Walking through my house and myself.

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I walked through my house today with a pad of paper noting how every room in my house “felt”. I thought I would start there because I want to be comfortable in my home and in my life. For the most part, I am. However, like my brain, my home has spots that really seem to need some work. I spent about an hour just walking through all the rooms, looking in all the cabinets and trying to get a sense of what my house says about me.

So what did I learn? My house doesn’t really reflect me anymore. There are areas, like the living, dining and front guest rooms, that are comfortable, uncluttered and peaceful and they make me very happy. My own bedroom’s closet is like that too. It’s organized and everything is in its place. I like being in those rooms. They feel good. They feel like the person I’ve become.

There are other areas like the kitchen, laundry room, my bedroom, my family room/office that are organized, but they are full of temporary shelving and storage solutions. I have lots of steel shelving and metal drawers and most of them are on wheels. I used to be afraid of permanence, and in a constant state of unrest. I never believed I would be in any one place for very long, so I rarely bought anything that couldn’t be easily taken apart and transported. I’m in my 13th year here now. I think I can replace some of the temporary stuff now! It makes me feel restless and unsettled, and I’m not like that anymore.

Then there are a couple of real problem areas – my back guest room and my garage. They have both become repositories for all the stuff I just need to stash until I decide what to do with it. I used to have a really hard time getting rid of anything – just in case I might need it sometime in the next 50 years. I wasn’t a hoarder; I just had too much stuff. I don’t have that problem now and have managed to clear most of the clutter out of my life, but I still have these little pockets to deal with. I actually know everything in those areas and where it is, but even going in there makes me very uncomfortable.

My conclusion: my house is about 40% me, about 40% on the way to being me, and about 20% the old me. This has been a good exercise. I love my house and my neighborhood and I want to stay here, but now it’s time to make my house my home and more like me – comfortable, uncluttered, organized and peaceful.