The Kid (aka my 50 year old baby sister) called me to ask if I was okay because of my post about the crisis of confidence. Isn’t she a great sister! Anyway, yes I am but somehow during the discussion we started talking about our mother.
Our mother is a perfectly nice person, very smart, independent and well liked. She appeared to be a good mother to our older sister but somehow Kid and I weren’t privy to that. Maybe she and dad were already having problems by the time we came around but the mom who greeted us seemed rather cold and distant. The warmth of a mother’s love was missing. All the physical trappings were there and outward appearances were maintained until she discovered dad with his secretary. Then all hell broke loose.
After that she stayed on the cross and was a very unpleasant person to live with most of the time. Because of that I never really got to know her and that’s rather sad. She had a fairly interesting life as one of the first WAC’s in WWII, Captain in the Army, college professor, etc. She won awards and was honored several times. Articles have been written about her. She did a TV commercial and wrote a textbook.
But Kid and I really don’t know her. She chased us away. I was wondering if I should make more of an effort and Kid told me she actually did make an effort to get to know mom better a couple of years ago. She spent some time at mom’s house helping her with some projects and talking to her. From our conversations, it sounds like it helped her understand more of why mom is the way she is, but it didn’t ease the pain, anger and frustration.
So I question what I hope to achieve. I know so many people who adore their mothers and love being around them and in my fantasy we would finally bond and develop this idealistic relationship. But the truth is spending time with her is painful for me. Perhaps knowing her background would allow me to understand her motivations, but I’m not sure it would make anything better. She’s 2,500 miles and 3 time zones away. She’ll be 87 soon.
I’m comfortable with the way things are now. I have a happy and peaceful life here. Somehow my reasons for going don’t outweigh my reasons for staying yet.
What would you do?