Friday, February 29, 2008

Happy February 29th!

It’s leap day and since I’m waiting for my instructor to rip my latest submission apart I’m amusing myself looking through my junk mail box. Thought you might want to enjoy some of the latest and greatest offers sent my way.

Me (How did I send myself junk mail?) Re: MedHelp6018295504826. An offer for Cialis and Viagra.
Hey folks, first get me a man and then we’ll talk!

Adrienne Steele wants to sell me cheap Swiss made Rolex, Omega, Panerai, Chanel and asks, “Will you like it?”
Fat chance Adrienne. I can buy cheap stuff here and get exercise walking around the stores.

Derek Barron and Maxwell Glass are both offering HugeDiscountWatches (with no spaces).
Sorry boys. See reply to Adrienne above.

Brand Martin and Lilian Rocha are asking, “Do you want enlarge your penis?”
I’m a woman!

Samela at Box Software has another piece of useless software guaranteed to totally screw up my computer.

Dianne Buckner is sending me a pharmacy receipt for medicine I didn’t order.

Maryanne J. Hankins is offering my 88% off Swiss-made watches.
Perhaps I should forward her e-mail to Adrienne and they can compare their offers.

Authentic Cialis and Viagra are sending me a Client Notice:Limited Offer.
As I said above, man first!

Muskan.bhan @ webspace says, “The best of the anti-ed meds are here!”
And that’s where they’re going to stay, hon!

Command @ bankoestada tells me I won’t find high-quality meds at unbelievable low prices at my local chemist!
Maybe not, but at least Walgreens doesn’t sell cheap and potentially dangerous drugs over the internet.

Shoots @ avalonbay invites me to, “Enjoy your vacation. Girls will love you. We’ll take care of it.”
Okay, let me repeat; I’m a woman looking for a man.

Pfizer Web Solutions is sending me a personal notice.
Still not opening it.

Roosp @ hwy 65 says, “Girls love you becuase (his spelling) you order blue-pills and get pleasure!”
I am woman. Hear me roar!

Cialia/Viagra are offering me a private re-order.

Thorsteo @ aanada is offering me lab-tested SOMA to kill my pain.
I need it after reading all this other stuff.

And my favorite of this batch:
Wilburn Chan says, “I wanted the pure pleasure of having a 10 inch monster in my pants”.
Wilburn, you need to get out of the house more!

Happy Leap Day everyone! Have a great weekend.


Mary Witzl said...

Honestly, that last one really tickled me! You get better junk mail than I do, and mine is arguably pretty damn good. And I too get so tired of those anatomically impossible offers; you'd think having 'Mary' in my e-mail address might clue them in, but no.

Stephen Parrish said...

Tell Wilburn Chan there are disadvantages as well. Tell him I said so.

The Anti-Wife said...

"Anatomically impossible offers."
It does make you wonder doesn't it?

TMI!!!! I'll forward Wilburn's e-mail to you and you can discuss this with him in private.

Ello said...

Seriously, I get the penis enlargment one every single day. It's enough to make you doubt yourself!

Travis Erwin said...

Glad to hear others get these. With all the enhancement offers I was starting to get a complex.

WriterKat said...

I always wonder with the penis ones and viagra, we get tons per day. Why is this the main form of advertising? Surely they go straight into people's junk. Can they possibly be getting referrals?

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

LOL - I've been wanting to do a post like this for ages but I seem to spend too much time clearing out offers of viagra, a monster shlong and penis enlargements from my inbox. This might all be very well if I indeed had the requisite piece of equipment - but haven't they figured out I'm a woman!

ChristineEldin said...

I just forward them to my husband.

Happy March 2 as well!

Bernita said...

Happy Leap Day, AW!
Google had a little green leaping frog!

wordtryst said...

LOL! Stephen!

Ah, the lighter side of spam. Can't imagine anyone opening one of these things, but then I'm not a desperate man. Just desperate... :)