Sunday, September 2, 2007

Much better now!

My mood is much better now. The funk and fog are going away and I’m once again centered right here in my own little piece of paradise. Several things happened all at once to send me on my downward spiral. What they were is not important. How I reacted is.

In the past when I was thrown off balance by those massive waves from the ocean of life I would struggle to maintain my self control and refuse to give in and admit sometimes life just sucks. But the truth is, SOMETIMES LIFE JUST SUCKS! Every single day of our lives cannot be perfect – unless you’re delusional or on really good drugs. The more I struggled against the waves, the more they would drag me under.

I finally realized that by letting go and not fighting to maintain that image of “okayness”, the process of coming back to the top was shortened dramatically. If I allow myself to just feel the sadness, unhappiness, anger, frustration or whatever the emotion du jour is, I recover much quicker.

So I spent the last few days being morose and feeling sorry for myself and today I feel better. I’m not so overwhelmed. I didn’t struggle. I experienced life. Life isn’t perfect and there are still some things I’m not happy about, but I’m moving on. I can handle whatever emerges.

The best thing about this episode is how aware I was of my emotions and how often I realized this awareness can be applied to my writing. So not only do I feel better, but I learned something in the process that can improve me.

Sometimes life doesn’t suck!

8 comments:

Church Lady said...

I think writers as a group are much more sensitive and emotional than the 'average' person. May I say that? I do think it's true.

I go through those periods, and they used to be pretty bad. But I've found that when I'm in great spirits, I try to find ways of connecting with people. When I have the energy, I try to set up pieces of my life where I'm interacting with people who share the same values as I do.

I have recently cut people out of my life who have been 'negative' in one way or another, but I haven't been willing to let go. It feels great.

I hope that when you're feeling strong, you can affect changes/additions to your life so that the lows won't feel as low.

I love reading your blog, and think you're such a nice and genuine person.

E-hugs coming at you!
:-)
Chris

Ello said...

Hey AW! You are absolutely right. Sometimes shit happens and it just puts you into a funk and you can't always go around putting a fake smile on. Sometimes you just need to wallow in it for a little and sometimes that's all you need to feel better. I like to throw things around, always makes me feel better.

Sorry you were in a funk but love how you got something positive about it. They say the best writers suffered depression or other great emotional upheaval. It is these emotional rollercoasters that brings color and emotion into their writing. It adds the beauty and reality. I know that I dont' want to read anything by a perpetually happy person. What could I possibly get from that? Need some angst!

But I'm glad you are feeling better!

kathie said...

Hey Anti--I'm sorry you had a tough few days, but glad you channeled some of the garbage into your work! I agree that letting yourself see the crap so you can then deal with it, let it wash away or whatever you need to do to get back on track is the best way to go. Great job.

The Anti-Wife said...

Chris,
I like reading your blog too. It's fun and very informative.

Ello,
Being down can actually be quite uplifting if you let it. Thanks.

Kathie,
There's no right way to go through these things, but I find if you fight them, they last longer. Better to just let them run their course for me.

Merry Jelinek said...

I think writers traditionally seem to feel depression more keenly because the job deals with tapping into emotion - if you can't empathize with your characters you can't make them real. I think the same rule applies to artists in other mediums; it's practically cliche to hear of brilliant artists with drug or depression problems.

I'm glad you found a way through it, and I think you're right - when you fight it or act like it's not there you never really address it. Kind of like mourning - if you don't go through it, it stays with you.

Maya Reynolds said...

AW: I understand blue funks. I was in the middle of a major one last week.

Sometimes all we can do is hold on until it passes. I tried counting my blessings instead of sheep and that probably helped more than anything else.

Glad you're feeling better. Thanks for the link to my blog. I've linked back to you.

Warmest regards,

Maya

The Anti-Wife said...

Merry,
Maybe that's why we need to write - to express all that emotion. Good point.

Maya,
I'm actually very blessed with a good job, good friends and a nice life. Sometimes I need to be reminded of that and these temporary moments of insanity seem to help restore my perspective.

wordtryst said...

I second church lady; a very nice, warm person comes through in your writing.

I've also found that it helps to not fight the down days. I just keep reminding myself that it's a cycle, and the upswing would follow. And counting your blessings helps to keep things in perspective.