedback and support.

Any other questions? Anyone?

Brief Hiatus

2008-04-08T10:56:00.000-07:00

The Anti-Wife is taking a short break to finish her final class assignment and clean up the backlog of chores and tasks she has neglected for the last few weeks. Be back to blogging soon.

In the meantime, tell me what you want to know.

Lesson 6 – Revisions

2008-04-03T10:29:00.000-07:00

Our final lesson concerns the revision process which puzzles me because I’m still trying to figure out the fundamentals like setting, character building, characterization, POV, dialogue and plot. Other than that, I think I’ll graduate with honors.

Apparently there are way too many things one needs to consider when entering Revisionville and being ruthless is a necessity. Our reading assignment provides some guidelines for the revision process.

1. Structure
Goal: Develop a clear and compelling plot
What to look for:
1. Scenes that are too passive and dialogue scenes with no tension
2. Scenes that don’t build or are anti-climactic

Basically you’re checking that the plot events are in the correct order and each scene builds towards a satisfying climactic payoff.

2. Texture
Goal: Sharpen descriptive passages to make characters, setting and action more vivid.
What to look for:
1. Too much or too little description
2. Clichéd word choices
3. Too many adjectives or adverbs
4. Research information dumps
5. Background or setting information in wrong place

3. Dialogue
Goal: Elicit character personality through conversation
What to look for:
1. Too many or too few tag lines
2. Tag lines in the wrong place
3. Taglines that contain too much information
4. Information dumps
5. Bland or melodramatic lines

Remove any unnecessary tags. Read it out loud to see if the dialogue sounds natural. Have someone else read it to see if they can distinguish each character’s voice.

4. Editing
Goal: Tighten the pace and continuity
What to look for:
1. Repetition through implication
2. Slow passages

Cut, cut, cut!

5. Blending
Goal: Find and destroy any weaknesses
What to look for:
1. Soft spots
2. Unclear character motivations
3. Actions that seem contrived

Find the problem area and add new scenes or expand old ones to fix anything you’ve missed.

6. Go back to step one and start over again until you’re satisfied.

The final part of our reading assignment is a review of basic grammar and punctuation – 48 pages worth of review. Because this is an important part of writing, I shall summarize these in future posts starting soon with Phrases and Clauses.

Be afraid. Be very afraid!

My Town Monday - College Years

2008-03-31T10:16:00.001-07:00

I spent 7 years in college - 5 as an undergraduate because I quit once, worked for 5 years then went back and had to make up for some lost time, and 2 as a graduate student. I attended Southern Illinois University in Carbondale, Illinois. Here's some general information about Carbondale culled from Wikipedia and other sources.

Carbondale is a city in Southern Illinois in the Midwest United States, is 96 miles (154 km) miles southeast of Saint Louis, Missouri. It is known mainly as the site of the main campus of Southern Illinois University. The city is located in Jackson County, Illinois. As of the 2000 census, the city had a total population of 25,597.

Carbondale was named by founder Daniel Brush, who had aspirations of developing coal mining operations in the region. By the time of the American Civil War, the area had been incorporated as a village. After the war it developed into a center of business and transportation for the region.

On April 29, 1866 one of the first formal Memorial Day observations was held at the city's Woodlawn Cemetery, with local resident General John A. Logan giving the principal address.

Southern Illinois Normal University, a major factor in Carbondale's economy, which later became known as Southern Illinois University (SIU), was founded in Carbondale in 1869. Originally a teachers' college, it now has more than 21,000 students.

The city is in an area of the state known as Little Egypt.

In addition to Southern Illinois University, the city has a variety of unique cultural institutions and enterprises (culture with "both a large and a small C"). In addition to the university's PBS and NPR broadcasting stations (WSIU), Carbondale is home to WDBX Community Radio for Southern Illinois, the Big Muddy Independent Media Center, two daily newspapers – the Southern Illinoisan and the university's Daily Egyptian, two weeklies (the Carbondale Times and the Nightlife) and a bi-weekly (Heartland Women).

In addition to the University Museum the curious can visit the African American Museum or the Science Center. Food shoppers are offered a unique selection that includes a Mexican grocer, two international grocers, the Neighborhood Coop, and a thriving Farmers Market. Theater-goers can see both professional and student produced plays and performances at the university's McLeod and Kleinau Theatres, or attend off-campus productions by The Stage Company. A variety of fine arts are encouraged by the Carbondale Community Arts organization.

Civic action is fomented in the city by Carbondale Conversations for Community Action (the local implementation of Study Circles). Spirituality finds expression in Carbondale in churches of a variety of Christian denominations, as well as a Unitarian Universalist fellowship, two mosques, a Jewish congregation, a Sufi community, a Hindu community, and meetings of the Southern Illinois Pagan Alliance. The Women's Center, in continuous service since its founding in 1972, was one of the first domestic violence shelters in the United States.

I'll tell you more about life as a student there in the 60's and 70's next Monday.

My Town Mondays is the brilliant idea of Travis Erwin. Please visit his blog for more bloggers participating in this fun exercise.

Lesson 5 - instructor's evaluation

2008-03-30T13:01:00.000-07:00

This assignment is about creating scenes, stringing them together, making sure each one builds on the one before and leads up to the one after.

This scene starts out with Anne arriving at the meeting hall where you create a detailed setting we can easily slip into. The light is on in the attic. As soon as possible, right away, you want to announce her goal in the scene so that we can jump on board with Anne, want what she wants, start cheering her on.

Since you’ve already opened this scene with Anne, you need to stay with her viewpoint instead of moving to Helen. You want to create one scene for one character, develop one conflict, play that conflict out to its crisis point, before introducing a new scene (different time, different setting) with another character, if it’s necessary to change viewpoints. You use asterisks to indicate a change of scene, but what constitutes a new scene is a new conflict, new setting, different time.

Helen and Jean rush into the building and encounter Anne right away. I’ve already evaluated this scene, and I’m not sure I have anything new to say. We don’t really penetrate Helen’s head much, and so there will be little emotional investment for the reader, I’m afraid. Whether you choose Anne or Helen for this entire scene, we need to know what’s at stake and what the character’s goal is in the scene.It doesn’t work to switch to Anne in the middle of the action like this. Again, this is the same scene, so it’s jarring to be inside of Helen, then suddenly inside of Anne. Can you see that at all?

Anne thrusts the door open and no one’s there. The two women are relieved, and you use asterisks to indicate another change of scene, but in reality, again, this isn’t another scene. Get rid of the asterisks. They’re not enough to cause a scene change. As I mentioned, you need to introduce a new conflict, new setting, new time in order for there to be a scene change. So far, this is all one scene, and so far, I still don’t know what’s at stake for your characters. As they start preparing for the meeting, I can’t figure out whose viewpoint we’re in.

We move to Ann. The man falls through the ceiling, but you’re in omniscient viewpoint here. We’re watching this from a distance, not inside of a character, so again, you won’t have emotional investment from the reader. The action is playing out in a vacuum, I’m afraid. Anne learns from Helen who the man is, and the scene closes as she tries to comfort her friend.

I repeated myself in this evaluation so many times about what constitutes a scene, I know I don’t need to say it again. I just want to make sure you understand why what you have here is all one scene. Let me know if you have any questions.

I bet you’re having fun writing this story. You’re good at using your sense of humor in developing your characters and their dialogue.

Lesson 5 - My assignment

2008-03-27T12:14:00.000-07:00

Assignment for Session Five: Write a series of connected scenes (no more than 2,000 words total). These may be scenes from a short story or the opening of a novel, but they should stand together as a unit, even though they are part of a larger story. Try to include a variety from the types of scenes we've studied-narrative, dialogue, action.

The day started out perfectly and went straight downhill from there. One more meeting to go. At least this meeting was a social event and she would be surrounded by friends. Damn, she thought, first one here again. I need to stop being punctual. Aw, crap! Who left the light on in the attic?

Wide stone steps rounded by thousands of feet over the last 150 years led into the beautiful old brick building. The fading sunset glowed against the windows casting mischievous shadows inside. The attic was dark again so she decided it probably wasn’t a light – just the sun reflecting off the window.

Anne shivered as she unlocked the heavy oak door. Even after 40 years attending events here, the darkened interior still gave her the creeps. She knew every inch of the upper two stories and basement but being alone made her uneasy. As she flipped on the lights, the musty old place warmed to her presence.

The center was one of the largest buildings in town. Once used exclusively for Masonic groups, due to rising costs it was now rented out to others for meetings and functions. It hadn’t lost its sense of purpose and the rich dark woods and thick brocade curtains created a sense of formality

She turned on the lights in the main floor dining hall and was pleased to see the tables already set with festive decorations for the post-meeting meal. Red plastic clothes held white dishes. Large pink, red and white Styrofoam hearts danced on a sea of curly ribbon in the middle of each table. Crepe paper ribbons and balloons adorned the walls and a sign saying “Happy VD” was taped over the podium. Ann dropped her packages on the table and put her head in her hands. She made a mental note to have the sign changed before some of the older members arrived.

Overhead a floorboard creaked. “I thought I was the only one here,” she said to the portrait of George Washington. She went to the bottom of the stairs and called, “Who’s there? Is someone up there?” There was no response but Ann was relieved to see Helen and Jean both pull into the parking lot.

******

Jean rushed to gather her packages and lock her car. “Come on, Helen. We’re late again. Anne’s going to be pissed.” She ran towards the steps flustered at their tardiness. “Helen, hurry!”

“I’m too old to hurry and we’re not that late,” said Helen. “You take things too seriously. Relax a little Besides, who cares if Anne’s pissed? When did she become the boss of us?”

“God, Helen. You’re only 62. That’s not old. Quit trying to make yourself ancient before your time,” said Jean. “Anne became the boss of us when we elected her Worthy Matron of the Chapter, remember?”

“Well, thank heavens it’s only for one year. She’s a slave driver.” Helen could sense that Jean was not in any mood for teasing, so she locked her car, ran up to Jean, grabbed her by the arm and pulled her across the parking lot, up the steps and into the building, shouting, “Hurry, hurry! Anne’s gonna kill us for being late!”

They stopped giggling when they opened the door and saw Anne standing in the hallway, arms folded across her chest, peering over her reading glasses looking stern. “All right,” she said. “Which one of you is responsible for the sign?”

Helen blushed and Jean looked innocently up at the ceiling. “Well whoever did it needs to change it before the rest of the group arrives.”

“You don’t like it?” Helen said.

Anne cracked a smile and Helen and Jean relaxed. “I love it, but something tells me a few of our members won’t appreciate your sense of humor.”

The floorboard creaked overhead again and they looked at the ceiling.

“Is someone here with you?” said Jean.

