Saturday, July 14, 2007

Top 10 ways to know if Martha Stewart is stalking you dog.

10. There's potpourri hanging from his/her collar.

9. The dog's nails have been cut with pinking shears.

8. The dog toys are all stored in McCoy crocks.

7. The pooper scooper has been decorated with raffia bows.

6. That telltale lemon slice in the new silver water bowl.

5. You find liver and whole wheat dog treats stamped out with copper cookie cutters and decorated with royal icing using a #2 rosette tip.

4. Dog hair has been collected and put into wire baskets for nesting material for the birds.

3. A seasonally appropriate grapevine wreath adorns the front of your dog's crate.

2. Your dog goes outside naked and comes in wearing a thyme colored virgin wool hand-knitted sweater with matching boots.

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY YOU KNOW THAT MARTHA STEWART IS STALKING YOUR DOG IS...

1. The dog droppings in your backyard have been sculpted into swans.

Stay away from my dogs, Bitch!

5 comments:

Eileen said...

Yep, she's been stalking them alright. I'd keep an extra eye on those beautiful babies, can't be too careful with Martha Stewart around.
Your list gave me a good, needed laugh tonight. Thanks.

Merry Jelinek said...

She'd get tired of stalking my Dulcie - she's a three year old yellow lab... Martha would have lots of problems with the paw prints on her white linen pants and drool encrusted tennis balls, for to play...

I love the minnie mouse outfit, by the way.

ORION said...

I am SO jealous of the dragonfly pillow!

wordtryst said...

Okay, that was my first laugh of the day.

The Anti-Wife said...

Eileen,
I have a new security system set up just for her - several people positioned at various points around the yard covered in food stains carrying tuna casseroles. That should frighten her away.

Merry,
I wouldn't take any chances if I was you. You might want to implement my security system.

Orion,
Want one?

Wordtryst,
Nothing better than a good laugh to start the day.

Thanks for stopping by everyone!