Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Life in Spamalot!

E-mail spam is a pretty common thing these days. I usually don’t get any at home or on my internet accounts because of the great spam filters they have. However, I do get quite a bit at work and for the last month it has been relentless. Apparently our spam filter broke and our computer guys are having difficulty replacing it.

Now I’m not a techie, so this seems rather odd to me. When a filter on my furnace or coffee maker or vacuum cleaner or anything else needs to be changed, I change it. If I don’t have one, I go to the store and buy it. Why is this so hard? Granted, there are over 500 computers in 11 states in our company, but that’s why we hire these techno geeks – to take care of everything and make us happy. Anyway, they assure us that a new “solution” will soon be in place.

At first that made me really happy because every morning I have to clear about 50 spamails out of my box before I can even get started. I don’t even turn on my preview pane anymore because of all the pictures that were appearing in it. Not that I minded the pictures, but I just didn’t want anyone cruising past my cubicle and seeing a bunch of naked people on my computer. So now all I see is the subject line and some of them are pretty interesting.

Anyway, now that the spamail is going to start being filtered again (yea, right!), I find myself perusing the subject lines rather nostalgically. Knowing they will soon disappear from my everyday life, I find myself almost enjoying the last little bit of silliness they represent. So I’ll share with you some of the standouts from this morning’s crop.

I have several offers to enlarge my penis. Since I don’t have one this is going to be interesting. If anyone out there would like to enlarge theirs, I’ll be happy to forward this on to you.

There are several exclusive rates and special offers today. They don’t say what they’re for, but I’m sure most of them are fabulous, not to be missed type of stuff.

Apparently, all the mortgages and loans that I haven’t applied for have been approved. Wonder what I was planning on doing with all that money?

I also have several offers to cure me of the many diseases I didn’t realize I had. I really need to have an in depth conversation with my doctor to find out why she hasn’t caught any of these things in those annual torture sessions she calls physicals.

Viagra and Cialis seem to be very popular this morning. I really wish I had an old boyfriend so I could try some of this right now. From the subject lines, it sounds like screaming orgasms are just around the bend.

There are lots of special medications out there just waiting for me to click on the proper link. I’m a product of the 60’s and 70’s. I grew my own pot and had regular dealers for the other stuff. No way I’m buying from anyone I can’t see. It’s a personal thing!

Some I just don’t understand. What do kanab, flomot, kahuku, analomink, a burley, and before bunkie mean. If I can’t find it in the dictionary, I’m not clicking.

There are a couple of messages where people I don’t know have referred me to the senders. How do these people know me and why are they referring me to strangers? Scarey!

My favorite is, “Make your fat friends envy you”. What about my skinny friends? Shouldn’t they envy me too? I want all my friends to envy me – even the ones who are the same size. How do I accomplish that?

Anyway, reading these subject lines – often aloud to my co-workers and bosses because I like to share - has provided me hours of amusement. While I’ll be happy to not have to go through the daily deletion ritual, I will miss knowing that I can get all love enhancers on one portal.

1 comment:

kathie said...

"Apparently our spam filter (or fill in other computer related part) broke and our computer guys..." How many times do you think those words are spoken a day across the country. Sometimes I love the computer guys, but other times, they make me cry.