“No. I heard the same noise just before you came in, but no one answered when I called. Maybe we should go upstairs and check it out.”

“Not on your life,” said Jean. “The men’ll be here soon. They can go up there.”

“Don’t be such a sissy,” said Helen. “Let’s go see what’s going on. It’s probably just the old building making noises anyway.”

“Well, you two can go, but I’m staying here,” said Jean.

Helen and Anne started towards the wide old stairs covered with the worn burgundy runners. As Anne started up, Helen sat down on the third step and said, “Maybe we should wait.”

“Wait for what? There’s nothing up there. It’s an old building and the creaking is normal. Are you afraid?”

“Yes and you should be too.” Helen’s courage was quickly evaporating. “How can you be so calm and complacent? What if there’s an ax murderer up there?”

“What if there’s nothing up there and we wait like babies until the men come and rescue us? They’ll never let us live it down. Come on!”

“OK, but you first. I’ll be right behind you.”

*****

The hall upstairs was dark except for the streetlight shining through the oak tree into the windows. Lemon wood polish mixed with stale wool carpet to create an old, but familiar scent. Anne knew Helen wasn’t right behind her, but knowing she was just downstairs gave her enough courage to keep going.

Hand trembling, she reached for the door. As she turned the knob another creak sounded. She froze – panic stricken.

“Anne, are you okay?” Helen yelled from downstairs.

“Fine. Everything’s fine, Helen,” Anne yelled, hoping to announce to any intruders that she wasn’t alone.

She took a deep breath, turned the handle and opened the door with such force it hit the wall on the other side with a loud bang. Quickly flipping on the lights, Anne was relieved to see – no one. Nothing was there but the empty meeting room, bathed in the glow of the new ceiling lights. She sank into the chair by the door and waited for her heart to stop pounding.

“There’s no one here, Helen. You can stop hiding now,” she shouted. “Where the hell are you? You’re supposed to be right behind me.”

Helen ran up the stairs laughing. “One of us had to stay behind to call the police.”

“Right, to report the other one was dead! Some friend you are! Well now one of us is going to have to set up the chapter room all by herself.”

“Not on your life. I’m not going back into that dark old storage locker by myself.”

Anne laughed, “Come on chicken, we’ve got work to do.”

Helen flapped her arms and exaggerated her steps as she followed Anne back to the lockers. “Bwaaaaaaaak, bak, bak, bak, bak, bak bak, bak!”

****

Helen started arranging the chairs and pedestals on the labyrinth rug. No matter how many times they told the caretaker how to arrange things, he always did it wrong. “I think he does this on purpose just to irritate us,” she said.

“He probably does, but at least we don’t have to lug those heavy old chairs or that huge rug out of the hallway.” Anne walked quickly through the room turning on every light, converting the darkness to the friendly warmth she associated with the place. The hall to the storage lockers was unlocked which seemed odd, but this wasn’t the first time. Anne opened the locker door and began gathering the paraphernalia to set up the chapter room. She filled the first box, took it out to Helen and returned for more.

Several items weren’t in their proper places and irritated she searched shelves and back of the locker. The sword was partially hidden behind the file cabinet but came out easily and Anne finished gathering everything and closed the door.

Other members arrived to help and Anne directed them to various tasks in the chapter room and the dining hall downstairs. The hour before the meeting was always a beehive of activity and she enjoyed watching everyone scurry around as the old building was transformed into a warm and inviting place.

*****

Anne stood at the podium and thought how lucky she was to be there. The meeting went well and everyone was thoroughly entertained by the story of the creaking building and Helen’s imitation of a chicken. It was almost time for refreshments and the smell of Pearl’s freshly baked brownies wafted through the air tempting everyone. Anne was pleased her day was ending on a positive note.

The Conductress closed the Bible and Anne said, “I now declare Peony Chapter #333 closed.” With that she rapped the gavel on the dais and a man crashed through the ceiling, bounced off the altar and landed on the floor in front of it like a beanbag.

Everyone sat in stunned silence for a few seconds before Mary Moran started screaming and ran from the room. Several cell phones appeared until Don Waters announced he was calling 911. John McKee, an EMT, quickly ran to the man and pronounced him dead causing two women to faint. The members moved away from the body, but couldn’t take their eyes off him and speculation about his identity ran rampant through the room.

Marion Sutton – who was partially blind and somewhat deaf – kept yelling, “What’s going on? What’s going on? Somebody tell me what happened!”

Her daughter, Dena, quietly explained the situation and Marion looked very puzzled. “What’s wrong Mom?”

“Was he a member?”

“Mom…”

“Was he a member?”

“I don’t think so. I don’t recognize him.”

“Then what’s he doing in our Chapter room. Only members are supposed to be in the Chapter room? What’s he doing here?”

“Mom, the Bible is closed.”

“Well, I suppose it’s okay then.”

By this time Anne regained her composure enough to clear the room and ask everyone to wait downstairs in the dining hall until the police arrived. She knew the police would want to talk to everyone.

As he left, Worthy Patron Harry said, “I sure hope they can find Mary Moran. She’ll be half way to Tacoma by now.”

Anne noticed Helen was standing at the altar looking at the body with tears in her eyes. “Helen, what’s wrong? Do you know him?”

“It’s Jim Ferguson, that retired software guy who moved here about 8 months ago. What a waste.”

“What do you mean by that, Helen? Was he a friend of yours.”

“Not really a friend - just an acquaintance. He lived down the street from me. We used to see each other in passing quite a bit and I was hoping …..well, he was one of the few decent single men around my age left in this town. Do you know how hard it is to find decent single men around my age in this town?”

Anne put her arm around Helen’s shoulders and gave her a squeeze. “Oh, I see. That sucks!”

Bloggiversary

2008-03-24T14:45:00.000-07:00

Today - March 25th

is my bloggiversary!

One year old!

Please help yourself to a piece of cake!

I started this blog because I thought you had to have a blog to respond to Miss Snark. I lurked on her site for months before I dared respond and ask a question. I even entered one of her contests and was thrilled to receive the "Best Suck-Up" award. Thanks to Miss Snark, I've had the opportunity to "meet" people in many different countries and have made some wonderful new friends. I miss Miss Snark and Killer Yapp!

My Town Monday - the teen years

2008-03-24T13:15:00.000-07:00

Peoria High School.

Where I spent 4 of the most miserable years of my life.

Enough said!

Lesson 5 – Plots – Part 2

2008-03-24T10:20:00.000-07:00

As mentioned in my last post, a scene must have a beginning, middle and end. They liken it to an average workday. You begin by getting up, bathing, dressing, eating, and heading to work.
The middle is your work or school. The end is going home, relaxing, eating, TV, family or friends and then bed. Some days are more interesting, exciting and fulfilling than others. It’s the same with a scene.

Beginnings:
The beginning of a scene has only one mission – to hook the reader and make them want to continue reading. There are several places to begin a scene.

Begin in the middle – in medias res.
Basically this means that you first grab the reader’s interest and make them care before you give them all the intricate details. Begin with the action that causes all the reaction. You can also begin immediately after the action that sets the story in motion – i.e. “At least nothing was broken.”

Begin with dialogue
This is a variation on the above. The advantage is that the reader is stepping into something ongoing; therefore there is already an established momentum to sweep them along. There is also the suspense of figuring out the context of the conversation. It’s an interesting and subtle way to present characterization quickly.

Kicking off the scene with dialogue creates immediate momentum and interest because we want to know more about the situation that prompts the dialogue. It also enables the author to deliver characterization, background information, plot conflict and more – all while the reader is distracted by the flow of conversation.

The jump cut
The first line is some action or line of dialogue which has nothing to do with the previous scene even though we’re with the same characters. This can create a sense of suspense because the reader wants to know what happened between the time the last scene ended and this one began.

The big promise opening
Another technique for beginning a scene is to make a promise about what the scene will do. The greater the impact of the claim, the greater the reader’s interest in the scene. Examples of big claims would be:

“When I opened the door I had no idea this was the beginning of the day that would destroy my life.”

“What Anne did next changed everything she’d ever believed about men.”

It’s a “nothing will ever be the same” type opening.

Beginning at the beginning
Our text points out that many beginning writers use this technique poorly, using it out of laziness or because they don’t know there are other options. First you need to clarify where the beginning really is.

1. Setting.
You might begin with a description of the setting if the setting itself is a crucial character in the story or scene. He uses an example from Snow Falling on Cedars in which setting is used to do more than establish the weather; it also underscores the theme of the book.

2. Time
Begin based on the time of day rather than the location. The danger of the “I woke to the blast from the clock radio,” type of opening is that it’s been done so often it’s almost a cliché and needs to be revitalized to hold the attention of the reader. The details need to create interest and suspense. The advantage is that it immediately plunges the reader into a character’s life and world. Seeing them wake up and how they start their day shows us rather than tells us how they live and feel.

3. Action
Another beginning is to introduce us to the action that causes the plot. For example, you might open with a car crash. Your story might not be about the crash itself, but how the crash affected the people who saw it or were involved in it.

The buddy system
Basically, this is introducing a character through another character. You begin a scene with someone describing another character – usually the main character. A major advantage to this technique is that it builds immediate interest about the character being discussed. You can use this technique to reveal another aspect of the main character in each new scene from the narrator’s POV. Having a sidekick tell the story – like Watson in Sherlock Holmes stories – keeps the suspense heightened because we aren’t allowed inside the main character’s head.

Character description
1. Self description
Because the character is describing herself, the reader recognizes that we can’t always trust her opinions. They can be unreliable and have a skewed perspective, but it shows us what they think and feel about themselves.

2. Third-person POV description
This reveals more of the author’s judgment of the character.

Dream sequences
The advice here is that unless the dream is integral to the story, don’t open with it. You can get the reader all excited and swept up in the story only to find out it’s not true. Then they’ll be disappointed and probably angry at such a cheap trick. The lesson says writers usually use this technique because they can’t think of a legitimately interesting way to open the scene without this gimmick.

Final thoughts on beginnings
If you aren’t sure of your beginning, they recommend trying several different approaches until you get the one that feels right to you.

A good opening must compel the writer as much as the reader. It must force the reader to wonder what will happen next.

There’s a lot to this lesson. More later.

Lesson 5 – Plot - Part 1

2008-03-20T16:44:00.000-07:00

The first 2 paragraphs of our reading assignment (about 90 pages this week) surprised me because they describe a plot as “what happens in the story.” It’s the events that take place and has nothing to do with theme or meaning or how the characters feel – only their actions. They use this example from J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye: An adolescent boy is thrown out of prep school, makes his way back to New York, confronts various people, and has a nervous breakdown. That’s it. Those are the main plot points.

