This assignment is about characterization, how you reveal who Anne is as a person through narration, dialogue and action.
In this first passage, it’s not just narration about Anne that we’re looking for, it’s narration that provides specific details of her appearance, her background or how she thinks about other characters, her life situation, her goals, etc. Much of this passage is you, the author, TELLING us about Anne, instead of getting into Anne’s head and letting her reveal herself to the reader. Our lecture addresses this. How about putting Anne in a scene and showing us her fashionable navy pants and her matching cardigan as she moves around the setting? Instead of TELLING us about her “hard emotional shell,” how about SHOWING us as she thinks about another character or a situation in her life? Again, instead of TELLING us about how she’s a reliable worker, SHOW us. This isn’t to be a profile, it’s to put Anne in a scene and let the narration come from inside of her as the viewpoint character. And when narrating, you want to focus on just one aspect of who a character is, the aspect that is relevant to the conflict in the scene that you’re developing.
In the dialogue study, what’s important is what Anne says and how she says it. What I see here right away is Anne’s courage. She’s not willing to act like a “girl,” waiting to be rescued by a “boy.” Her dialogue continues to speak of her courage until the end of the scene. She’s also able to tease her friend without putting her down. She doesn’t take things too seriously. What strikes me is that her heart IS beating wildly, and so she does have fear that she’s willing to feel but also to overcome as she moves into the musty room.
In the action scene, I’m looking for gestures, movements, mannerisms, facial expressions, not just meaningless action. Remember, this is about characterization. She needs the room to feel warm again, and so she turns on the lights. You mention her irritation as she finds items out of place. Would you say that her efforts to align the chairs is characteristic of her need to be organized? Is this significant? I want you to think consciously about Anne’s actions, so that we can begin to visualize this character.
I'm still trying to figure out what I did wrong based on the assignment. And once again, I feel......