Holy crab cakes, Aquaman!

I’m having a hard time thinking of anything witty or profound to say today.

I have a sign in my cubicle that says, “Please Lord keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.” I need to put it in a more prominent place so I can see it better, because this has the potential to be one of those days when my sarcasm could reach new heights.

Normally, when I’m in one of these moods, the woman who sits across from me and I will talk all day about the idiocy of many of our friends and co-workers. However, she and her husband had the nerve to take this week – THIS WEEK OF ALL WEEKS – off to go on a cruise to the Caribbean. So I am left alone to my own devices. I’m adrift in a sea of snarkiness.

Sometimes when I’m in one of these moods, I’ll go wander through a mall at lunchtime. I almost never buy anything, but it helps to take my mind off of all the stuff that’s creating the chaos in my life. However, today my car is in the shop for its annual maintenance, so I am wheel-less. Plus I know that since this is one of those “major” maintenance milestones it’s going to cost about $400. Ouch! ($556.14 to be exact. Damned "check engine" light! )

So I think I’ll go on Oprah’s website and read again about that “Secret” and then try to conjure up a villa in Tuscany with lots of wine, pasta and hot Italian men. I’ll let you know if it works.