There are specific events that occur to move those main plot points forward. A good plot surprises – not with cheap twists and silly reversals, but with a variety of possible actions resulting from a variety of complex human emotions. The writer’s challenge is to make the plot twists natural and come from the characters needs and desires. They must have proper motivation and not be arbitrary.

Conflict is the fuel that drives the plot forward. Without it, there is no story. There are two kinds of conflict – internal and external. Internal conflict is a personality flaw that prevents a character from achieving whatever goal he’s after. Pride is a good example. An external conflict is like an avalanche that blocks the road and prevents the character from going somewhere. External conflicts can be symbolic representations of internal conflicts. The example given is of a man who says he wants to meet his father but can’t because of a critical meeting that could save his failing business. The failing business could be caused by his pride which is keeping his father from him.

Elements of a plot:
1. BEGINNING
· Introduction
Introduces: characters, core conflict, setting, tone
· Antecedent Action
Explanation of events prior to the opening of story to provide clarity. This could include background information about the characters or the situation.

2. MIDDLE
· Suspense
Suspense can be created by showing the audience something in such a way that they know it will become a major factor later (for example, showing a destroyed spaceship in Alien foreshadows the trouble this crew will face).
· Conflict
The establishment of a genuinely felt conflict creates a natural suspense quotient. The higher the stakes concerning this outcome, the more the reader is involved.
· Reversal
This is the dramatic turning point. It occurs when the protagonist discovers that the outcome of all his/her plans is not what he/she had expected. It can occur by coincidence, but is better if it occurs by design of other characters, or as the result of something the protagonist did. An example of the latter: Early in the story the hero is a cad and unceremoniously dumps his girlfriend. Later he grows and becomes a nice guy, meets a girl, plans to get married. Right before the wedding, the dumped ex-girlfriend returns to tell the new girlfriend some awful secret about the hero's past, threatening the pending nuptials.
· Climax
This is not the end of the story, but rather that point in the story at which the rest of the events become inevitable. Technically, it is the end of the middle.

3. END
· Catastrophe and Dénouement
The catastrophe in tragedy/drama is where the protagonist or someone close to him dies. More commonly, it is the point in the story where it looks as if all is lost. The denouement is the tying up of loose ends.

Scenes
All of the plot elements are made up of scenes. There can be thousands of scenes in a novel. The scenes can be composed of dialogue, action and/or narration. Each scene has its own beginning, middle and end. How you write scenes and string them together depends on what you are writing.

What makes a scene memorable are those moments so powerful they catch the reader off-guard and stay in their memory long after the book is back on the shelf. The writers job is to make even the most predictable scene an unexpected experience for the reader by elevating it through fresh dialogue, unusual situations or a unique and wonderful voice.

They advise writers who have sudden ideas for unique scenes in off-beat settings to go ahead and write them. Later you can ask the crucial questions. Why is it here? What do I hope to accomplish with it? How can I best utilize this odd setting? You can then transform the great idea into a fully realized scene, rich with nuance, texture, character and theme.

Though every scene has a purpose or focus, the best scenes achieve this subtlety through misdirection. The reader is looking at one hand while you manipulate them with the other. This is especially important if the scene exists merely to deliver information.

A scene is like a single member of a family. It is loved for its own individuality, but its greatest power is its contribution to the larger group. First concentrate on the elements that make the scene work on its own as an isolated mini-story, then judge each scene’s effectiveness by how much it contributes to the whole work.

Focus
A scene should do two or more of these four things: 1. advance the plot, 2. develop the characters, 3. illustrate the theme, 4.contribute to suspense. They recommend reading each scene again when you’re finished and completing the following sentences:

1. The Plot Focus:
The purpose of this scene is to _____________

2. The Character Focus:
When the reader finishes this scene, they should feel __________

3. The Theme Focus:
When the reader finishes this scene, they should think ____________

4. The Suspense Focus:
When the reader finishes this scene, they should wonder _________________

If you can’t complete at least two of these sentences to your satisfaction, the scene either needs work or needs to be cut.

Look for Part 2 soon and as always, remember this is just a synopsis of about 90 pages of material.

New shoe inspired epiphany

2008-03-17T10:53:00.000-07:00

Purchasing new shoes isn’t a momentous event for me. I love shoes and have far more than necessary. I can carry the same purse for years, but shoes are my downfall. A couple of years ago a new brand caught my attention – Sofft. They’re stylish and comfortable – a happy combination. Now several pairs grace my shoe racks and finding a new style to purchase fills me with glee. Sofft shoes aren’t expensive, but they aren’t cheap either - usually about $90 a pair and worth every penny because they’re well constructed and use good materials.

Here is my latest pair:
The other day I looked down at my feet – stunning in my new shoes – and was overcome by the realization of how lucky I am.

I have:
· a spacious and comfortable home that will be paid off in about 5 years,
· a great job working for nice people who treat me well and value my opinion,
· a sweet, goofy dog who adores me,
· wonderful friends and neighbors,
· money in the bank,
· no debt besides my mortgage,
· membership in an organization full of good, happy people,
· and 9 pairs of Sofft shoes (along with shoes from many other brands.)

I’m not rich, but I’m not poor.
I don’t live in a mansion, but I’m not homeless.
I don’t eat steak and lobster very often, but I’m not hungry.
When I’m sick, I can go to a doctor.
I live alone, but I’m never lonely.
I have the ability to help those less fortunate, and I do.
I don’t shop in Beverly Hills, but I wear Sofft shoes.

I am a very lucky woman!

Sometimes the smallest moments can evoke the biggest epiphanies – like looking down at your new shoes.

Have you had any epiphanies lately?

Famous author thaws out in Seattle!

2008-03-15T18:13:00.000-07:00

Guess who came to see me today and let me drive her around?

Lesson 4 - Instructor's comments

2008-03-15T10:27:00.001-07:00

We’re in Anne’s first-person point of view as the first scene opens. Anne is curious about the noise above her head, but then Helen and Jean arrive. Does the reader already know what the sign says? If not, it seems you should tell us here, since it’s the focus of their dialogue. The women hear the noise above them, and Anne tells the others she’d like to go check it out. Now, we’re in first person, so you can easily go inside of Anne’s head to let the reader in on what she thinks the noise might be. Jean’s chicken, and so Helen and Anne head up the stairs. Helen stops, changing her mind. The dialogue is working here as they go back and forth about whether they should keep going or not. The narrative works, too, as Helen opens the door and turns on the light. What’s missing for me is Anne’s internal dialogue. The advantage of the first person point of view is that we get to be up close and personal with the viewpoint character as she thinks about her goal in the scene, the obstacles that come at her to keep her from achieving it, her thoughts and feelings about the other characters. This is where much of the tension comes into a scene of dialogue—what the character’s thinking that she can’t say out loud.

In the second passage, we’re in Helen’s third-person point of view. I mean, you’ve headed up the scene with that, but as I start reading, there’s no way I would know that. How about entering Helen’s head, so that the reader can experience the action from inside of Helen? What’s important to her in this scene? When in a point of view, we’re inside. Helen can’t see her own face blushing, so instead of showing her face to the reader, reveal her thoughts about Anne’s question about the sign. What is she thinking when they hear the noise? The scene proceeds much as it did before. The only part that’s really different is a line or two inside of Helen’s head as she watches Anne go upstairs. She feels a tinge of guilt. This is the only time you go inside of her so that we can tell that this is her viewpoint. So I’d just like to suggest that whether you’re writing in first or third-person point of view, you make sure to penetrate the character’s head as this is how you reveal to the reader whose viewpoint we’re in. It’s how the character thinks and observes the situation and the other characters. It’s how he perceives himself. This is how the reader gets to know the character from the inside out.

Lesson 4 - assignment

2008-03-13T08:30:00.000-07:00

Caveat: I realize this may be boring for some of you because I’m using the same people and scene repeatedly, but this course is about the fundamentals of writing. Right now I’m just trying to learn techniques to make me a better writer so the plot and story is secondary.

Assignment for Session Four:
Write a 500-word first-person scene that presents a conversation (and related action) between two or three characters. In this scene, the first-person narrator will be your POV character. Then, rewrite the same scene in limited third-person POV, using a different viewpoint character (indicate to your instructor which character is the viewpoint character). Make changes that would be appropriate to the new POV character's perspective, but keep the essential details the same.

First Person - Anne as viewpoint character:

A floorboard creaked over my head. I walked to the bottom of the stairs and called, “Who’s there? Is someone up there?” There was no response but the big front door opened and I was relieved to see Helen and Jean.

“All right. Which one of you is responsible for the sign?”

Helen blushed and Jean looked innocently up at the ceiling. “Well whoever did it needs to change it before the rest of the group arrives.”

“You don’t like it?” Helen said.

“I love it, but something tells me a few of our members won’t appreciate your sense of humor.”

The floorboard creaked overhead again and all three of us looked at the ceiling.

“Is someone here with you?” said Jean.

“No. I heard the same noise just before you came in, but no one answered when I called. Maybe we should go upstairs and check it out.”

“Not on your life,” said Jean. “The men will be here soon. They can go up there.”

“Don’t be such a sissy,” said Helen. “Let’s go see what’s going on. It’s probably just the old building making noises anyway.”

“Well, you two can go, but I’m staying here,” said Jean.

Helen and I started towards the wide old stairs covered with the worn burgundy runners. As we started up, Helen sat down on the third step and said, “Maybe we should wait.”

“Wait for what? There’s nothing up there. It’s an old building and the creaking is normal. Are you afraid?”

“Yes and you should be too. How can you be so calm and complacent? What if there’s an ax murderer up there?”

“What if there’s nothing up there and we wait like babies until the men come and rescue us? They’ll never let us live it down. Come on!”

“OK, but you first. I’ll be right behind you.”

I could feel her holding back watching me climb the stairs, but since I made such a point of being brave my pride wouldn’t let me stop. At the top of the stairs, I hesitated in the darkened foyer. An involuntary shudder swept over me as I approached the door to the musty lodge room and my heart was beating wildly. I took a deep breath, opened the door and quickly flipped on the lights. “See, there’s no one here,” I said turning around. “Helen, where the hell are you? You’re supposed to be right behind me.”

Helen came running up the stairs laughing. “One of us had to stay behind to call the police.”

“Right. And now one of us is going to have to set up the chapter room all by herself.”

“Not on your life. I’m not going back into that dark old storage locker by myself.”

I sighed and laughed. “Come on chicken.”

Third Person Limited - Helen as viewpoint character:

Jean ran up the steps out of breath from rushing. “We’re late again. Anne’s going to be pissed.”

“I know,” said Helen, “but I’m too old to run and we’re not that late.”

