Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Anxiety sets in!

(Current spam count = 252)

Anxiety: “Nervousness or agitation, often about something that is going to happen. A subject or concern that causes worry.”

I’m feeling anxious today. My editor e-mailed me to say that she would have the edit/critique of my second draft back to me early this week. It’s been 3 weeks and I haven’t even looked at the manuscript since I sent it to her. I’ve been trying to distance myself from it hoping to approach it from a fresh perspective. When I sent it to her, my brain was so oversaturated with the material that it had basically just stopped functioning.

I know there will be a 3rd and possibly 4th and 5th draft before it’s finally ready for submission. That might drive some people crazy, but this is the story of my life and as Miss Snark says, I only get one chance to tell it so I don’t want to f#@k it up. My editor had excellent suggestions last time and I’m totally willing to do whatever is necessary to create the best manuscript possible.

But it’s hard because one of the things I know she’s going to say is that I have to go deeper on some stuff. I’m going to have to reveal more of the pain and share more of the hurt and the stupid crap I did in my past. My 1st draft just glossed over all of that. The 2nd draft went pretty deep and it was much harder to write – thus the brain freeze. Now I have to rip off the Band-Aids and show the scars.

So, I’m excited to see what she has to say, but I’m anxious about revisiting some of those old memories again. Writing my memoirs has been an interesting experience – exhilarating, painful and cathartic.

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