Today I hid my portrait and signed out for the last time from the internet dating service that I so stupidly signed up for 6 months ago. No, I didn’t find the love of my life. In fact, I didn’t find anyone. I would request the guarantee for 6 more months free except for a couple of things.
First, I didn’t exactly follow the rules that would allow me to take advantage of this fabulous offer. Second, I don’t want another 6 months of this crap! Allow me to explain.
I swore off men a while ago because I am somewhat commitment phobic and have a couple of residual abandonment and intimacy issues from my childhood. I reasoned that the only way to resolve these issues was to distance myself from those who were creating the anxiety related stress in my life – men. Well, not men in general; just men with whom I had intimate relationships.
I have some really great men friends and don’t have problems with men at all until kissing and touching and sex become involved. It would take way too long to explain it to you here and it’s going to be in my book which you are all going to be anxious to read, so let’s just move on!
Anyway, about 7 months ago I mentioned to some friends that I might – just MIGHT – be ready to think about dating again. Of course they’re all in relationships – some less miserable than others – so they were all over me about this. Of all the suggestions I received, signing up for the internet dating service seemed to be the least innocuous and the one over which I would have the most control. Since they were threatening to do it for me, I decided to take matters into my own hands.
So I signed up and created a profile that was sincere if somewhat sarcastic – an honest portrait of me. There were no lies about looking for the love of my life or wanting to spend all of our time together. I just wanted someone to play with and bonk occasionally. I’m a simple person and I enjoy being alone sometimes. Okay, I enjoy it a lot of the time. I figured that anyone who read my profile and responded would know exactly what I wanted. RIGHT!
I’ve had hundreds of hits on my profile and lots of winks and e-mails. I have become intimate friends with the “no thanks” button and have deleted everyone. Most of these men are looking for the love of their life and can’t wait to spend all their free time getting to know me. ACK! I’ve read so much crap about long walks and intimate dinners in front of the fire; it makes me want to puke.
To get the free 6 months, I would have had to contact at least 5 people on the site every month. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. How pitiful am I? I couldn’t even find 5 people to e-mail every month out of thousands. I didn’t e-mail anyone.
So, no renewal for me and my portrait is safely hidden from view so no one will make the mistake of contacting me. Internet dating may be great for some people, but for me men are kind of like vegetables – I want to see first hand what I’m getting and check for bruises, punctures and scarring before throwing them into my cart. Or, maybe I’m just not quite ready to start dating again yet.