“God, Helen. You’re only 62. That’s not old. Quit trying to make yourself ancient before your time.”

Opening the door they could see Anne standing in the hallway, arms folded across her chest, peering over her reading glasses. “All right,” she said. “Which one of you is responsible for the sign?”

Helen blushed and Jean looked innocently up at the ceiling. “Well whoever did it needs to change it before the rest of the group arrives.”

“You don’t like it?” Helen said.

“I love it, but something tells me a few of our members won’t appreciate your sense of humor.”

The floorboard creaked overhead again and they looked at the ceiling.

“Is someone here with you?” said Jean.

“No. I heard the same noise just before you came in, but no one answered when I called. Maybe we should go upstairs and check it out.”

“Not on your life,” said Jean. “The men will be here soon. They can go up there.”

“Don’t be such a sissy,” said Helen. “Let’s go see what’s going on. It’s probably just the old building making noises anyway.”

“Well, you two can go, but I’m staying here,” said Jean.

Helen and Anne started towards the wide old stairs covered with the worn burgundy runners. Anne started up, but Helen sat down on the third step and said, “Maybe we should wait.”

“Wait for what? There’s nothing up there. It’s an old building and the creaking is normal. Are you afraid?”

“Yes and you should be too. How can you be so calm and complacent? What if there’s an ax murderer up there?”

“What if there’s nothing up there and we wait like babies until the men come and rescue us? They’ll never let us live it down. Come on!”

“OK, but you first. I’ll be right behind you.”

Helen watched Anne go upstairs and followed one slow step at a time. She heard her in the foyer upstairs and felt a slight tinge of guilt for not being braver and more supportive. She was relieved to see the light go on and hear Anne call, “See, there’s no one here. Helen, where the hell are you? You’re supposed to be right behind me.”

Helen ran up the stairs laughing. “One of us had to stay behind to call the police.”

“Right. And now one of us is going to have to set up the chapter room all by herself.”

“Not on your life. I’m not going back into that dark old storage locker by myself.”

Anne sighed and laughed. “Come on chicken.”

“Bwaaaaaaaak, bak, bak, bak, bak, bak bak, bak!”

Any comments or critiques are welcome and appreciated.

Can you help?

2008-03-12T14:50:00.001-07:00

One of our blogging buddies is in trouble. Please read this post for details.

Lesson 4 - Dialogue

2008-03-11T20:05:00.000-07:00

Again, this is a synopsis of about 50 pages of reading, but here are the highpoints.

The Function of Dialogue in Fiction
Dialogue is simply characters speaking aloud. It has many advantages:

1. Immediacy. Dialogue intensifies a scene by making it more immediate and lively. Generally, readers are more involved in the story if they experience the events and conversations rather than have someone tell them about them later.

2. Characterization. Dialogue is an excellent method of revealing character. When you hear the character's own words, it's easier to understand what kind of person he or she is. The way in which people speak reveals how interesting/ educated/funny/unhappy/etc. they are.

3. Information. It serves as a shorthand way of delivering information to the readers. Unloading background or character information in the middle of a story is called an info dump. Even if the information is crucial to understanding the character or for the plot of the story, it usually stops the momentum of the story. However, when such information is presented in dialogue, the momentum can be maintained. The conversation delivering the info is a misdirection, meaning you get the reader involved in the conversation and then slip the crucial info in without them noticing.

Writing Realistic Dialogue
There's a big difference between "realistic" and "real." In life, real is everything that happens to you during the entire day. A story takes the essence of that same day, but cuts out the boring parts. Same thing in dialogue. In real life, when most people speak they meander, repeat themselves, pause, digress, say "uh" and "um" a lot.

The writer tries to duplicate the rhythm of real speech, but cleans it up by cutting out the boring parts. Good dialogue isn't reality, it's "heightened reality."

General Rules of Dialogue Usage

There are some general rules about dialogue to keep in mind:

1. Start a new paragraph with each new speaker.

2. Don't put thoughts in quotes, it confuses the reader as to which lines are being spoken and which are being thought. Use underlining or italics to indicate a character's thoughts without attribution (Like that's really going to happen) or simply include a tag that indicates thought (Like that's really going to happen, he thought).

3. Terminal punctuation (commas, periods, question marks) goes inside the quotation marks.

4. Beginning writers sometimes wait until the end of a long speech to add the tag line. If you are going to use a tag line, do so as soon as stylistically possible. If you wait too long, the reader won't know who the speaker is until the end, and not knowing distracts the reader from what is being said.

5. Avoid using too many tags. This includes padding with a lot of description or gestures. Sometimes the dialogue must flow without interruption, with minimal tags. If only two characters are speaking, you can let several lines go without any tags.

6. Avoid adverbs in the tag lines (i.e., "Stop!" she shouted urgently.) The characters urgency is implied in the dialogue and by the fact that she shouted. The adverb distracts the reader.

7. Keep your tags simple. The longer and more elaborate the tag line, the more the actual dialogue becomes smothered.

8. Don't overuse names when characters address each other: "Hi, Jim, how are you?" "Fine, Sam." "Say, Jim, is that a new watch?" "No, Sam, same old one." This constant use of their names makes the dialogue stiff and robotic-sounding.

Quotation Marks
First, they are used to enclose words and phrases to which special attention needs to be drawn. If a word is used out of context or in some other unusual way, such as to include a slang word in formal writing, or when it is being used sarcastically, it should appear in quotes:

"Of" is an ambiguous preposition, for it can mean "from" or "by."

Yeah, it was a "happy" occasion, all right, if you like being humiliated in public!

He really is quite a "square" fellow.

In the first sentence we've used prepositions as nouns, which is allowable only if we put them in quotation marks. Sentence two involves sarcasm; that is, a meaning that is exactly opposite of what is said. You put "happy" in quotation marks because you want to be sure the reader catches the irony (in much the same way a speaker will make "air quotes" with his hands to make sure the audience understands the intended sarcasm). The final sentence uses quotes to insert a slang expression into a more formal context; omitting the quotes would make it seem that the writer was using informal language inappropriately.

A second use of quotation marks involves titles. Use them in the following instances:
-short artistic works (poems, songs, television and radio programs)
-titles of individual courses of study (but not areas)
-short stories
-articles in magazines
-any literary piece that is not bound as a book

Quotes and Dialogue
Quotation marks are used to indicate direct quotations and dialogue. Whenever you are putting the speaker's actual words on the page, use quotation marks; when you are merely telling your reader what someone said, don't use quotation marks.

Now here are three very important rules about punctuation with quotation marks:
1. Periods and commas always occur inside quotation marks:
2. Semicolons and colons always occur outside quotation marks:
3. Question and exclamation marks may occur inside or outside quotation marks, depending on the meaning of the sentence:

Varying the location of the attribution can also change the stress of the sentence. In a long quote or line of dialogue, using an interrupting attribution can remind the reader who is speaking, or serve to reinforce the main ideas of a quote by separating them and making each more distinct.

His manager said, "The trouble with John is his lack of education in the field."

"The trouble with John is his lack of education in the field," his manager said.

"The trouble with John," his manager said, "is his lack of education in the field."

The two main ideas in this sentence are "the trouble with John" and "his lack of education in the field." The third sentence is perhaps the most forceful because by breaking up the manager's statement, equal weight is given to both parts.

To prevent the reader from being confused about who is speaking, each change in speaker is indicated by a new paragraph because it makes it easy for the reader to keep track of who is speaking because of the way the dialogue is separated for each speaker.

The final rule involves quotations within quotations. For such internal quotations, use the apostrophe, sometimes called a single quote when used in this way:
"That's fine by me," Father cautioned, "but remember what Grandma used to say: 'Early to bed, early to rise. . .

I hope you all find this useful. Again, this is not my work but a massive cut and past of some of the most important parts of the lessons. In a day or 2 I'll post my assignment for this lesson.

My Town Monday - Anna, IL

2008-03-10T15:31:00.000-07:00

In our small town, everyone knew each other and there were no secrets, a fact that would make life somewhat unpleasant occasionally. You couldn’t get away with anything.

It was safe for us to wander around. You could walk almost anywhere, cutting through the fields and your neighbors’ yards, and never worry. There were very few fences. If we wandered too far, someone would call our parents and let them know where we were in case they were looking for us. Mom never locked her car. In fact, she never even took the keys out of it. It would sit in front of the house or a store unlocked with the windows down and the keys in the ignition, and no one ever touched it.

As a child growing up in this environment, my existence was uncomplicated and uncluttered. Life was simple and carefree. There was nothing to worry about and I was free to let my imagination run wild. We had a small library made from limestone quarried in a neighboring town where I spent hours reading and dreaming.

We had three TV stations starting with CBS in the early 50’s, NBC a year or 2 later and ABC a year after that. They broadcast from Cape Girardeau, Missouri, Paducah, Kentucky and Harrisburg, Illinois. I was always disappointed when 10:30 rolled around and the National Anthem played and the test pattern appeared. Of course, we had to have a huge antenna attached to our roof and if the weather was bad, so was the reception.

Most of our radio stations were small and played country music with lots of talk and local news. But at night when everything was still, you could get the rock and roll stations from St. Louis 100 miles away. Rock and roll was taboo at first, but gradually it was accepted, especially after Elvis appeared on Ed Sullivan.

Going to the movies was a real adventure – in the summer at the local drive-in and the rest of the year at the Rodgers Theater in town. My favorites were romantic comedies, musicals, science fiction and Westerns. And of course, I loved the cartoons. It wasn’t all good though. Bambi totally traumatized me and I was so terrified by Psycho and Murders at the Rue Morgue I haven’t been able to go to a horror movie since. I’m a movie and book wimp. We had a party line on the phone. That sometimes made life interesting unless my Mom caught me listening in on their conversations. My Dad owned a local car dealership at the time and his phone number at work was 405. But when I wanted to talk to him, I just picked up the phone and told the operator that I wanted to talk to my Daddy and she connected me without even asking who I was. It was like magic to me. I thought that was how everyone lived.

Occasionally something really special would happen. The Circus came to town and we got to see all the lions, tigers, bears and elephants up close. We would watch the performers and dream of the day when we would join the circus and go on tour as famous acts with our faces on posters – thrilling the crowds. Once the Harlem Globetrotters came and performed at the local high school. I actually got to see Meadowlark Lemon and his teammates put on a very funny show and soundly beat the other team. It was incredibly exciting and everyone in town talked about it for months.

We had a corner grocery store down the street from home – just a little place. We always went there for candy and ice cream bars. They had all the wonderful penny candies in jars and a nickel or dime would buy enough tiny soda bottles or candy lips to keep us happy for hours. If we didn’t have any money, they just put it on our account and either we paid the next time we were in or our parents paid.

