This is a slow day at work so I thought you might enjoy sharing the contents of my junk e-mail box. There are only 107 items in there right now. I deleted about 500 last Thursday night, so it’s still recovering.
Lots of people want to give me some training. Do they know something about my current work situation that I don’t?
There are 8 offers for medical transcription programs promising me a bright future and I can start today, work from home and do easy work for great pay. Or I can accept one of the 5 offers to do medical billing. My rewarding career can begin with a nursing degree, or I can take up any one of the 6 current offers for x-ray technician training. If I want to be on the periphery of the medical industry, there are several offers to work in a relaxing environment as a massage therapist or I can take advantage of a wide range of job opportunities in health and wellness centers and spas and resorts.
If I want to stay away from the medical field, Kaplan University is hotly pursuing me with opportunities to learn online while I work. I can become a CSI and get hands on training in forensics. Someone thinks my name is Wilhemina and wants me to know that Google has work available for me. I can even get grant funding from the government for all of these things.
The casting department is looking for actors and movie extras in my area. I always did want to be a star! Helen wants to help me upgrade my skills and advance my career. Janet tells me that local home-workers are needed and Jenny and Denise have information about data-entry positions. Or, I can go to Psychology School! Perhaps the message here is that I need to suck-up to my current bosses a little more.
I’m thrilled to report that I’ve been selected for several Wal-Mart cards and at least 2 Exxon gas cards. Or, even better, a $500 dollar Target gift card. The Wall Street Journal has sent a limited time offer. Dish Network wants to give me 100 channels for only $29.99 per month including HBO a DVR and no cost installation.
Captiva wants to pamper my skin and remove the stretch marks. (Good luck with that one! How many barrels do I get?)
The Acai Berry Association, AHA, American Diet Institute, Janice and Marisa all want to let me know that Acai has been voted 2008 superfood of the year. But does it taste good with chocolate?
My credit score seems to be of great concern. 3-in-1 Credit Report, Credit Report Adviser, Credit Report Center, Credit Security Notice and Credit Report Time all want to assist me in this area.
Aha and the American Diet Institute want to reveal celebrity body secrets to me and WuYiTea is willing to let me know what celebrities know about them. Obviously they know how concerned I am about how celebrities stay so emaciated and artificial looking.
The American Diet Institute and the American Health Association want me to flush up to 50 lbs. Is that 50 lbs of fat or marijuana?
Amy has sent several e-mails about the average US auto insurance rates. Alexandria wants to know why I pay more for my remedys. (Her spelling) Branda has pain remedys (her spelling) at low cost. Damon is offering wholesale prices on all health related items. Pfizer discount is offering a private renewal. (Of what?) In case I have it, both Ringing in Ears and Tinnitus Relief are offering a formula to Stop the Buzz! And, Lorie is offering to ship generic brand remedys quickly and discreetly to my front door.
Approved Auto Loan wants my drivers license for final approval on a loan I don’t know about. Barbain Network will help me find foreclosed homes from 10,000. (They don’t say 10,000 what.)
Car Loan Credit Waiver wants people with the WORST credit possible. (I'm feeling depressed here!) Fuel Solution has a secret to saving me 70 cents per gallon on gas. Funds Available has sent several e-mails about a cash/credit transfer I didn’t make. Truly Affordable Coverage wants to help with my health insurance with instant quotes and expert service. Vacation Flight Card wants to give me a getaway trip for 2. (Do they provide the second person? Do I have a choice among contenders?)
Several people are trying to find me – at least according to Finding People, Person Locator and Reuniting People. Consuelo wants to discuss Next Month with me and Edmond is giving me his phone number in case I need to get hold of him.
And last but certainly not least; Viagra @ genuine Shop wants me to have greater male volume and power and Gustavo Coley wants me to get a bigger penis.
Does that penis come with a man, Gustavo? Do I get to pick him out? I have a list of requirements I can e-mail to you.