Wednesday, September 3, 2008


I apologize for the lack of posts lately, but I'm busier than that one-armed paperhanger we all hear about. To prevent you from abandoning me completely, here's a little something that made me snort.

Fall Classes for Men at
by Friday, September 12th 2008

Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--S
tep by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--
Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5 Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Scientific proof against this theory.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6 Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Support Groups with hotline available to participants.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7 Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
An entertaining presentation with moderated discussion--bring paper and pen for notes.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8 Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Power Point Presentation.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--
Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11 Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14 The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.


Robin said...

Anti, this hilarious! The part about not peeing on the toilet seat feels particularly poignant to me at this moment.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

LOL! I'm heartened by their optimism that there will actually be any survivors!

Travis Erwin said...

Maybe the survivors can hook up witht he women who make it through ...

Sex, it won't kill you.

How to stay out of the mall when you don't really need a damn thing.

ESPN is your friend - sportscenter something to watch when you're sick of crying over the Lifetime channel.

The Science of Body Gas - Why it is vital to not hold it in.

PBW said...

I can't stop laughing!

Uh... do they happen to offer a refresher course on Class 3????

Mary Witzl said...

Sweet, Anti-wife! My husband could just about crack intermediate in this course, I believe. He's great with the toilet seat, but challenged with the laundry basket and toilet paper replenishment, and only reluctantly gives up the RCD. Still, he can ask for directions now with the best of them! You ought to see it: he's ever so proud of himself.

Mary Witzl said...

Ooh -- I've just read Travis's comment! Cool: I'm an intermediate too!

Ello said...

Just so you know DA Man is in dire need of class 4 and 7. Dire need. Please let me sign him up!!!!

Ha HA HA!!! Travis you kill me!

Stephen Parrish said...

An addition to Travis's list:

Elementary Arithmetic for Women: 25% off a pair of $200 shoes doesn't mean you saved $50, it means you spent $150.

I thought ice cube trays refilled themselves!

wordtryst said...


Britta Coleman said...

As a mother to a teenage boy, I especially appreciate the topic for class 3. Is it possible to enroll minors?

Polly Kahl said...

This is one for the refridgerator. I live with a hubby and two teenage sons. Need I say more?