We went to grade school from Kindergarten through 5th grade, then you went with all the medium sized kids to Anna Jr. High. There were 2 elementary schools in town and I went to Davie. It was a 3 story brick building with a big central hall and stairwell. The restrooms were in the basement, there were 2 first grade and 2 second grade classrooms on the first floor and 2 third and 2 fourth grade classrooms on the second floor. An addition in the early 50’s housed the Kindergarten and 5th grade classrooms and a new gymnasium that doubled as a cafeteria and auditorium for performances. The building is now a bed and breakfast and all the classrooms are suites.

At the other end of town was the Anna State Hospital (now PC named the Clyde Choate Mental Health and Development Center.) Originally it housed the insane and just about anyone else who couldn’t care for themselves. The father of a friend was the head of it at the time and they had a huge apartment on the top floor of the central building. We never felt unsafe there. For years afterwards when I told people I was from Anna they always asked which end of town.

This post has been brought to you by Travis Erwin's "My Town Mondays". Check his site for more blogs offering information on their home towns.

Some new symbols

2008-03-05T20:56:00.000-08:00

Warning: If you're easily offended, you might want to skip this post. However, if you're in the mood for a silly and irreverent laugh, keep reading.

A friend sent me some new symbols to add to my emoticons - you know all those little things we add to the ends of sentences like:

:) or :~) = a smile

:( or :~( = a frown

My friend calls these symbols "assicons"

Here we go:

(_!_) = regular ass

(__!__) = fat ass

(!) = tight ass

(_*_) = sore ass

{_!_} = swishy ass

(_o_) = an ass that's been around

(_x_) = kiss my ass

(_X_) = leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) = tired ass

(_E=mc2_) = smart ass

(_$_) = money coming out of your ass

and (_?_) = dumb ass

Which one will you use first?

My Town Monday

2008-03-03T11:56:00.000-08:00

I was born in a very small town in rural southern Illinois in what was once referred to as Bloody Williamson County. It was the scene of violence, massacres, KKK activities and gangster wars from the late 1800’s through the 1920’s. Fortunately things were peaceful by the time I arrived, but the façade of the hospital still bore bullet scars fired during one particularly nasty siege. I wasn’t supposed to be born there, but the hospital in the town where my parents lived burned down and it took a while to rebuild things there.

When I was 6 months old, we moved to another small southern Illinois town - 25 miles from the Mississippi river, 30 miles from the Ohio River, situated in the rolling foothills of the Ozarks with forests and lakes everywhere. At 4,400 people we were one of the biggest towns in the area. Our claims to fame were the state mental hospital and the Bunny Bread factory.

In the spring the countryside was a plethora of color. The acres of budding apple and peach orchards were breathtaking and the fragrance of their lovely pink and white blossoms filled the air and promised delicious fruit in the fall. Wildflowers grew everywhere and fields of happy daffodils greeted you. It was a wonderful time of year.

Summers were incredibly hot and humid. We were lucky because we had huge trees to shade the house and a window-mounted air conditioner. When we were home, we pulled down the shades on the sunny side of the house, closed all the windows and doors and let that sucker run on high. For cooler days or nights, we had a big attic fan to keep the air circulating. But we were used to the conditions so the weather never stopped us from living our daily lives.

Tornados were common during the summer. You always knew when they were coming because everything would get deathly silent - the birds wouldn’t sing and the air would be absolutely still. Like clockwork, the sirens blared and we ran into the fields to watch the funnel clouds go by on their way to strike one of the neighboring towns. For some reason they never hit us, so as kids we didn’t worry about them. Even so, during the school year we had tornado drills where we would all go into the hallways and duck and cover.

Late summer was the time to harvest the orchards. The peaches in southern Illinois seemed sweeter and juicier than anywhere else in the world. We stopped at roadside stands and bought baskets of them and the owners always gave us samples. Then we gorged on delicious peach pies or cobblers. Sometimes we canned or froze them to be enjoyed later. Because we had orchards close to our house, I always managed to sneak in and eat my fill of peaches straight from the trees. They were and still are my favorite fruit.

This was also the time for the county fair – a very big event in our town. There were rides, animals, exhibits, demolition derbies, trotting races, entertainment and lots of good food and events to keep everyone’s minds off the impending start of the new school year. By fair standards, this was a very small one, but it sure seemed big to us growing up.
Autumn was always beautiful. We had lots of deciduous trees that turned brilliant colors. When the leaves fell off, we raked them into huge piles then ran and jumped on them like they were gigantic pillows. Autumn was always my favorite because my birthday was in early October. I was just under the cutoff for school, thus always one of the youngest in my class. I started Kindergarten when I was four.

Winters were usually mild. On the extremely rare occasions when it did snow, we pulled out our rusty sleds or cardboard boxes and went hurtling down the hills and then built snowmen before it had a chance to melt. That usually only lasted a few days. Everything stopped when it snowed because it was such a rare occurrence and there was no equipment to clear the roads.

It wasn't a fancy town, but it was where I grew up.

ETA: This post has been brought to you by Travis Erwin's "My Town Mondays". Check his site for more blogs offering up information on their home towns.

Instructors comments on lesson three

2008-03-02T13:49:00.000-08:00

This assignment is about characterization, how you reveal who Anne is as a person through narration, dialogue and action.

In this first passage, it’s not just narration about Anne that we’re looking for, it’s narration that provides specific details of her appearance, her background or how she thinks about other characters, her life situation, her goals, etc. Much of this passage is you, the author, TELLING us about Anne, instead of getting into Anne’s head and letting her reveal herself to the reader. Our lecture addresses this. How about putting Anne in a scene and showing us her fashionable navy pants and her matching cardigan as she moves around the setting? Instead of TELLING us about her “hard emotional shell,” how about SHOWING us as she thinks about another character or a situation in her life? Again, instead of TELLING us about how she’s a reliable worker, SHOW us. This isn’t to be a profile, it’s to put Anne in a scene and let the narration come from inside of her as the viewpoint character. And when narrating, you want to focus on just one aspect of who a character is, the aspect that is relevant to the conflict in the scene that you’re developing.

In the dialogue study, what’s important is what Anne says and how she says it. What I see here right away is Anne’s courage. She’s not willing to act like a “girl,” waiting to be rescued by a “boy.” Her dialogue continues to speak of her courage until the end of the scene. She’s also able to tease her friend without putting her down. She doesn’t take things too seriously. What strikes me is that her heart IS beating wildly, and so she does have fear that she’s willing to feel but also to overcome as she moves into the musty room.

In the action scene, I’m looking for gestures, movements, mannerisms, facial expressions, not just meaningless action. Remember, this is about characterization. She needs the room to feel warm again, and so she turns on the lights. You mention her irritation as she finds items out of place. Would you say that her efforts to align the chairs is characteristic of her need to be organized? Is this significant? I want you to think consciously about Anne’s actions, so that we can begin to visualize this character.

I'm still trying to figure out what I did wrong based on the assignment. And once again, I feel......

Happy February 29th!

2008-02-29T09:20:00.000-08:00

It’s leap day and since I’m waiting for my instructor to rip my latest submission apart I’m amusing myself looking through my junk mail box. Thought you might want to enjoy some of the latest and greatest offers sent my way.

Me (How did I send myself junk mail?) Re: MedHelp6018295504826. An offer for Cialis and Viagra.
Hey folks, first get me a man and then we’ll talk!

Adrienne Steele wants to sell me cheap Swiss made Rolex, Omega, Panerai, Chanel and asks, “Will you like it?”
Fat chance Adrienne. I can buy cheap stuff here and get exercise walking around the stores.

Derek Barron and Maxwell Glass are both offering HugeDiscountWatches (with no spaces).
Sorry boys. See reply to Adrienne above.

Brand Martin and Lilian Rocha are asking, “Do you want enlarge your penis?”
I’m a woman!

Samela at Box Software has another piece of useless software guaranteed to totally screw up my computer.

Dianne Buckner is sending me a pharmacy receipt for medicine I didn’t order.

Maryanne J. Hankins is offering my 88% off Swiss-made watches.
Perhaps I should forward her e-mail to Adrienne and they can compare their offers.

Authentic Cialis and Viagra are sending me a Client Notice:Limited Offer.
As I said above, man first!

Muskan.bhan @ webspace says, “The best of the anti-ed meds are here!”
And that’s where they’re going to stay, hon!

Command @ bankoestada tells me I won’t find high-quality meds at unbelievable low prices at my local chemist!
Maybe not, but at least Walgreens doesn’t sell cheap and potentially dangerous drugs over the internet.

Shoots @ avalonbay invites me to, “Enjoy your vacation. Girls will love you. We’ll take care of it.”
Okay, let me repeat; I’m a woman looking for a man.

Pfizer Web Solutions is sending me a personal notice.
Still not opening it.

Roosp @ hwy 65 says, “Girls love you becuase (his spelling) you order blue-pills and get pleasure!”
I am woman. Hear me roar!

Cialia/Viagra are offering me a private re-order.
Sigh!

Thorsteo @ aanada is offering me lab-tested SOMA to kill my pain.
I need it after reading all this other stuff.

And my favorite of this batch:
Wilburn Chan says, “I wanted the pure pleasure of having a 10 inch monster in my pants”.
Wilburn, you need to get out of the house more!

Happy Leap Day everyone! Have a great weekend.

My submission for Session 3

2008-02-28T10:18:00.000-08:00

The assignment: Using one of the characters profiled, write 3 different characterization studies focusing on; 1. narrative – only the character’s viewpoint should be used, 2. dialogue and 3. action. Use the same viewpoint character, setting and story for all three.

1. Narration:

Everyone thought she was 10 years younger until they got close enough to see the deepening wrinkles and grey flecks hiding in her medium brown hair. The serene grey eyes and expressionless face revealed no inner thoughts, but a relaxed confidence made her appear approachable. Fashionable navy pants covered her long legs, topped by a perfectly matched cardigan with a deep red sweater underneath. Similar red earrings were her only jewelry.

An easy smile often crossed her face and her thoughtful gaze inspired others to reveal their innermost thoughts without realizing it. Everyone knew Anne could keep a secret. They just didn’t know why she was so adept. In the 25 years since she moved to Freeland, few people pierced the hard emotional shell. Her past was buried deep and she had no desire or need to revisit it.

She rarely talked of her family and then only in general and vague terms. She was a good, reliable worker – both at her job and social settings. This allowed her to deflect many unanswered questions from well meaning friends. If you needed a job done right, or needed to know how to do it right, Anne could find a way. Her ability to quickly understand problems and devise solutions was uncanny.

Anne and her dog lived in a comfortable home with an endless list of projects to prevent boredom from calling and she enjoyed the peace and serenity found there.

2. Dialogue

Anne and Helen went towards the old stairs covered with worn burgundy runners. As they started to go up, Helen sat down on the third step and said, “Maybe we should wait.”

“Wait for what? There’s nothing up there. It’s an old building and the creaking is normal. Are you afraid?”

“Yes and you should be too. How can you be so calm and complacent? What if there’s an ax murderer up there?”

“What if there’s nothing up there and we wait like babies until the men come and rescue us? They’ll never let us live it down. Come on!”

“OK, but you first,” Helen said. She held back and watched Anne climb the stairs. “I’m coming right behind you.”

At the top of the stairs, Anne hesitated in the darkened foyer. She approached the door to the musty lodge room, her heart beating wildly. Taking a deep breath she opened the door and quickly flipped on the lights. “See, there’s no one here,” she said turning around. “Helen, where the hell are you? You’re supposed to be right behind me.”

Helen came running up the stairs laughing. “One of us had to stay behind to call the police.”

“Right. And now one of us is going to have to set up the chapter room all by herself.”

“Not on your life. I’m not going back into that dark old storage locker by myself.”

Anne sighed and laughed. “Come on chicken.”

3. Action

Anne walked quickly through the room turning on every light to convert the stale darkness to the friendly warmth she associated with the room. The hall to the storage locker was unlocked which seemed rather odd, but this wasn’t the first time. Anne opened the locker door and began gathering the paraphernalia to set up the chapter room. She took the first batch out to Helen who was busy getting the chairs organized and returned for another load.

Several items were not in their proper places and irritated she searched shelves and back of the locker. The sword was partially hidden behind the file cabinet but came out easily and Anne finished her chore and closed the door.

She followed discretely behind Helen aligning the chairs and paraphernalia until everything was in perfect order, all the while assuring Helen she was doing a great job. Other members arrived to help and Anne directed them to various tasks in the chapter room and the dining hall downstairs.

The hour before the meeting was always a beehive of activity and Anne enjoyed watching everyone scurry around as the old building was transformed into a warm and inviting place.

My six word memoir

2008-02-27T11:22:00.000-08:00

Happy older woman has no regrets!

(Edited cause Cyn says I'm not old! I heart Cyn!)

Assignment for Session Three

2008-02-25T16:44:00.000-08:00

This week’s reading assignment discusses three kinds of information we want to provide readers about our characters: physical description, personal history and character analysis. We should know our characters well to write about them convincingly, but the reader needs to know only what’s necessary to follow the story at any given point. In other words, instead of throwing all the food in the tank at one time and killing the fish (boring the reader), we need to sprinkle just enough on the water to keep them alive and coming back for more.

There are 3 primary techniques for characterization; narration, dialogue and action.

Narration involves the author giving information about the character to the reader either directly or through another character’s eyes. This can be a physical description, a personal history that provides perspective about whatever is happening in the story itself or a character analysis where the author or one of the characters tells us what they think of that person.

Dialogue (which will be the subject of our next session) is more active than narration because it allows readers to draw their own conclusions by seeing the character in action or through dialogue.

Showing the character in action can also tell the reader something about their personality. One of the examples in our reading material is, you’re sitting in a movie theater and someone yells, “Fire.” What do you do? Leap over the seat pushing people out of your way as your run for the exit? Help others towards the exit? Sit and finish your popcorn waiting for others to get out first? The point is that people reveal themselves in the way they act. It can be subtle – like how they pour coffee, or dramatic like yelling and screaming. Action also is a way of contrasting what a person says with what they actually do.

The second half of the reading discusses point of view (POV). It refers to the mind of the character through which the story is told. Viewpoints can be either objective – used when the narrator relates facts but avoids emotion – or subjective – incorporating a character’s thoughts and emotions into the story.

First person POV is the narrator telling the story as if it happened to them and uses “I”, “me” and “my”. It’s kind of like reading a person’s diary and can create an instant bond or personal relationship for the reader with the character. The reader experiences things with more immediacy and emotional impact. The danger is in overdoing and revealing too much of the character’s thoughts and opinions to the point of boring the reader.

Second person POV uses the pronoun “you”. They define it as a kind of chiding conscience, the moral super-ego showing the main character what his life has become which usually includes a hind of condemnation. It’s more difficult to engage the reader with this POV and it creates a darker tone.

Third person POV uses “he”, “she” and “they” and can be either omniscient or limited. Omniscient is everywhere at once and told from one character’s POV. Limited gives the perspective of one character at a time. If more than two characters are involved it’s called multiple third person limited. The danger of having too many POV’s is that it can dilute the tension.

So, you identify the character(s) best suited to tell the story and decide on their relationship to the reader. If you’re having trouble, they recommend writing the same passage from several POVs to see which one works best (something Travis discussed recently), but to make sure you only do one character’s POV per chapter.

This is a very brief synopsis of about 50 pages of material that sometimes almost put me to sleep. No offense to the authors, but whew! Anyway, tonight I’ll be working on my assignment which is: Using one of the characters profiled, write 3 different characterization studies focusing on; 1. narrative – only the character’s viewpoint should be used, 2. dialogue and 3. action. Use the same viewpoint character, setting and story for all three.

Feel free to join me. No snoozing allowed!

Friday

2008-02-22T13:14:00.000-08:00

I'm working hard on all my reading assignments for my class. This lesson has lots more material than the first two. It's also a little more complicated. I'll update you more on Sunday............
But this is how it makes me feel!

New writing contest

2008-02-20T13:59:00.000-08:00

Jason Evans has started his newest contest based upon another wonderful photograph. It's his eighth and is called "Whispers". Be sure to enter and if you can't enter - read the entries because there are usually some terrific ones there. Deadline is Wednesday the 27th.

Good luck!

Purpose of character building

2008-02-17T20:25:00.000-08:00

The purpose of this lesson was to make me think about my characters as multi-dimensional people. It certainly accomplished that. A character isn’t a physical description or a bunch of emotions and traits that can apply to anyone. They have to be an individual that other people can relate to and care about.

The 250 word maximum forces me to focus on the big ticket items; what they want desperately, what they fear most and what makes them memorable. My profiles fell short in those areas. I know the answers to those 3 questions.

Anne desperately wants to connect emotionally with other people and stop pushing them away, fears being a failure and ending up alone therefore fulfilling her parent’s assessment of her, and has an uncanny ability to identify and solve problems. She has a quick wit and can find the humor in any situation.

Tim wants desperately to find someone to love who doesn’t want to change him, fears spending his retirement alone in front of the TV eating take out and being fixed up with every single woman in town and is a par golfer who always has his clubs with him and was the town hula hoop champion in his teens.

There’s a lot more to say about them and the reasons they are this way but if I have to boil it down to the big 3, there they are. I’m working on expanding the profiles and creating secondary character profiles. I’m also defining my settings and trying to keep Josephine Damian’s advice about the 3 act structure in mind.

What’s exciting is that as I do this the story is beginning to shape itself. Things flow naturally from certain characters and settings. I’m not ready to sit down and bang out the manuscript yet, but when the time comes I think it’ll be easier to do because I won’t be stumbling on minor decisions that might impede my progress.

I think of this as my story’s GPS system. Even if I get off course it will quickly bring me back.

My characters

2008-02-14T11:39:00.000-08:00

It was really hard to do complete profiles of characters in 250 words. Here's what I submitted.

Anne Powell is 52 years old, 5’8” tall and of average build. Her light brown hair is beginning to welcome some gray strands to the mix and she considers her forming wrinkles badges of honor for a life well lived. Her grey eyes often look blue or green depending on what color she wears but they are always expressive despite her otherwise poker face. She walks two miles daily weather permitting. She’s frugally stylish.

Anne never married although she came close 4 different times. Her commitment issues stem from her parents nasty divorce during her childhood. She was a shy child and is still somewhat reserved until you get to know her. Her wicked sense of humor and frustrated desire to be an actress make her fun to be around and she has many friends and acquaintances.

Anne is quietly intelligent and despite her master’s degree, a battle with cancer caused her to rethink her priorities and she is now the executive assistant to the president of a large real estate company owned by a private family. She takes no crap from anyone but, because of her background in psychology, she is the office mother.

She has owned a fixer home for 12 years and lives comfortably with her semi-spoiled dog Belle. She is aggressively saving for her retirement and is financially sound. She is active in a local social organization and never bored. Anne is a natural leader although a somewhat reluctant one and she values her privacy.

Tim Gardner is 55, 6’0 tall and has a few extra pounds. His once dark brown hair is now mostly grey and his blue eyes sparkle with mischief. Thanks to his sisters and daughter he dresses well but usually exercise is walking to the mailbox or changing TV without the remote.

He’s outgoing and charming but his two divorces have made him wary of relationships so he spends his free time with friends and family including his son, two daughters and three grandchildren who think he’s God. Occasionally he forgets his age and decreased fitness by participating in football and soccer games after which heating pads and ibuprofen are required.

Tim has been a detective with the local police for 30 years – his first job out of college. He is serious and meticulous in what he does and has a reputation as a tough person to fool. The town of 50,000 doesn’t provide much opportunity to test his skills, but he enjoys his work.

Tim lives in a condo purchased 10 years ago after his last divorce. A maid service cleans every two weeks and little is done in between except loading the dishwasher. He usually eats out and his three sisters take turns doing his laundry. He could do it himself, but the system is working for him and so he takes advantage of it. Tim is involved in a local social organization and occasionally feels bored and restless.

Here's what my instructor said:

The purpose of this assignment is to give you the opportunity to think about how it is that characters are created so as to engage readers in their adventures. Readers are not interested in bland characters, so you want to try to come up with both external and internal traits that will cause readers to find them fascinating.

You’ve used some vivid details to describe Anne Powell; light brown hair with a little gray, grey eyes, walks two miles per day, stylish. She has never married but is she dating anyone? I’m wondering about her background in psychology, why with that, she ended up president of a real estate company. I’m not finding much in this profile that is really grabbing me. I’m not sure if you saw the three things in Lecture Hall that I’d be looking for in your profiles because I’m not seeing them here. Readers connect with characters who want something—desperately. What is it that Anne wants? Another thing readers connect with is a character’s fears—what does Anne most fear? Go underneath Anne’s surface—what’s there? The quirks, the passions, the longings, the dreams. What will make Anne memorable to the reader? You want to create a character your reader won’t forget.

I feel the same way about Tim—that he needs something to take him over the top and make him interesting. It’s up to you as the writer to find the traits in each of your characters that will bring your reader in and make her care about what concerns your characters in their stories. When you think about Tim’s appearance, can you give him something noticeable? A birth mark, scar, tattoo that will cause the reader to recognize him? What was outrageous about either of his divorces? What’s different about Tim as a detective? And I want you to ponder the same three questions that I asked you about Anne; what does Tim want—desperately? What is Tim’s biggest fear—both external and internal? What will make Tim memorable? Why are we going to care about this character?

She's right about all this, but how do you do it in only 250 words? I'm a little frustrated right now.

Thoughts on building characters

2008-02-11T19:46:00.000-08:00

Lesson 2 in my class is about building characters. After reading all my assignments twice, here are are some thoughts for you.

First, which comes first – the characters or the plot? Several readings suggested it’s easier to develop the characters first and let them lead you to the plot rather than trying to fit characters into an already developed plot.

So you start by describing your primary character. You begin with a physical description – height, weight, eye color, hair color, build, health, voice, scars, birthmarks, clothes, shoes, hairstyle, glasses/contact lenses, etc. Write it all out on a piece of paper to keep near you as you write so on page 220 you don’t talk about the scar on the left arm that started out on the right arm on page 60. (Believe it or not, there are geeks like me who will notice.)

Once you have a good physical description of your character it’s time to add another dimension. What do they do for a living? How much money do they make/have? What kind of car do they drive? What is their home like – own, rent, square feet, bedrooms, bathrooms, colors? What pets do they have?

Now you’re starting to make your character multi-dimensional and adding interest. Next you need to provide them with some personal characteristics. What are their goals? What motivates them? What’s their primary attitude and does it vary greatly? Do they have any strange or annoying habits or mannerisms? What irritates them? What sports do they like and hobbies do they have? Are they are reader? If so, what do they read – books, magazines, newspapers? Do they like movies? What kind? How about music? Are they emotional and is this consistent with the portrait you’ve drawn so far? Do they belong to any organizations? What are their political beliefs?

To finish off your description, you need to give them a background. Where were they born? Who were their parents and were they good parents? What was their situation like growing up? Do they have siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, children, spouse/lover, exes? What kind of education do they have and what is their job history?

Is this a lot or maybe even too much? You may not give all this information to your readers or you may offer it to them gradually, but if this is the primary character in your story, it’s important for you as a writer to know and understand them better than anyone. If you’re totally knowledgeable about them, writing their story will be easy for you.

Other things to consider; they should be consistent, strong enough to maintain interest and keep things moving, complex, not stereotypical, and sincere. If you do all these things, the plot will naturally flow from the characters. When you reach a plateau you can ask yourself, what would X do in this situation? What would they say? How would they feel?

Now decide what people surround your main character and develop profiles for them. The level of detail can vary based on their importance to the main character and to the story but again, the more you know about them, the easier they are to write.

If you have a great idea for a setting, you can start to develop your characters by first asking yourself who would live, work or play there and how will the setting affect them. How does the character interact with the setting? Once you determine those things you can begin to develop your profiles.

Our assignment this week was: Write "profiles" of two characters, preferably characters whose traits would provide conflict if they were placed in opposition to each other in a story. Be sure to include internal as well as external markers. (maximum 250 words each)

Armed with all the information gleaned from the reading assignments, I quickly discovered that 250 words are totally inadequate to create a truly complete profile. It took me 471 words above just to describe how to create the profile.

The profiles I created stayed within the limits, but if I use these characters in my book their profiles will be greatly expanded. After all the reading, I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface of these two people. I'll post them later and when my instructor comments that will be posted also.

Prior to taking this course and reading all this, I probably wouldn't have taken the time to really flesh out my characters.

A little learning can be a good thing.

What do you think?

Final comments on Setting and a little humor to pull you through the weekend

2008-02-09T11:36:00.001-08:00

Here are some final thoughts on setting that I pulled together from various readings. At the end is a suggested exercise from one of the sources. It's a great way to test yourself. Anyone brave enough to post an exercise here will be rewarded with lots of nice critiques and cyber hugs. No nastiness on this blog. Also, at the end is a link to one of the funniest videos I've seen in a long time. Hope you enjoy it!

Over-describing is tempting because scene description is an opportunity to show off your prose skills through lengthy, elaborate, metaphor-strewn descriptions.

Think of setting as being comparable to a play's set. Most of the time a stage play uses set design to imply the larger setting. The false fronts of buildings, even the elaborate interiors may be realistic, but the audience never mistakes them for real.

Clumping occurs when a writer unloads the entire description at once. The momentum of the scene grinds to a halt while the reader endures paragraph after paragraph of description. To avoid clumping, two things have to happen. First, you have to decide whether all that information is crucial to the scene; does it enhance the scene or are you just showing off? Second, it is usually better to dole out these descriptive details throughout a scene, between more active moments.

So, to avoid clumping, pick the most telling details, find the right place in the scene to give them to the reader, and remember you don't have to give everything at once.

Anytime you see a passage of description that is so poetic and involving that the reader might be tempted to stop to admire the author (you)—cut it. You've just intruded into the story to take a bow, thereby smothering your own creation.

Read through your manuscript once circling all the words that could be stronger. Then go back and take your time replacing them. Do not rely on a thesaurus; many times you'll just be replacing one dull word for a more complex and even duller word.

Setting can be creatively exploited to advance your plot or illustrate a theme of your story.

As metaphor for the story's theme or the characters' moods and feelings.
As a plot device.To contribute to the developing story.
To trigger flashbacks or character introspection.

Exercises:
1. Start a "setting" journal. Begin looking at the world around you with a writer's eye. Make observations about everyday details, such as weather, topography, flora and fauna. But also make note of emotional connections, unusual metaphors, descriptive phrases, sensory responses, etc--anything and everything you observe and experience can be used in your fiction at some point. Start researching foreign or historical settings of interest to you and note your findings in your journal. Keep track of resources such as reference books, articles, websites, etc. for additional follow-up. If your setting research sparks any story or character ideas, be sure to note those as well.

2. From memory, write a descriptive paragraph of a room in your house (or at work, or someone else's house). Once you've finished, take your paragraph to that room and read it, comparing your description with what you see. What changes would you make?

3. Every room has a personality, every room gives off some sort of emotional intensity. A living room may be sterile and make a visitor feel unwelcome. A bedroom might be excessively frilly and make a visitor feel smothered. With that in mind, go to any room in your house. Just as if that room were a character, select the one object in that room that best conveys the room's personality. Describe that object in such a way that the reader feels the emotional effect of that room.

When you're done, enjoy a laugh here: http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-walt-babyboomers-blurb,0,1036393.blurb

Instructor's feedback on setting

2008-02-06T11:52:00.000-08:00

Here's what my instructor said about my submission:

We’ll be studying many of the elements of fiction in this course, but in this one, we’re looking at setting, how you integrate the details into the setting, and how you reveal your character interacting with the setting.

We meet up with Anne as she moves up the wide stone steps and into the old brick building. You show us the fading sunset. You’re doing great integrating the details into the setting so far. We see the rich dark wood and the thick brocade curtains. Once she turns on the lights, she sees the tables decorated with the red plastic cloths and the colorful Styrofoam hearts and curly ribbon. There’s the crepe paper ribbons and balloons. Very vivid.

Even when the dialogue starts, you use setting details—the creaking overhead. You want to appeal to as many of the reader’s senses as you can. You’ve shown us many of the physical items in this setting, and we can hear the creaking. What about smells? Does this old building smell at all? What can we reach out and touch?

This is exactly what we’re after in this scene. You’ve dropped your reader right into the middle of the setting with your character so that she can experience what they’re experiencing.

Those of you who mentioned the smell and touch thing were spot on and my revisions will reflect this, but I feel pretty good about it even though I discovered there were about 20 more pages of homework reading I didn't do because I neglected to click on the little button at the top of the page that listed the supplemental reading. OOPS! I printed it out and intend to read it tonight before beginning the next section - Character Building. Hope that doesn't have anything to do with me personally. I think I'm enough of a character as is.

I got an award!

2008-02-05T16:03:00.001-08:00

I was sitting around twiddling my thumbs and waiting for word from my instructor on my submission when Liane Spicer aka Wordtryst gave me an award. This is so cool!

I really love blogland because I’ve met some really interesting people here. I’m a much better writer than before and have learned so much. Plus it’s fun! Now I’m being awarded for blogging. Thank you a million times Liane. I’m truly honored.

I’m supposed to pass this along to 10 others. How can I possibly choose only 10? There are so many bloggers who deserve it. Please don’t be offended if I don’t pick you.

I want to award it to everyone on my “Places I like to go” list because they all deserve it otherwise they wouldn’t be on my list, but here are 10 in no particular order. I award this to Writerkat, Maddy McEwen, Mary Witzl, Ellen Oh, Demon Hunter, Christine Eldin, Tree, Stephen Parrish, Jason Evans and Aine, and Maya Reynolds.

Enjoy the award and pass it on to 10 more deserving bloggers.

Thanks again, Liane!

Lesson 1 – Setting

2008-02-03T12:45:00.000-08:00

Our first lesson in my writing class is focused on setting. It deals with setting in relation to the general mood of the story, to the plot, and to the theme.

There is also an emphasis on description and how much is too much. They talk about the 2 most common mistakes: over-describing and clumping. Over-describing is basically using too many adjectives, characteristics or metaphors to describe something. It’s like saying when the large, corpulent, double-chinned, behemoth soprano warbles the melodic operatic aria instead of saying when the fat lady sings. Too many of the first type of description can slow down the story.

Clumping is giving the whole description at once – not leaving any information for later. It may not be over-describing but it can stop a story. It’s like taking 3 pages to describe an overstuffed leather sofa by describing where and how it was manufactured, shipped, sold and transported to the site – all in great detail instead of just saying there’s an overstuffed leather sofa in the room.

(Please note that I’m paraphrasing here. This is by no means a complete synopsis of the class. If you want that you need to pay the money and take it yourself.)

We had to read 2 ½ chapters in our book, the online lecture and then complete the assignment which is: write a scene where setting is predominant. There are 14 of us in the class and our work is posted for all of us to see and comment. It’s really interesting to read and now we all await our instructor’s comments on our work. Here is my submission:

“Damn,” she thought, “first one here again. I need to stop being so punctual.”

The wide stone steps, rounded by the thousands of feet scurrying up and down them for the last 150 years, led her into the beautiful old brick building. The fading sunset glowed against the windows casting mischievous shadows inside.

Anne shivered as she unlocked the door. Even after 40 years of attending events here, the darkened interior still gave her the creeps. She was familiar with every inch of the upper two stories and the basement but being alone made her uneasy. As she flipped on the lights, the old place warmed to her presence.

The center was one of the largest buildings in town. Once used exclusively for Masonic groups, due to rising costs it was now rented out to others for meetings and functions. It hadn’t lost its sense of purpose and the rich dark woods and thick brocade curtains created a sense of formality

She turned on the lights in the main floor dining hall and was pleased to see the tables already set with festive decorations for the pre-meeting meal. Red plastic cloths held white dishes and large pink, red and white Styrofoam hearts danced on a sea of curly ribbon in the middle of each table. Crepe paper ribbons and balloons adorned the walls and a sign saying “Happy VD” was taped over the podium. Anne laughed and made a mental note to have the sign changed before some of the older members arrived.

Overhead she heard a floorboard creak. Thinking it odd, she went to the bottom of the stairs and called, “Who’s there? Is someone up there?” There was no response but the big front door opened and Anne was relieved to see Helen and Jean enter.

“Which one of you is responsible for the sign?” she said.

Helen blushed and Jean looked innocently up at the ceiling. “Well whoever did it needs to change it before the rest of the group arrives.”

“You don’t like it?” Helen said.

“I love it, but something tells me a few of our members won’t appreciate your sense of humor.”

The floorboard creaked overhead again and all three women looked at the ceiling.

“Is someone here with you?” said Jean.

“No. I heard that same noise just before you came in, but no one answered when I called. Maybe we should go upstairs and check it out.”

“Not on your life,” said Jean. “The men will be here soon. They can go up there.”

“Don’t be such a sissy,” said Helen. “Let’s go see what’s going on. It’s probably just the old building making noises anyway.”

“Well, you two can go, but I’m staying here,” said Jean.

Anne and Helen started towards the wide old stairs covered with the worn burgundy runners. As they started to ascend, Helen sat down on the third step and said, “Maybe we should wait.”

So, what do you think? Can you visualize this setting? Did I over-describe or clump? Any feedback is welcome.

Unwelcome Surprises

2008-01-31T14:12:00.000-08:00

Ello, you especially should appreciate this.

I was exhausted by bedtime last night. My homework for the writing class was progressing nicely and I was tired from a long day, so sleep came quickly. Normally I get up a couple of times a night to go to the bathroom – it’s an old person thing, something you can all look forward to. Last night my bladder held firm, however…..

About 2:30 this morning I awoke to the vilest, most vitriolic odor imaginable. It was so overwhelmingly disgusting I thought the enemy was using chemical warfare on me. In my dazed and confused state, I stumbled out of bed and headed for the stairs. As I got farther away from my bedroom, the odor abated noticeably. It didn’t go away, it just wasn’t stinging my lungs and making my eyes and nose water anymore.

Stupidly, I ventured back towards the bedroom only to be accosted by the foul stench again. It suddenly dawned on me that the source of this malodorous assault was staring at me from atop my covers with her tail wagging. Belle!

I have mentioned her room clearing farting ability in the past, but this one was like the nuclear bomb of all flatulence. I raced for the can of room deodorizer and sprayed it liberally throughout the house because the whole place reeked by then. I also opened some windows even though it was freezing outside.

In my partially awake state, I finally realized the stench was still there, sprayed another layer of deodorizer throughout the place and stuck my head out my sliding glass door gulping in the fresh, icy air.

A full fifteen minutes after my rude awakening, with the perpetrator constantly at my side as if we were on a big adventure, the house no longer smelled like sulfuric acid, methane and feces. Belle went outside and left a stink bomb on the lawn to scare away all the creatures of the night and I promptly gave her ½ a pepto-bismal tablet to tame whatever was happening inside her little gut.

It took another hour to return to sleep – partially because of all the cold air I inhaled and partially for fear of another surprise attack. Since she likes to sleep with her butt next to my face, this is a valid concern. Meanwhile, she slept soundly.

It’s a good thing I love my dog.

Writing class update

2008-01-29T18:08:00.000-08:00

I enrolled in a class - a basic class in writing fiction . I was really waffling on which class to take when an e-mail arrived offering a $25 discount if I signed up before the end of the month. I decided that was a sign and immediately enrolled.

The class actually started last Thursday, but they allowed enrollment until tomorrow and since I purchased the textbook about a month ago, I'm ready to go. Each topic lasts 2 weeks, so I'll be a little behind but believe it will be possible to catch up quickly.

I like non-fiction and writing about life in general, but really don't have a good grasp on how to write fiction. I'm not even sure it's what I want to do and hope this class will help determine if fiction is right for me or if I should stick to non-fiction. Either way, it should help me become a better and more organized writer.

As the class progresses, I'll keep you updated. Wish me luck!

Daffynitions

2008-01-29T08:36:00.000-08:00

Electile Dysfunction : the inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party in an election year.

I had company over the weekend and haven't had time to be on the computer. Still don't know what to do about classes.

Dazed and confused.

Online writing classes

2008-01-24T12:18:00.000-08:00

I've been researching some online writing classes and am ready to sign up for a good basic class. Although I pretend to write brilliantly and know the craft well, in truth I'm just a bumbling novice with scattered thoughts and methods. I need help.

So, I'm asking anyone out there who's taken an online class, or knows someone who has, to make some recommendations or give me some suggestions.

HELP!

Explanations for my "foreign" readers

2008-01-23T10:47:00.000-08:00

In the comments section of my last post, I found this:

Maddy said...
You worry me. For the benefit of your foreign readers would you be kind enough to consider translating 'grits' which sounds highly unpleasant especially if you're planning to eat it, as well as 'peeps' which sounds like 'people' and I wouldn't like any of your readers to leave with the impression that you are a cannibal.....are you?

Cheers

Maddy is one of my favorite stops in blogland. She often leaves me laughing to the point of tears. She describes herself as, "Ex-pat from the UK. Middle aged, bifocaled and technically challenged. My Significant Other and I currently enjoy fragile custody of 3 minors and a major, two girls, two boys, two with blue eyes, two with brown eyes, two with autism, two without."

So at her request, and for all you other foreigners out there avidly reading my blog I shall translate grits and peeps.

Grits

According to Wikipedia, Grits is a type of corn porridge and a food common in the Southern United States consisting of coarsely ground corn. This is similar to many other thick maize-based porridges from around the world such as polenta It also has a lesser resemblance to farina, a thinner porridge.

When you grind corn, the coarse grind is grits and the fine grind is corn meal like that used for corn bread.

They are commonly eaten at breakfast - especially in the South. My mother was from North Carolina and we ate all things Southern growing up. To this day I never tire of grits and corn bread with tons of butter.

Peeps

Wikipedia says:

PEEPS® Brand Candies are small marshmallow candies, sold in the United States, which are shaped into baby chickens, rabbits, and other animals. There are also different shapes used for various holidays. PEEPS® are primarily used to fill Easter baskets, although the Just Born company is trying to change that by introducing new shapes and advertising "PEEPS® - Always in Season". They are made from marshmallow, sugar, gelatin, and carnauba wax.

You can purchase Peeps everywhere - drugstores, supermarkets, Target, etc. When you first buy them they're all squooshy - like eating a marshmallow. They're okay that way, but I prefer to open the package and let them harden for a month or several. We're just finishing the last package from Easter right now and they are perfectly cured.

So Maddy, I hope that gives you enough explanation to ease your mind a bit. I am not now nor have I ever been a cannibal.

Any other American oddities you're wondering about?

I've been tagged!

2008-01-22T15:04:00.000-08:00

I used to like Maya Reynolds, but then she tagged me to reveal six random things about myself, and then to tag six others.Here are the rules

Link to the person that tagged you
Post the rules on your blog
Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself
Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs
Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website

So, I followed rule one and linked to that Bad Girl.

I followed rule two and posted the rules.

To follow rule three, here are 6 random things about me:

1. I'm allergic to cats so inevitably if there are cats around when I go somewhere, they chase me around like catnip and rub themselves all over me. I always knew they were evil.

2. I love stale Peeps. The woman who sits in the cubicle across the aisle from me at work has the same passion. We buy mass quantities during prime Peeps buying seasons, open them up and let them "cure" until they're nice and hard. It's almost like eating pure sugar. By the way, did you know that if you put Peeps in the Microwave they expand incredibly?

3. One of my Master's degrees has an emphasis in statistics and research methodology. That's right - I'm a dork. My other one has an emphasis in psycholgy so I'm an analytical dork. I can figure out what's wrong with you and find an infinite number of ways to prove it.

4. I was born at 3:33 on 10/10 and I'm a Libra so I'm very well balanced - except when I'm not.

5. I love grits with butter, salt and pepper. People who eat them with sugar are just weird.

6. I've given speeches and sung in front of up to 1,500 people.

Okay, so I followed the first 3 rules, but here's another random thing about me - I like to break the rules. So I'm not tagging 6 people. Instead I'm challenging anyone who wants to to post a random fact about them in the comments, or to follow the rules and post them on your blog and let us know in the comments that you did.

So..........

What's the point?

2008-01-22T14:48:00.000-08:00

A friend e-mailed this to me and it seemed like a good thing to share.

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of Miss America.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

None of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are not second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

Did you get the point? Did you?

Evil Editors and Pitch Ideas – Round 2

2008-01-21T10:57:00.000-08:00

Don't forget Church Lady is hosting an Evil Editor extravaganza on her blog this Thursday with an appearance by the curmudgeonly guy promised as bait to draw us in. Here's what I think he looks like.

Hey, I may need him someday!

What a weekend! After 5 serene, relaxing days at home, I spent the weekend on the go nonstop. My cult really kept me busy so I’m way behind in blogland.

Thank you to everyone who commented on the pitch ideas. Now I’m even more befuddled than before. Perhaps if I give you more information about the protagonist it will clarify the stories.

Meet Annie Powell – a 50ish woman. She’s practical and down to earth with a dry sense of humor and an innate ability to solve puzzles and find solutions to problems. She’s the person everyone turns to when they need assistance or advice which makes her the perfect executive assistant to the owner of the Active Seniors Retirement Corporation (ASRC).

She’s tall and average size (at least according to the latest fashion magazines), dresses well but never pays full price for anything. Exercise is important to her, but she’s not a fanatic and her diet frequently includes chocolate and hamburgers.

Annie belongs to a social organization she lovingly refers to as her cult. The members of Peony Chapter are dear to her and, since many of them are older, she has plenty of mothers to give her unwanted advice. There are men in her chapter, but the women rule the roost.

Though she had several opportunities, Annie never married and this is a source of constant worry for her friends and family. The happier Annie is alone, the unhappier everyone else is.

The offices of ASRC are on the top floor of huge, old high school that was converted several years ago to a senior retirement community. This provides Annie lots of opportunities to interact with the residents and staff.

So, knowing more about my protagonist, do either one of the pitch ideas stand out?